Do you feel embarrassed about the state of your home?

[Chalatte]

I do, a lot. here's my story.

Our house is fairly old, and we love that, and everything else about it. It's been about 3 years since we bought -- our first home purchase in the UK.

BUT the issue is that some of it looks basically decrepit. My kitchen, in particular, has chipped laminate, tired lights, an old stucco style/textured ceiling, mismatched and poorly planned cabinets, and the counter is basically cracking, rotten wood.

To top this off, my kids are all 10 and under, and the house is often always in a state of disarray due to the kids being, well, kids. Toys, shoes, pencils, scrunchies. Just, stuff, everywhere.

Our house is due an extension; however, we don't have the funds for it (yet), and we are building toward it. I had an idea of doing the kitchen up just so it is presentable, but financially it will be more expensive and wasteful to do the kitchen up only to tear it down. No matter how it looks, it is functional, and we are getting by for the moment.

Unfortunately, the extension/renovation will not happen anytime soon and I have so much envy when we visit a friend with a fancy/posh/brand-new home, to the point i think it's affecting my desire to invite people home.

Wondering if others are/have been in a similar position and what would you do?

Can you do one small thing and do an enormous cull of your possessions in February, on time for spring?

Ruthless, cold hearted cull. Every party bag knickknack, every old hair tie, every random shoe, bag, scarf or toppling shelves - ruthless trips to the dump with some donating and free cycling?

Then re assess.

No. Our house is large, semi-ruinous, and has been partly renovated since 2021. The garden is still partly a building site, we have no drive, just a rutted lane, a temporary kitchen with a concrete floor and bits of the units that were there when we bought sawn out to make space for our fridge and freezer, and a dining table in the middle of the living room, as there's nowhere else we can currently put it. Lots of things only semi-unpacked, as we'll have to put them into storage again when the next phase happens.

But people need to take us as they find us. The only thing I warn them about is to dress warmly!

Yes. It's been smashed up by my child with SEN. I hate it. I don't have people round.

Yes, I hate our house. Would be embarrassed to have anyone other then close family over.

It's single glazed windows, so cold but we can't afford to replace. Condensation drops down and creates mould. Kitchen desperately needs redoing, it's an 80s brown tiles monstrosity with a cream, textured lino that I can't get clean. We have 3 kids, so full of toys/stuff, handprints on walls, the odd bit of scribble on walls. Everywhere needs redoing but money.

I'm hugely jealous of other people's houses but hope ours will be better once I am back at work/kids are older. So in about 10 years!!

I love the idea of a huge cull. I am constantly decluttering and getting rid of stuff but I haven't done anything on an enormous scale. Doesn't help my DH loves to hold on to bits of paper that the kids have drawn on (I have taken to taking a picture and binning the thing) and the legos even though the only time the kids play with them is when I am trying to photograph them for sale. sorry, no sentimental value in pieces of plastic and paper, but I do hate wasting so I save and hold on too. I have bags of branded clothes that I never had the heart to give away (no takers on vinted, no time to create bundles and sell), but I think it's high time I donate the lot.

Not gonna lie it's a relief to hear others are the same. Some of my friends have picture-perfect homes.

I still do have people over and some wonderful and non-judgmental friends (though some are more judgy than others)
But nevertheless it embarrasses me and stresses me out each time. We have a very warm house, lovely driveway and keep our garden maintained well, but our conservatory is currently just a place for drying clothes and storing beautiful plants (but it looks like a plant-filled storeroom), and the kitchen is, well it's messy and cluttered, as a well used but poorly-planned kitchen is.

I will say that I'm simply envious ofpeoples' perfect homes on instagram and pinterest, so I am hoping to learn to accept that it is OK to be not perfect, do what I can and get on with it. Any advice and inspiration on that front?

I'd be massively envious of a conservatory full of beautiful plants, and be begging cuttings and advice!

Do you have a room that is not going to be involved at all in the extension? Eg the dining room or lounge? Of even a downstairs toilet or hallway area?
If so make that beautiful.
I have just decorated my sons grubby box room and it make a huge difference. If hadn't been painted for about 8 years and the white paint all looked really grubby and it looked cluttered and tiny. (It is a box room!)
Now it looks fresh and clean. All I did was paint it and have a massive declutter. So if you make one room lovely it will make you feel better.

I kept my sanity during our renovations and building work by keeping one decent room as our sitting room where we could close the door on it all in the evenings and relax.
Also, I could whisk guests through the war zone and sit them down comfortably in a space that looked OK, so it didn't feel as bad.

There are loads of great cheap ideas about how to change the tired appearance of rental properties on YouTube which might work for you.
Peel off wallpaper and stick on tiles on walls and floor make good temporary solutions. They won't last forever, but they're not meant to, and they won't break the bank.

Not anymore but our old house was pretty bad.
If I could go back in time I would actually make small changes to improve things even if it didn't seem cost effective in the long run.
We made ourselves miserable living with things that needed doing but were too expensive to do which had a knock on effect in other areas of our lives. Looking back we'd actually have got a lot of value from changing small things on the cheap, a new laminate worktop or a new stair carpet for example we changed both of these to sell the house and they weren't that expensive, we used off cuts that were being sold cheaply and they made a huge difference.

Also get your kids to tidy their stuff up! 10 is plenty old enough.

Yeah, I feel a bit embarrassed about mine. Low wage for a long time now (hopefully will change soon) plus COL, unexpected expenses, new baby (well, a few years ago) have all combined. I also have no shed/loft/garage (small cottage) so v pushed for storage space. I also remind myself that I don't judge others homes and it's not a big deal. I have a home and that's the most important thing.

I found it helps to decide how to make the best out of what you have - what effort/expense will make the biggest impact and then really focus on that. Eg for me it makes a big difference when my hallway/entrance room (the one bit of the house that is quite big) is free of clutter and tidyish so that people (including me!) come in to a nice area when they first get in the house. I have also cleaned and repainted mouldy bathroom (and I just close the door on my cluttered bedroom!). DS also has a nice bedroom so when his friends come round at least he can take them there and feel proud of it. It gives you a real boost when you've done some tidying/decorating of an area that makes a big difference.

Mine too x

Yes, I feel a bit embarrassed about my home, the kitchen has seen better days, the whole house needs repainting and probably a replaster in some areas.
But it just needs so much TLC, that requires more time than we can give right now and more money than we could afford to pay someone to do it.
We have a conservatory that's in bad shape and could do with being knocked down and turned into a room but the quotes were £80k for what would just be a dining room/storage, so not worth the money for us!
A lot of friends recently have moved house or done renovations and it does make me feel like we're so far behind on having a proper 'adult' home, but we are also holiday people not house people and we focus on that. We go on lovely long haul holidays. We can't have everything we want in life so we prioritise and those priorities are personal.
We are big declutters, everything has a place and that makes it easier to keep on top of keeping the house tidy & clean. But it does always feel a bit run down and never feels like it looks as clean as other peoples houses.
But I want my kids to live in their home and those Instagram houses with stacked books that no one reads and fragile vases just wouldn't work in reality with toddlers.
I have a little display in my bedroom of my favourite decorative items that cannot be within reach of kids, as much as possible I've secured to walls to display but I don't have an eye for design and I like my sentimental knick knacks so my house will never look as good as other peoples!

I love my home and not embarrassed at all anyone can arrive anytime and id open the door.

Yes, my home makes me miserable, I am so ashamed of it. I moved to a more expensive area for many, many excellent reasons, but it involved a considerable downsize. Trying to fit it all into a smaller house is not going well, particularly as I am not a tidy person and I have a six year old. I've been chipping away at it, but there is a long way to go. My aim is to be able to invite someone round spontaneously.

Check out Dana White's books/audio books. She gave me the skills and impetus to declutter in a way that lasts longer than a week. My house is similar to yours.

Get rid of stuff, and then take stock of all easy fixes that will immediately make a difference. Paint/repair what you can. A tin of tile paint or fresh grout in your kitchen might give it a lift. I bought almost brand new kitchen cupboard doors for £200 secondhand - the carcasses in my kitchen were still good. If one is broken, just replace that one. My kitchen feels practically good as new and much easier to clean. New kitchen would have been £10k easy. New tiles were £10 off Facebook, £20 for grout and adhesive and i put them up myself. If you haven't got tools, can you borrow them from people?

If you aim for "better" instead of "perfect" it might not feel so overwhelming. Instagram homes aren't real, just stop looking at them and comparing.

Why be miserable in your house now for the sake of an extension in 5-10 years time?

The comment was hardly funny. I'm sorry to hear that poster is in this situation.

Why is that funny?

Not funny that poster is having a hard time it just made me laugh when i read it.

@lovingmememe
Crass insensitive comment

Good for you

Get new worktops at least.

Yes unfortunately I do but don't have the motivation to sort it.

2 up 2 down, too much stuff in too little space. I can't seem to get rid of anything but also feel guilty that my 2 children would have to sort it all once I have gone.
I have cupboards I haven't taken something out of for years so I obviously don't need it but it's still there

I actually was concerned you lived in my house until you said cream, our floor is like a tan colour but equally bad