Son bringing "girlfriend" home

[navigatinglifewithteenagers]

My 17 year old son has a "friend" who he meets up with occasionally. Apparently she's not a girlfriend but more of a friends with benefits. They've known each other a long time, get on well and are good mates.

On Valentine's Day evening he asked us if we were planning to go out as he'd like to bring her home after they'd been out for dinner. We were staying in so he didn't.

We haven't met her and, as she's not a girlfriend as such, I doubt she's going to want to come when we are home and meet the parents!

This made me think generally about what age/stage do you let your young adults bring a partner home to stay the night and would you have any "rules" around this?

In my mind I'd like to think they are in a "proper" relationship and that I'd met her a number of times.

In addition, I'd want him to be sure she's of a similar age, or older.

Oh and I don't want to hear them up to anything!!!!

He took her out for dinner on valentines evening so presumably it's a bit more than just casual sex? And it's not like a one night stand with a stranger - she's a good friend. I might not love it but I think I'd tolerate it.

It would be a no from me in this situation. I would allow it from around 17/18 if it was quite a long term relationship.

This, I would never allow this, a friends son was doing this out at thr weekend and bringing girls back to the house to have sex and stay over, they had an awful time eventually he stopped doing it.

I would be fine with a girlfriend or in this situation. My cut offs would be strangers brought home for a one night stand and that is only due to security

Mine were 17 when they had girlfriends/boyfriends stay over. They were all in relatively long term relationships with nice people. I wouldn't have wanted a string of people I didn't know staying over. It didn't bother me.

If one of my kids had a boy or girlfriend I hadn't liked then I might not have let them. It's my house at the end of the day.

I've learned that I'm very old fashioned when it comes to adults living at home. I don't think you bring fwb or ons to your parents home.
Teenagers doing that would be a big fat no. I'm also not a big fan of bf/gf sleepovers for teens.

To answer your question we met boyfriends first they visited the house etc before they stayed over,

Jeez.

What I'm talking about is not allowing him to bring unknown girls to stay over. Equally I don't want the responsibility of finding out a younger girl is stopping in my house and dealing with any repercussions from parents etc.

I'd be saying the same thing if he was 20 as it's my house!

DD is 17 and has been with her boyfriend for well over a year, he’s a nice boy and treats her well. We finally agreed to let him stay over a few months ago. At the end of the day they’ve had plenty of alone time in the daytime when I was at work, I realised my issue wasn’t so much the fact of them having sex but the thought of them doing it while I was in the house! But I had to get over that- I’d rather they were safe and I know where she is.

If they broke up it doesn’t mean I’d automatically let her bring anyone here- I think it has to be a serious relationship.

???

You have sought views of others on this thread. Now you are not liking what some have said. Disagree by all means but that’s what you get when seeking opinions.

lt’s your house, true, but it’s also his home. Plus he has known this “unknown girl” for some time. It might be casual, nothing wrong in that, providing it’s what they both want, but it’s hardly a one night stand.

As for the comments about when he is 20, at what age will you stop policing his sex life? Trying to ensure he has respect for women is more important.

But the thing is, that girl is unknown to you, not to him.

Couldn't just quickly check she isn’t under age by asking him?
fwiw my ds and their friends would find dating someone who isn’t their age very weird. A gf 2 years younger would immediately have raised ‘oooo… paedo….’

Have you ever had a chat around that with him? What’s considered ok around where you are?

but its his home! where do you want him to go? where do you think he goes?

A casual FWB or a one-nighter, definitely not! Nothing wrong with those arrangements, but they should be left until you've moved out of home. A girlfriend/boyfriend situation, yes, as long as they'd been together for a little while and she'd met me and my husband. I wouldn't want a complete stranger staying in the house, who'd I had never met, and wasn't likely too!!