What would you say to nursery/how would you say it?

[whattosaynursery]

When our 3 year old went for his first settling in session at nursery we spent the hour in the office talking to the manager. She said that the apps they use would be updated every day and photos would be added every day that he was in nursery and if they weren’t I should ask the staff for them.

We got photos after his first settling in session which was great as he’d only been in for an hour! Then on the next settling in session his key worker wasn’t there and we didn’t get any photos. I did send a message to ask but I didn’t get a reply. I left it with it being another hour long settling in session and it not being his key worker. His next settling in session was for 2 hours and they put on 80/90 photos of all the children doing things with some pictures of my child in there which completely fine it’s not like I was expecting individual photo posts every day just something.
On his first non settling in session day they put on some photos of him eating as they knew I was concerned about it. I didn’t get anything else that day but I was okay with it as I was still getting something. When he next went in I sent a message asking if they could put some photos on like last time so that we could see how he was doing and they put a few photos on not long after he had arrived so I could see he was happily playing which I really appreciated. Then the next day when he went in I got no pictures again and when I asked they didn’t reply.

They also don’t update the app properly so I don’t really know what he has eaten or if he has slept unless I message them and ask or ask when I pick him up… The last time he was in he was asleep and I only found out because I messaged to ask if he had eaten his tea (he’s not the best at eating) and he was still asleep when I picked him up and hadn’t had his second dose of medicine…

So I guess I’m asking how and who do I speak to about this. I think the app should be updated when he’s had his medicine at a minimum as it needs a 4 hour gap in between minimum and I feel like I should be getting the photos without having to ask or the manager shouldn’t have said I’d get them every day? I just don’t know 🤷‍♀️

If it matters he has a speech delay and can’t tell us what he has been doing and is on a waiting list to be tested for autism. I also have autism so I probably do worry more than a neurotypical parent 🤷‍♀️

Do you think a message would be okay or should I try to ask in person? I feel like I just don’t know what to say without coming across as annoying/demanding 🙈🙈 His key worker seems nice and I don’t want to say anything to get her in trouble and my child does seem to have bonded with her I just don’t know what’s going on most of the time 🤷‍♀️

I’m not bothered about it being on an app really I just want the information 😂 I would like them to be playing with the children too although I do remember the manager saying something along the lines of their main job is to watch the children play 🤷‍♀️😂

I think it would be less of an issue if I hadn’t been told that this is what we would be getting as now it just feels like we aren’t getting what we were promised I guess 🤷‍♀️

I think the medicine thing is what has made it all a bigger deal to me as it should have been done and if he was asleep I should have been asked if they should wake him up and give him it shouldn’t I? I think not getting the photo’s is annoying but not the end of the world but not giving him his medicine because he’s asleep and not even asking me about it isn’t right 🤷‍♀️

But why wouldn’t they just say that then? 😂

There’s a space on the app for the menu’s but they’re not actually uploaded 🙈

What would you say? Would you do it on drop off or pick up?

My daughter (2.5) is currently in nursery 3 days a week and they found the staff were spending forever trying to update apps for each child so they changed to WhatsApp communication. They have a group for each day, and once or twice a day the group is sent a whole load of photos along with what they've had for morning snack & lunch, and again in the late afternoon with an update of what is for dinner.
Then every couple of weeks the key workers update the apps with a selection of photos and a written update on progress plus the ofsted ticking boxes part.

This seems to work really well and it means at pick up they can say "she didn't eat much" or "she had an hours nap after lunch"

Maybe suggest this as an alternative?

I’ve told them the times so I assumed it would be just given at those times 🤷‍♀️🙈

A sheet of paper with all of the information on would be great!! I think having half updated apps is actually worse than nothing as I end up checking it and wondering if he’s okay when there’s nothing on there 😬

I don’t know what he’s doing without photos as we drop off and pick up at the door so we can’t actually see him in his room 🤔

Yeah we would either give it to them them when they wake up but contact the parent first so they're aware it's been given to them late so they can adjust their own timings if it's something that is needed later on in the day. Seems odd they've just left it and not recording what they're doing with it

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I’d start with “Could we have a quick chat about the app if you’re not too busy?” and let the conversation flow naturally from there.

Probably pick-up time because then you can ask about things from the day and relate it back to not getting info on the app.

You mean you would like them to do all this outside their working hours!

The medication I agree they should be recording and asking whether he should be woken. The rest is just fluff and not needed.

I don’t know what he’s doing without photos as we drop off and pick up at the door so we can’t actually see him in his room 🤔

Why do you need to know specifics? He is at nursery doing fun nursery activities and socialising with other kids the same as generations of kids have before. There is simply no need to have a breakdown of everything they have done.

We used to get a breakdown of nappy changes and medication in a book. Occasionally there may be a comment if they did something new or different. At pickup you can ask what did they do and get told water play, went for a nature walk, painting. There is no need for a minute by minute breakdown. If you need such detail and control maybe a nanny would work better for you.

Does he have medicine every day or was this just a one off illness?

I have to say you are in danger of becoming a bit fixated on this. Look at the overall picture. Is he happy, settled, getting stimulation and attention? Are they kind, welcoming, polite and engaged with the children?

Apps and photos take so much of the day! You are looking at it from one child's update pov but they will have dozens of children!

You don't need to repeat the posts that you've already written, the manager promised etc. Just ask if he's had medicine and be done. Let them do their jobs. They don't even want to sit at the end of the day and catch up, they want to go home!

Sometimes I ask before they give it to me however if I didn't, they would always give me the info before I left. As long as you're getting rhat information then I'd say that was sufficient.

I’m autistic too and I get why you’re struggling with this. Unfortunately, it’s going to be the case all the way through school etc that what you’re told will happen, doesn’t.

The apps are a ridiculous waste of staff time but parents like it so managers over-promise.

Realistically, all the time the app is being updated is time your child is getting less than 1/8 of an adults care or attention.

If you want to know if he's eaten or slept just ask at pick up.

My twin two year olds are in nursery OP and they use the app religiously. All meals, snacks, nappy changes, medication, temp checks are included on there, and I get pictures every day. Sometimes I get a couple of each individual baby, sometimes just a stack of photos of the whole class and I flick through to find my two. I usually get some in the morning and some in the afternoon, all on the app!

They definitely still spend their time properly looking after the children and the children play all day, they usually send photos of their activity e.g they’ve spent time in the garden or sensory room or they’ve done them a messy play tray or painting etc.

i absolutely love my nursery!

If they’d said they’d be doing the same I’d just casually bring it up and say you’re worrying about him and so were hoping for more pictures, info, etc, see what they say. It might not be the right nursery for you!

I think some people are being very dismissive here. You were sold a service (nursery is not cheap) and they arent following through.
I live for those photos of my baby smiling and playing and usually get multiple a day so dont see why it's not being done. The ratio for my childs age group is 3:1 so a few photos and updating an app should be easy enough, medicine should be done asap really for safety reasons.
Your child obviously is a bit older but one person in the room could quite easily be uploading a picture- literally takes seconds per child. Definitely speak to the manager. At the very least you need to know when child is eating, sleeping and taking medicines.

You keep saying how they promised this and that. I am not sure why you are so fixated on this. They obviously promised what they can't really deliver. This is not that unusual.

Tell them clearly what to do about the medicine if he is asleep or if possible just give it at home. Is it for a short term illness or forever?

The rest you should let go and simply ask how his day has been when you pick him up or ask specifics if you need them.

Let me give you 8 three year olds and see how many photos and updates you do. It doesn't take 'literally seconds'. And if you have one person sat out doing this then someone else is watching their 8 key children...which if there was an accident, you'd soon be complaining about.

I don’t think it’s normal to have that level of info eg eating/sleeping/reassurance photos for a preschool aged child. Do many 3yr olds still actually nap?! Mine stopped at 1! We used to just get a rundown of the day at pickup, she’s done X, had X for lunch, fell over ant forest school etc. They would post photos occasional on the parents Facebook group but never send individually to parents and this was a private outstanding ofsted rated best in the area nursery.

I would message the nursery and say ‘when we signed up you said xyz would happen and it hasn’t’ and see what they say. Maybe they just meant they would do that for the settling in period? I can’t see how it would be feasible to do that for every child in preschool with ratios they’ll have!

Yeah, he needs it 3 times a day and overdose can be fatal so the timings are pretty important 😬

No, not outside of their working hours I just meant that it doesn’t need to be put on at the exact time it happens but that I do need the information so doing it after I have picked him up would be fine 🤷‍♀️

I think I would probably feel differently if he didn’t have a speech delay and probably autism. It was difficult for us to put him in nursery and as he can’t tell us what he has done all day like a typically developing 3 year old could we rely on the nurseries communication to know this information 🤔 We have no idea if he is joining in with the activities or playing with other children as he is delayed in his social development 🤔

It’s not about control and they don’t tell us what they’ve done all day unless they upload the pictures and when we picked him up last week the person who handed him over didn’t even know about his medication 🤷‍♀️

We used to get pictures a couple of times a week but without fail we got nappy changes, food, naps, medicine, accident reports on the app. I think if you were getting these you'd be less concerned about the photos. We always got a verbal update on collection too in terms of what he'd been doing that day.
I think it's ok to say due to his additional needs and medications it's really important you get accurate updates on those things. The photos I think is less of an issue.

It’s 3 times a day for 3 months and overdose can be fatal so it’s pretty important 😬

I know I am but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about that 🙈 I don’t know how I am supposed to know any of that as he can’t tell me!! With us his behaviour can change dramatically in a matter of minutes so I really have no idea how he is there apart from seeing him at pick up and drop off 🙈

I understand that but why would they tell us that if it wasn’t going to happen? 🤷‍♀️

I just find it easier to individually reply to everyone sorry 🙈 I realise that they want to go home at the end of the day but we had one update about 40-50 minutes after the nursery closed so I’m not even sure when their day actually ends 🤷‍♀️

How do you deal with it? I think it’s so hard especially as he can’t tell me anything 😬