Why are accommodations for autistic people often seen as unfair?

[YourPoisedFinch]

In my last job, I received some accommodations and explained them to colleagues when they asked why I was coming in late. Instead of understanding, they accused me of fraud and faking my condition to get special treatment. This isn’t just my experience—many people with mental health conditions and other invisible disabilities face similar challenges. They’re either not believed and resented for receiving accommodations or believed but then negatively stereotyped.

I can see it from both sides as I am fairly certain I'm autistic and knowing benefit from certain accommodations but also know I can manage without and that those who don't get the same will feel hard done by.

In my last job, I received some accommodations and explained them to colleagues when they asked why I was coming in late.

I am getting paid the same but my hours are from 10 to 6 rather than 9 to 5

It's really was no concern of theirs, if your hours were 10-6 and that's the times you were in the office you weren't late.

This.

Some of the posts on this thread are appalling. It's really depressing that there's such a lack of understanding.

Firstly, it's between the individual and their manager nobody else.

The answer to the above is simple. It is the law. Disabled people have a right to reasonable adjustments. That's it. You do not have a disability. You don't have a right to reasonable adjustments.

Anyone can now request flexible working for whatever reason.

If you have burnout and you are unwell, you need to be signed off under sickness procedures.

If you have a complaint about how things are in your team, talk to your manager.

Some companies are crap. Some bosses are crap. But the hoops disabled people have to jump through to try and keep in work and get support are considerable. Please do not be that person that makes their life even harder.

I would happily work more hours or have less pay or anything if it meant I could be well again and disability free. As it is, I have to work through pain and a catalogue of symptoms every single day as well as all the other stuff life brings. My adjustments allow me to keep my job and look after my child. And I do a bloody good job too. They're lucky to have me.

This is a good answer to your question, if you are wondering what an average NT person may think. I am saying this as someone that has lost my job due to untreated depression, but also someone that has benefited from free councelling and “kindness from enployers” when I had an episode that was terribly affecting my work. This isn’t a disability but has really impacted areas of my life.

I think that the average person believes that they are working very hard - and honestly, there arnt that many freebies in life. And so when someone else is given a freebie - even though they haven’t taken into account how damn difficult life is without that freebie - then they start to question why their hard work amounts to nothing and someone else’s “being” allows them these “privileges”.

However when it comes to ND and even illness whether physical or mental, we all have experienced people that have a diagnosis and are superman/woman - right to people that are highly functioning and unfortunatly we also encounter people that “scan the system”.

Ignore people. I’ve had things given to me in life because of unfortunate circumstances, and I just don’t share it with anyone that doesn’t need to know - if I’m entitled to something, I will go and get ir, but I also know that people can change their perception of you so I tend to choose not to share it.

Worth saying too that not everyone with autism will consider themselves to have a disability. I think it is a hard thing to accept and say out loud.

My son is autistic. He would not see himself as having a disability though he meets the definition.

Some people have zero empathy towards others because they lack critical thinking and are intolerant of others needing help.

Maybe because sometimes it's getting a bit ridiculous. I have been teaching a course at a university for 12 years. In the first year two or three students out of 40 had accommodations for SEN. This year it's 17 out of 40. The accommodations usually involve at minimum time and a half for all exams, quizzes etc, deadline extensions with no questions asked, separate room for exam. Anyway, my course includes 5 online quizzes. Each quiz has a time limit of 1 hour to complete 15 -20 questions based on the required readings. I have to go through and manually change the time limit for all the students with accommodations. This is quite an onerous task, so I have been informally monitoring how long students take to complete the quizzes. NONE of the students with accommodations have come anywhere close to taking an hour and a half to complete any quizzes. Most take between 10 and 15 minutes, which is right where all the other students that don't have accommodations sit.

I wonder what the point is sometimes...

I don’t disagree, in that people are in this strange phase atm where they’ll be like I can’t work I’m stressed/anxious/depressed/neurodivergent but they still want their employer to keep a job open for them, pay them full wage and their colleagues to be totally cool if they want to disappear off for days. The reality is, if you have a disability, there are some jobs you cannot do.

BUT there are two things at play, I think…

1. people have been allowed to read the idea of understanding and adjustments wrong - adjustments should enable you to do a job well. If you still can’t do the job well with those adjustments, you shouldn’t do the job.

1.5) it works to the government’s benefit to allow people to believe the above because it means they can lump the responsibility both financially and emotionally onto employers.

and
2) people who can’t work, feel so pressured by society to work that they can’t admit they can’t work. As an example, im very disabled by my neurodivergence and mental health. To the point that I can’t work - not don’t want to - I WANT to. But I’m literally not able to. And you can’t explain that to someone who hasn’t experienced it either 1st hand or by association. But I mask so much that people often can’t understand. People also don’t understand masking. They think if you can mask, you can choose to be normal so why not just choose to be normal all the time. Which I get. But I’m not being normal when I mask, I’m doing my best to pretend. So I won’t talk very much. And then you spend a bit more time with me and inevitably the cracks appear and it becomes apparent I’m not very functioning. It’s all a pain.

@GoldBeautifulHeart

Sorry that was an accident and couldn't delete the @ !

That's ok. Have a lovely rest of your week. ☺️

Nobody has a child by accident in this country; we thankfully still have access to abortion services.

People get pregnant accidentally (I'm one of them), but you make a choice to either have and raise a child, have a child and relinquish them, or end the pregnancy.

Being a parent is not a disability, and plenty of disabled people may also be parents and facing the exact same issue as these non-disabled colleagues. The reasonable adjustments just ensure an even playing field for those dealing with disability as well as other issues.

As her IQ score is the only thing that was outside of all the other tests in whcih she tested as average and therefore she understands this to be the "reason" she is dyslexic. This is now part of her identity and bolsters her opinion that she was treated unfairly in education and could have done better if she had the "right" support.

I was also assessed twice (primary school and university) and I had 2 distinct areas in which I underperfomed in relation to the other tests. 1 was spatial awareness and the other was short term memory. One tester said that I wasn't dyslexic and the other said that I wasn't dyslexic but I would be at a disadvantage at university due to retaining information in the short term. The short-term memory issue can be very easily explained by severe anxiety which is also present in my dad, but the spaitial awarenss is anonymly and where I diverge from all the other tests and my IQ score.

My boyfriend is autistic, and works in a WFH role. His reasonable adjustment is that he can take a lot of breaks (he usually has a nap too), and not be restricted to 9-5. He struggles with transitioning between tasks, so uses the breaks to adjust.
Unfortunately, this means his work day drags out and he often logs off at 11pm, despite logging on in the morning. He has tried to stick to an hour 8 window to work, and ends up burnout. Last time, he was off work for 7 months to recover fully.
But his colleagues just see him take lots of breaks, and probably think that unfair. He attends all meetings when required.

I think what it comes down to is, are you so jealous of their reasonable adjustments that you'd take the life-altering disability that goes with it and all of the impacts it has on every part of life?

Do you want the blue badge, the parking space, the ability to jump queues at Disneyland? You have to also take the disability, the fear of the unknown (or the known), the difficulty of the diagnostic process, the impacts on everyday life, the isolation, the huge life changes required, the impact on mental health, the judgment and stares. Tell me you'd take it all, or grow up and get over your petty jealousy.

I disagree. There are a lot of women who could not cope mentally with an abortion or adoption or who have religious objections to them. I know I could not have an abortion except for in the case of rape (although don't judge others who do) and could never give a child up for adoption. I have been careful with contraception and lucky that it has worked, but the pill and condoms have a surprisingly high failure rate and some are unlucky.

But the whole choice argument is a red herring anyway. If someone becomes disabled as a result of a choice (eg let's say wheelchair user following an accident doing something risky like hang gliding or BASE jumping) are they less deserving of adjustments?

Ideally, everyone will have flexible start times. That's what we have and so nobody would care where I work about why someone would work 10-6. But I am not surprised that if OP's work doesn't allow flexibility that others are jealous and a little frustrated. They won't understand why OP's hours need to be different (I am still unclear about how this is linked to the OP's autism diagnosis) and they may think she is taking advantage.

Sadly, lots of people are dickheads, who are terrified of someone else getting "more" than them. Regardless of whether the other person actually is. Ironically, they're often the last people to worry / think about any real unfairness, that actually does impact their lives (people much richer, making policies which only benefit themselves, for example). A lot of them are a bit thick ime, and also quietly unpleasant. One of them at my work, was literally OBSESSED over how many takeaways his cousin had, because she was on benefits, and used to bore on about the details of her chicken chow mein whenever he got the chance 🙄

Ultimately, if you're happy with what you're doing, and your employer is, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Don't get sucked into it - it really, really doesn't matter in the great scheme of things (or even the small scheme of things) x

I know I could not have an abortion except for in the case of rape (although don't judge others who do) and could never give a child up for adoption.

Then you're choosing to become a parent, ergo not by accident.

Not that it's hugely relevant, it just means it isn't a good argument about the fact that becoming a parent is a choice and being disabled is not.

I’d blame the culture of the company. If they are generally quite tight with flexi working etc, then people are going to be resentful of those who can, despite it being a legal adjustment.

My company is really good with flexi working etc so I couldn’t give a rats arse what other people are doing.

I wouldn't really regard it as a choice if the mental health consequences of one of the options would be catastrophic. It's just not even on the table as an option for many people.

Anyway, I don't want to get sidetracked because as I say the whole choice argument is incredibly stupid.

To be honest, because I am middle aged, menopausal and tired. I'm fed up in worl of there needing to be constant accommodations made for everyone at the cost of more falling on my shoulders. Its not personal or anything against the individuals diagnosis/ disability but in my work place the mantra seems to be "give it to a middle aged woman to sort out"
Sometimes it feels like no one is really pulling their weight.
I'm not trying to be miserable but in one day, I had to accommodate 4 different peoples anxiety, autism , ant mental health issues all whilst on the phone to carers who hadn't turned up to a family member of mine. I just wanted to scream "step up " as lots of it would have caused slight discomfort but instead of all 5 of us being a bit put out, 4 others got to have their needs met at the cost of mine.

@Floursacktabletop I know what you mean!! I do find myself wondering what will happen in 20 years time when all us middle aged women have retired, and offices are staffed entirely be people having accommodations and masses of sick leave. I’m forever covering for my young fit healthy trainees who seem to struggle to get through a week without an early finish or a late start or a reduced workload .

I don’t think that’s what Pp means - I think they’re frustrated that people are coming day to day pretty normal issues with disabilities that require accommodations to allow those employees affected by the latter to be able to function well in their job.

To start at 9am you're often fighting school traffic, or public transport is rammed with others also wanting to get to work for 9am.

The traffic can cause distress, cramped conditions can cause distress, diversions or delays can cause distress.

I mentioned in an earlier post I had a train terminate at an earlier stop due to vandalism on the line. This is distressing enough as I do not have the capacity or executive functioning abilities to sequence or prioritise what steps to take next in order to reach the end goal, it causes confusion and panic to the point where the emotional and behavioral outbursts are out of my control. My brain also lacks the ability to filter out relevant sensory information, so whilst you might be able to hear and see everything around you and pick out which bits are necessary like hearing someone give instructions in a busy place or hear traffic coming on an already busy street, I can't filter the necessary bits out and my brain tries to process all of that sensory information all at once, leading to an overload of information.

So on this day in my previous example, I had got on a train to arrive at work for 9am, it was busy and crowded so I wore my headphones to drown out the noise of people.

Because I had my headphones on I couldn't hear the tannoy, suddenly at the next stop EVERYBODY stood up to get off the train. This isn't what usually happens. This immediately triggered panic, and I froze in fear. The conductor then came up to me and gestured to remove my headphones so I took them off. He said I needed to get off as the train had terminated here, and if I wasn't "acting cool and wearing those stupid headphones" then I would have heard the tannoy.

He immediately became an "unsafe" person to ask for help so this caused more panic and in my head flooded a list of things to do and things I was feeling like: get to work, get off the train, call my boss, I'm going to get sanctioned, which way do I go, how do I stop panicking, everybody is looking at me, where are they all going.

So I got off the train, and heeding the harsh words the conductor gave me, kept my headphones off. There were so many people all talking to one another but because there were so many voices I couldn't hear anything anyone was saying. I was trying to listen for a tannoy, but it felt impossible and distressing.

Someone tried to talk to me but I have no idea what they were trying to say to me and it just made me panic more.

I ended up running off pushing through the crowd and screaming help, I was eventually intercepted by police who did not understand what an autistic meltdown is or how it can present and they all talked about me to each other instead of to me. I was taken to an A&E in the hospital closest to that station that I had never been to before which again caused my anxiety to spike and behaviours to escalate and was offered some sort of sedative or anti-anxiety medication, under threat of being held involuntarily if I didn't comply. All I kept saying was "can you call my boss please and tell her I'm in the hospital?"

If this had happened an hour later, less people, less eyes on me, less general noise, I would still have been anxious but I would have had a better chance of getting help and finding my way without it escalating to a meltdown.

I might have needed time to adjust once I'd gotten to work, it might have meant I was less productive that day, and my pay was docked, I might even have needed to just go home and work the time back another day, but I wouldn't have gotten to the point of meltdown.

As it is if has left me terrified of public transport because it's already uncomfortable for me, but it's utterly unpredictable and public transport is just always going to be that way. I can't control that, but I can control the times that I use it, and use it to my advantage rather than disadvantage.

So I'm not OP, but I hope this has shed some light on why the 1 hour difference can help.

Not to mention in addition many of us autistic folk struggle with sleep due to sensory overload from the previous day as well as delayed sleep phase syndrome which means that we need to sleep in a bit later than others because we cannot get to sleep until later than others and when we're tired our sensory sensitivities are heightened, as well as our executive functioning abilities are decreased. These sleep issues can come in cycles, little stints, be permanent and some autistic people never have them but they are a comorbidity of autism and so a large portion of the autistic population will experience these issues at some point, to a higher degree than an average NT person.