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Original poster

Son bringing "girlfriend" home

63 replies

navigatinglifewithteenagers · 16/02/2025 23:54

My 17 year old son has a "friend" who he meets up with occasionally. Apparently she's not a girlfriend but more of a friends with benefits. They've known each other a long time, get on well and are good mates.

On Valentine's Day evening he asked us if we were planning to go out as he'd like to bring her home after they'd been out for dinner. We were staying in so he didn't.

We haven't met her and, as she's not a girlfriend as such, I doubt she's going to want to come when we are home and meet the parents!

This made me think generally about what age/stage do you let your young adults bring a partner home to stay the night and would you have any "rules" around this?

In my mind I'd like to think they are in a "proper" relationship and that I'd met her a number of times.

In addition, I'd want him to be sure she's of a similar age, or older.

Oh and I don't want to hear them up to anything!!!!

OP posts:
Changethenameagain · 16/02/2025 23:58

So your teenage son wants to bring someone to your home just for the purpose of having sex with her?

It would be a firm " no" from me.

Original poster
navigatinglifewithteenagers · 17/02/2025 00:01

Well it obviously was a no!

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 17/02/2025 00:02

I think the only thing you can say to him is "nice try". Bloody cheeky!

Changethenameagain · 17/02/2025 00:04

navigatinglifewithteenagers · 17/02/2025 00:01

Well it obviously was a no!

Actually I don't think it is obvious you said no.
Your post read to me as though you were wondering if it was OK for you to let him do this.

Original poster
navigatinglifewithteenagers · 17/02/2025 00:11

@Changethenameagain

Well I did go on to say about that he'd need
to be in a proper relationship and I'd have had to have met her a number of times.

My son is actually very respectful and it was said as banter. However, he would no doubt have been pleased if we'd agreed!

OP posts:
Changethenameagain · 17/02/2025 00:17

You must have a close relationship with your son OP if you have banter with him about bringing girls home for sex.

Maggispice · 17/02/2025 00:23

navigatinglifewithteenagers · 16/02/2025 23:54

My 17 year old son has a "friend" who he meets up with occasionally. Apparently she's not a girlfriend but more of a friends with benefits. They've known each other a long time, get on well and are good mates.

On Valentine's Day evening he asked us if we were planning to go out as he'd like to bring her home after they'd been out for dinner. We were staying in so he didn't.

We haven't met her and, as she's not a girlfriend as such, I doubt she's going to want to come when we are home and meet the parents!

This made me think generally about what age/stage do you let your young adults bring a partner home to stay the night and would you have any "rules" around this?

In my mind I'd like to think they are in a "proper" relationship and that I'd met her a number of times.

In addition, I'd want him to be sure she's of a similar age, or older.

Oh and I don't want to hear them up to anything!!!!

When he's able to take financial and psychological responsibility for a child.

nongnangning · 17/02/2025 00:59

Oh come on PPs. This is a serious question. I left home when I was 18 and never went back. Any shagging before or after this was always done outside the parental home. But nowadays kids aren't moving out because it's too expensive. So at what age and in what context do you say 'ok you can have a partner to stay over'?

Parkmama · 17/02/2025 01:05

@nongnangning exactly this 👆🏻

sesquipedalian · 17/02/2025 01:07

As far as my children were concerned, the watershed was going to university. After that, if they wanted to bring home friends, they were welcome to do so. It didn’t actually happen until they were in their third year, so adults.

Lorelaigilmore88 · 17/02/2025 01:16

17 is slightly too young I think.
I imagine I'll be allowing it from 18, 19 perhaps.... But that would be when they have a bf/gf to stay, not casual sex or fwb arrangements.

DiscoBeat · 17/02/2025 01:20

Our oldest is 17, and his girlfriend is the same age. They haven't got into a physical relationship yet but if they wanted to stay overnight that would be OK by us. They've been together 18 months and are very sensible. Also his older siblings come and stay with their girlfriends/wives so I don't see it any differently really.

1SillySossij · 17/02/2025 03:00

I would say if they were bf/gf from 17.5. Hookups, never. You run a respectable family home not a knocking shop

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/02/2025 03:34

My dd is 16. She isn’t ready for a relationship and I think this really depends on the person. I don’t think I’d want a boyfriend staying over atm and I know some parents allow it. But my dd is vulnerable so it depends on the person perhaps. I’d say preferably to wait until a bit older. People change such a lot between 16 and 18 so the longer you can delay the better.

As for your ds, it would be a hard no, not ever. They’re not in a relationship. My home is not a knocking shop. If this were a committed couple, I would say yes I think at 17.

Quitelikeit · 17/02/2025 03:40

I think it’s very controlling to state that you’d allow her there if she was his gf but now won’t because she is a fwb

BigCandle · 17/02/2025 04:01

Honestly, my son’s slightly older at 19 but I think I’d allow this. Not a different girl every night etc but one girl who he has an ongoing relationship with (albeit not standard gf/bf).

Original poster
navigatinglifewithteenagers · 17/02/2025 06:40

Quitelikeit · 17/02/2025 03:40

I think it’s very controlling to state that you’d allow her there if she was his gf but now won’t because she is a fwb

I don't want to be controlling but I don't want my house used as a place he can bring anyone for sex!

OP posts:
Mulledjuice · 17/02/2025 06:43

If they're good mates why hasn't she/can't she be at the house at other times, for lunch or dinner or whatever, and you can meet her?

Agree with PP that bantering about FWB and saying he's being very respectful doesn't really go together.

Chaseandstatus · 17/02/2025 06:43

There is nothing wrong with having consensual sex, sex isn’t something to be seen as either respectable or as a bad thing depending on how you define the relationship.

My adult DC are welcome to have their friends sleep over, as long as I know who is in the house, and I don’t hear any noise.

pilates · 17/02/2025 06:47

From what you have described, it would be no. Once they start an exclusive relationship and we have met, then I would agree to staying over.

discdiscsnap · 17/02/2025 06:52

I met both dds boyfriends from around age of 15 onwards. Usually after they had been dating a few weeks or so.

Sleeping over, the eldest didn't have a long term relationship until she was 20 once they had been together a few months and we had met him a few times he started stopping over. Younger dd was 18 and similar situation, after they had been together a while.

Theresacatinmykitchenwhatamigonnado · 17/02/2025 07:08

No one night stands or shirt term flings are allowed to stay over. If DD doesn't like it, she's most welcome to move out. I would not bring someone home she did not know and I expect the same courtesy from her.

SheilaFentiman · 17/02/2025 07:18

Why are people talking about “knocking shops” FGS?

He is having sex with one girl, who seems to be a long term friend, and he was talking about her coming over for dinner.

I think it’s fair to say you don’t want someone sleeping over that you haven’t met - which would mean ONS don’t stay but putting boundaries on the type of relationship it is seems like several steps too far TBH.

SoManyTshirts · 17/02/2025 07:19

nongnangning · 17/02/2025 00:59

Oh come on PPs. This is a serious question. I left home when I was 18 and never went back. Any shagging before or after this was always done outside the parental home. But nowadays kids aren't moving out because it's too expensive. So at what age and in what context do you say 'ok you can have a partner to stay over'?

I left home at 25 (1980s) and ditto. This generation didn’t invent sex.
DC left a bit younger but have only returned with official long-term partners (or solo).

FrenchandSaunders · 17/02/2025 07:22

No randoms allowed here. Happy with more serious relationships but no FWB or bringing randoms back from the pub.

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