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Original poster

What would you say to nursery/how would you say it?

59 replies

whattosaynursery · 14/02/2025 11:43

When our 3 year old went for his first settling in session at nursery we spent the hour in the office talking to the manager. She said that the apps they use would be updated every day and photos would be added every day that he was in nursery and if they weren’t I should ask the staff for them.

We got photos after his first settling in session which was great as he’d only been in for an hour! Then on the next settling in session his key worker wasn’t there and we didn’t get any photos. I did send a message to ask but I didn’t get a reply. I left it with it being another hour long settling in session and it not being his key worker. His next settling in session was for 2 hours and they put on 80/90 photos of all the children doing things with some pictures of my child in there which completely fine it’s not like I was expecting individual photo posts every day just something.
On his first non settling in session day they put on some photos of him eating as they knew I was concerned about it. I didn’t get anything else that day but I was okay with it as I was still getting something. When he next went in I sent a message asking if they could put some photos on like last time so that we could see how he was doing and they put a few photos on not long after he had arrived so I could see he was happily playing which I really appreciated. Then the next day when he went in I got no pictures again and when I asked they didn’t reply.

They also don’t update the app properly so I don’t really know what he has eaten or if he has slept unless I message them and ask or ask when I pick him up… The last time he was in he was asleep and I only found out because I messaged to ask if he had eaten his tea (he’s not the best at eating) and he was still asleep when I picked him up and hadn’t had his second dose of medicine…

So I guess I’m asking how and who do I speak to about this. I think the app should be updated when he’s had his medicine at a minimum as it needs a 4 hour gap in between minimum and I feel like I should be getting the photos without having to ask or the manager shouldn’t have said I’d get them every day? I just don’t know 🤷‍♀️

If it matters he has a speech delay and can’t tell us what he has been doing and is on a waiting list to be tested for autism. I also have autism so I probably do worry more than a neurotypical parent 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Dumbo18 · 14/02/2025 12:12

Id just say what you have basically said to us - because of his speech delay you need to know about eating/sleeping/medicine. I dont think its unreasonable to bring it up. Ours sometimes forgets to update the app but our little one is 3 and tells us everything about her day now! I wouldnt expect updates throughout the day as they are very busy and id rather they be giving the kids attention but would expect it to be updated towards the end of the day. Ours normally updates between 4pm-5pm

Original poster
whattosaynursery · 14/02/2025 17:51

Dumbo18 · 14/02/2025 12:12

Id just say what you have basically said to us - because of his speech delay you need to know about eating/sleeping/medicine. I dont think its unreasonable to bring it up. Ours sometimes forgets to update the app but our little one is 3 and tells us everything about her day now! I wouldnt expect updates throughout the day as they are very busy and id rather they be giving the kids attention but would expect it to be updated towards the end of the day. Ours normally updates between 4pm-5pm

Do you think it’s fine to send them a message (they communicate via WhatsApp) or should I send an email? Or do I need to ask for a meeting? It’s all so new and I don’t want to be really annoying but I’m trusting them with my child and need to know what’s going on whilst he’s there 🤷‍♀️🙈

I think it would make a difference if he could talk to us and tell us what he’d been up to as at the moment we just don’t know 🙈

Yeah, I completely get that and I would be fine with it all being updated at the end of the day but it’s just not happening 😬

OP posts:
TheGirlattheBack · 14/02/2025 17:55

I’d speak to the Manager and say “when we met before you mentioned all of the information that would be available to me on the app. I’m not getting the type of updates you mentioned about food and photos, is this a temporary issue?”

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countrysidedeficit · 14/02/2025 18:10

I understand why you need medicine records etc but why do you need daily photos of your child at nursery? I would rather they were focused on caring for him and interacting with him than trying to snap photos and uploading them for you - that takes them away from caring for him.

Can't you have an informal word at drop off or pick up? There's so much scope for misunderstanding if you just send a WhatsApp message. Escalating to a meeting seems overkill.

Alexis7890 · 14/02/2025 18:13

Our daughter (14 months) has not long started at nursery, can you ask them all of these questions at handover when you pick up? Our app doesn’t get used that much but they have it recorded in their rooms and give me all the info in person, when medicine is given is also written on a paper medicine forms that they sign and we sign. I personally like that they aren’t on screens updating apps all of the time in front of children

YouveGotAFastCar · 14/02/2025 18:15

I think all nurseries are like this.

We are lucky to get a photo and a month and his “daily diary” just includes what food was served, and is often wrong. There’s no details on anything else.

You can ask again, but if they don’t have a staff members who is paid to do this, it won’t happen regularly. OFSTED now advise that nurseries don’t spend significant time each day doing photos and updates for each child, according to our nursery, so they only do it when they’ve got a volunteer in who enjoys it, and that’s rare.

Original poster
whattosaynursery · 14/02/2025 18:57

TheGirlattheBack · 14/02/2025 17:55

I’d speak to the Manager and say “when we met before you mentioned all of the information that would be available to me on the app. I’m not getting the type of updates you mentioned about food and photos, is this a temporary issue?”

I just think it’s difficult because she did say that we would be getting all the information and photos but I don’t want to get his key worker in trouble if she thinks she’s doing it but isn’t?? 🙈🙈 I just want what I was promised without becoming the parent they don’t like 🙈😂

OP posts:
Original poster
whattosaynursery · 14/02/2025 19:00

countrysidedeficit · 14/02/2025 18:10

I understand why you need medicine records etc but why do you need daily photos of your child at nursery? I would rather they were focused on caring for him and interacting with him than trying to snap photos and uploading them for you - that takes them away from caring for him.

Can't you have an informal word at drop off or pick up? There's so much scope for misunderstanding if you just send a WhatsApp message. Escalating to a meeting seems overkill.

I get that but then why tell me that I would get them? 🙈

I think you are right that a meeting would be too much but I’m not sure what to say without coming across as annoying/demanding 🙈🤷‍♀️

I think I’ve become more stressed about it because of him not having his second dose of medicine. Surely they should have at least sent a message asking if they should wake him up to give him it?

OP posts:
Original poster
whattosaynursery · 14/02/2025 19:02

Alexis7890 · 14/02/2025 18:13

Our daughter (14 months) has not long started at nursery, can you ask them all of these questions at handover when you pick up? Our app doesn’t get used that much but they have it recorded in their rooms and give me all the info in person, when medicine is given is also written on a paper medicine forms that they sign and we sign. I personally like that they aren’t on screens updating apps all of the time in front of children

I’m not really bothered about it all being on the app but I feel like I’m not going to get the information unless I ask very specific questions about each thing which they don’t have time for as it’s a quick handover with a few words as they need to get back to the other children 🤔

OP posts:
Original poster
whattosaynursery · 14/02/2025 19:03

YouveGotAFastCar · 14/02/2025 18:15

I think all nurseries are like this.

We are lucky to get a photo and a month and his “daily diary” just includes what food was served, and is often wrong. There’s no details on anything else.

You can ask again, but if they don’t have a staff members who is paid to do this, it won’t happen regularly. OFSTED now advise that nurseries don’t spend significant time each day doing photos and updates for each child, according to our nursery, so they only do it when they’ve got a volunteer in who enjoys it, and that’s rare.

Edited

I feel like the manager shouldn’t have set the expectation of it and told me to ask them about it if they didn’t do it if it wasn’t going to happen though 🤷‍♀️🙈

OP posts:
Peclet · 14/02/2025 19:06

Hmmmm

if the staff were to all be updating on eating/naps/‘medicine/loo etc for every child every time everyday then the setting would be horrendous with very little play. And play is the point.

I think you’re asking too much, but appreciate that what you’ve been told is far away from what you’re getting so the expectations are off.

I would have a think of what info is actually crucial to you ok real time and ask for that. Otherwise I think you are taking away from the core of the care and child development of staff are updating on tablets.

cansu · 14/02/2025 19:08

I think she was obviously selling you the dream. It is stupid as it is clearly likely to be impossible to do this. The staff surely don't have time to be providing photos and a full run down of meals and times etc. I think that I would focus on what is important. Is he settled? What time should they give his medication? I would just ask every time you pick up what time he had his medication.

Maboscelar · 14/02/2025 19:15

whattosaynursery · 14/02/2025 19:03

I feel like the manager shouldn’t have set the expectation of it and told me to ask them about it if they didn’t do it if it wasn’t going to happen though 🤷‍♀️🙈

Show quote history

I'm autistic too. While you aren't wrong about that, the reality is that you don't need photos every day and I would try to stop yourself getting hung up on this point as it's going to stop you moving on from this. It's fine to just get a quick verbal update at pickup, just focus on that and forget about daily photos, they really don't have time!

ColourBlueColourPurple · 14/02/2025 19:30

They should give you all the necessary information during handover ie did he have a sleep, did he eat his meals and did he have any medicine. As long as they do that, then I don't see an issue. It is nice to see photos etc but I'd rather the EYPs concentrated on providing care to the children.

Alexis7890 · 14/02/2025 19:37

whattosaynursery · 14/02/2025 19:02

I’m not really bothered about it all being on the app but I feel like I’m not going to get the information unless I ask very specific questions about each thing which they don’t have time for as it’s a quick handover with a few words as they need to get back to the other children 🤔

Show quote history

If they won’t give you a proper handover, even if that means you asking the questions you would like answers to that they should know and be able to provide, then that is the bit I would find more problematic. They either need to do the app or a proper handover and if they won’t do either then that is when I would speak with them or look at alternative settings

LeoDiCapricorn · 14/02/2025 20:28

I recently started working in a nursery as admin for a chain.
I've spent a week in one of the nurseries this week and the amount of updating the staff are doing on apps is huge.

I was a bit judgy as they sit on the floor with the kids with iPads taking photos and writing comments - and I was really surprised at the amount of time it takes.

I was helping one apprentice because English isn't her first language so she was trying to format the posts correctly and using appropriate terms to tick the right boxes for Ofsted. I wanted to tell her to just play with the children (but obviously not my place).

My youngest is late teens, so I didn't get app reports when they were in nursery.

The Staff are meticulous at recording medication for children.
The nursery staff may feel it's best to concentrate on the children? Please don't be afraid to chat to staff. All the team I've met absolutely want you and your child to be happy and settled.

LetsGoFlyAKiteee · 14/02/2025 20:35

I work in a nursery and find it amazing they said they'll send you so many photos! Where do they find time to do that? We do two a month then any extras but guess if that's what they've said they'll do you expect it.

We do the app updates up until 3 years old for sleep and food etc.
Usually during quieter periods. Always a verbal handover as well however. And medicine we have to acknowledge when it's given and witness etc so bad they're not doing that part.

Original poster
whattosaynursery · 15/02/2025 11:49

Peclet · 14/02/2025 19:06

Hmmmm

if the staff were to all be updating on eating/naps/‘medicine/loo etc for every child every time everyday then the setting would be horrendous with very little play. And play is the point.

I think you’re asking too much, but appreciate that what you’ve been told is far away from what you’re getting so the expectations are off.

I would have a think of what info is actually crucial to you ok real time and ask for that. Otherwise I think you are taking away from the core of the care and child development of staff are updating on tablets.

Edited

I wouldn’t mind waiting until the end of the day for the apps to be updated with pictures/food ect. but I feel like I should be told when he has had his medicine and that they should have at least asked me if they should wake him up to give him his medicine 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
whattosaynursery · 15/02/2025 11:52

cansu · 14/02/2025 19:08

I think she was obviously selling you the dream. It is stupid as it is clearly likely to be impossible to do this. The staff surely don't have time to be providing photos and a full run down of meals and times etc. I think that I would focus on what is important. Is he settled? What time should they give his medication? I would just ask every time you pick up what time he had his medication.

I just think it’s really strange that she would have told us that we would get this and to ask if we don’t get it if that’s not actually what they do 🙈🙈

I think it is really difficult to know if he is settled as he can’t tell us how his day has gone. He seems to have bonded with his key worker but someone else brought him out last week, they didn’t know which bag was his and they didn’t know about his medicine and he looked a bit disoriented it was just odd 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
whattosaynursery · 15/02/2025 11:56

Maboscelar · 14/02/2025 19:15

I'm autistic too. While you aren't wrong about that, the reality is that you don't need photos every day and I would try to stop yourself getting hung up on this point as it's going to stop you moving on from this. It's fine to just get a quick verbal update at pickup, just focus on that and forget about daily photos, they really don't have time!

Show quote history

I think it’s just always going to be something I think about now as I’ve been told that’s how it will be 😬 I get that they don’t always have time but they put other announcements on the apps all the time and I just don’t understand why they even have the apps (they have 3) if they’re not going to use them 😬 I think I would rather they didn’t have them at all if they’re going to use them sometimes but not all of the time as I just end up checking them and getting nothing 🙈

OP posts:
Completelyjo · 15/02/2025 11:56

Honestly it’s just not the normal experience to have photos taken of all kids every single day. They probably take a couple of photos in a day in the room and it just depends which kids are in them.
They have enough to do rather than obsessively taking photos. In my experience one a week is more common.
Does your nursery post the weekly menu?

Original poster
whattosaynursery · 15/02/2025 11:57

ColourBlueColourPurple · 14/02/2025 19:30

They should give you all the necessary information during handover ie did he have a sleep, did he eat his meals and did he have any medicine. As long as they do that, then I don't see an issue. It is nice to see photos etc but I'd rather the EYPs concentrated on providing care to the children.

I think that’s part of it as well though I feel like I have to ask for that information 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 15/02/2025 11:59

whattosaynursery · 14/02/2025 17:51

Do you think it’s fine to send them a message (they communicate via WhatsApp) or should I send an email? Or do I need to ask for a meeting? It’s all so new and I don’t want to be really annoying but I’m trusting them with my child and need to know what’s going on whilst he’s there 🤷‍♀️🙈

I think it would make a difference if he could talk to us and tell us what he’d been up to as at the moment we just don’t know 🙈

Yeah, I completely get that and I would be fine with it all being updated at the end of the day but it’s just not happening 😬

Show quote history

I’d ask in person. Quicker on both ends.

Original poster
whattosaynursery · 15/02/2025 12:00

Alexis7890 · 14/02/2025 19:37

If they won’t give you a proper handover, even if that means you asking the questions you would like answers to that they should know and be able to provide, then that is the bit I would find more problematic. They either need to do the app or a proper handover and if they won’t do either then that is when I would speak with them or look at alternative settings

Show quote history

I think I need to send them a message saying something that makes it clear I need all of this information however they want to give me it but I’m not sure how to word it 🙈

There’s no chance of us finding another setting as it took us about 20 viewings before we found one that had space, would take him in nappies, had the right SEN ratios and didn't cost hundreds of pounds 🙈🙈 Plus it would be unfair to move him and make him start again

OP posts:
meganna · 15/02/2025 12:01

I think you should probably specify what you want done with the medication - when you drop him off just say whether you want him wakened if he's sleeping?

Our nursery doesn't use an app - they fill in a page that's put in their bag and I see it when I get home. We don't get photos at all! They are meticulous about medication and have a sheet that I have to sign at pick up if they've given anything. Same goes for any accident forms.

I'm happy that when i go to pick up my kids they're often having cuddles on the sofa with their favourite staff members and engaged in play. I'd rather that than staff on iPads tbh.