Work "get to know you"s

[MaybeIamJealous]

Work has decided the whole office (approx 400 employees) must take turns to introduce themselves to the rest of the office, i.e. stand up when it's your turn and say something about you, your role, your interests outside of work etc. This is being done team by team.

The first introductions were done today. Everyone seemed to claim to be champion sports people / have been an extra in a movie / went from picking up a guitar for the first time in September to playing gigs by Christmas etc. No average Joe's amongst them.

I've been told I cannot do a woe is me section (saying I'm disabled and in pain and have no tolerance for this kinda shit won't fly 🤣). So instead I'm thinking of saying something completely made up, but not so obviously made up as to have me outed as full of crap. I already suspect some of my colleagues today had also played this game!

I'm looking for some inspiration coz I'm not coming up with much. Would you love some of your ideas.

I was going to say only fans Dominatrix and I'll whack any of you worthless fuckers if you annoy me.
Go with the genre of books you like and your love of baking etc.
I hate all that corporate bollocks.

"At my previous job I worked in HR, but I got fired after I had this completely bonkers idea for 400 people to introduce themselves one by one".

"I won the largest disability discrimination award in British history against my previous employer".

Isnt this something that 95% of people are gonna get shit scared of doing u less you’re very used to it?

Yes ,I done one to a small amount of people.
My name
Married
And that's all I'm willing to say .
You literally could have heard a pin drop.😁

The books are a million times better than the tv adaptation... which I gave up on!

Maybe you should tell them your a secret mumsnetter.

And whilst it might be the website that people stumble across occasionally whilst googling an inane question; that its one of the only female dominated forums on the internet.

It’s unknown but estimated that c. 25% of all UK women are users. Even though no one ever talks about it. And so it is actually an incredibly powerful space which can shift public opinion and political direction. And it’s right under everyone’s noses in plain sight 😂

If a colleague did that it would make me chuckle.

How about telling them you are in the witness protection programme so can’t say anything about your new or old life.

You could do it in the style of two truths and a lie and then they won’t know what’s real.

along the lines of ‘I met Ed Harris, I love jigsaw puzzles, I wrote a Mills & Boons novel’

When I was 18 I won 500k on the lottery, but I was in my altruistic era and backpacking so I gave it all away to charity.
Now I'm 38 and can't afford a deposit in a house so I live in parents box room, whilst the charity I donated to went bust with a big corruption scandal that the money wasn't actually making it to charity use and being embezzled by the board to fund a luxury lifestyle.

Thanks for all the ideas. I love the two truths and a lie suggestion.

The things with all the sarky replies is - it's only your own colleagues you'll be thumbing your nose at. They're not all going to think "good on her, sticking it to the man", even if some might. If I stood up and said something genuine, and then the next person stood up and said something obviously untrue, I'd feel... Well, how would you feel? Being genuine doesn't have to mean being vulnerable or trying to impress. Just something very small and simple at least shows your colleagues that you respect them.

Hmm, I get where you're coming from. But I like to think it's more a silent protest at the ridiculous suggestion from HR than anything else. I enjoy my solitary activities. Plus, I enjoy my work, but there are some colleagues in different departments who have been horrible to me., so, feck them

Say you've done glamour modelling. No need for evidence because anyone who asks for it is a perv.

@MaybeIamJealous i just tweak stuff I do. Ish. like the version of a domestic engineer is a stay at home parent..

disability advocate and campaigner (I do battle with the nhs to get help and support for me…)

beta reader for several international reverse harem science fiction authors (I read their books the day they come out and leave kindle reviews…)

involved in local governance and politics - I whinge on the local Facebook page and tag my councillor and report community issues on our councils reporting apps about streetlights being out and grit bins being empty.

You can become an ordained minister with the Universal life Church just by emailing them. All you need to tell your colleagues is that you studied and are now an ordained minister.

if you have a medical condition, are in constant pain, then arguably you shouldn't be put through the humiliating experience of having to disclose that, or worse still, have to lie just to play some sick game that has nothing to do with your actual job, so push back and tell your seniors the truth and that you can't go through with it. that's indirect discrimination, and pretty disgraceful.

My work wants us to do similar, but put in writing to be posted on social media. No thanks!

I had to introduce myself when I first started but its a tiny company so not a problem and I pretty much just said my name.

Hi! I’m Maybe, I’ve worked here for 3 years and I enjoy doing character assassinations in an anonymous online blog. You’ve all been so helpful! Thank you.

I think people here have missed the word “game”. Assuming you want something fabulous but not outright unbelievable. How about bonsai cultivator, puppeteer with own Punch and Judy set up. Make greetings cards using potato printing

I normally tell them I play the harp.

Totally monotone with a blank expression -
I’m Maybe and I’ve worked here for X years. In my spare time I’m a motivational speaker.

@paranoiaofpufflings That's brilliant! What did you say when they asked for carpentry advice?

About 4 years ago, I dug a grave ..... an unregistered, unofficial grave ..... in the dark ..... I can't say anymore, or I will have to dig another but you may want to think twice if you eat the strawberry creams out of the Christmas chocolate tin.

Say it with office stapler in hand.

hate these. They don’t ask me again as i said i took photos of my feet for cash. My boss was not amused and i told him these situations are shit and no one likes them.