Do you feel embarrassed about the state of your home?

[Chalatte]

I do, a lot. here's my story.

Our house is fairly old, and we love that, and everything else about it. It's been about 3 years since we bought -- our first home purchase in the UK.

BUT the issue is that some of it looks basically decrepit. My kitchen, in particular, has chipped laminate, tired lights, an old stucco style/textured ceiling, mismatched and poorly planned cabinets, and the counter is basically cracking, rotten wood.

To top this off, my kids are all 10 and under, and the house is often always in a state of disarray due to the kids being, well, kids. Toys, shoes, pencils, scrunchies. Just, stuff, everywhere.

Our house is due an extension; however, we don't have the funds for it (yet), and we are building toward it. I had an idea of doing the kitchen up just so it is presentable, but financially it will be more expensive and wasteful to do the kitchen up only to tear it down. No matter how it looks, it is functional, and we are getting by for the moment.

Unfortunately, the extension/renovation will not happen anytime soon and I have so much envy when we visit a friend with a fancy/posh/brand-new home, to the point i think it's affecting my desire to invite people home.

Wondering if others are/have been in a similar position and what would you do?

Yes. It's a nice little cottage but cosmetically about a decade overdue for painting, way too cluttered and the kitchen is 70 years old, largely unfitted and dire. (I like vintage but this is just nasty with horrid tile floors.)

I can do the redecorating myself but at 61 just don't have the energy after work & on weekends. Hoping to buy some paint this week and make a start on Saturday.

I often feel embarrassed by the state of my home (small, very old, partially renovated but no time or money so progress is painfully slow.) ALL my friends and family's homes are nicer than mine in terms of how "finished" they are, though I'm the one with the most interest and experience in renovation - but the least well off financially thanks to XH).

It's less the part-finished thing, though that's frustrating, and more the general dirt/clutter situation, but I'm constantly trying to chip away at what I can do.

I feel for you, OP. This is Big Project number 14 and I would sell a bloody kidney at this point to have a finished home I was proud of!

For a start, I'd say make lists for each room/area. Work out what you want to achieve and a rough idea of timescale (1 year? 10 years?) and budget needed.

Then look again and see if anything could be improved with the time you have and a temporary budget. Yes, on paper it's a waste BUT if it's going to be a really long wait to get it all done properly, it's well worth trying to do anything you can in those spaces to give them a quick and cheap lift. Paint works wonders.

Firstly, though, definitely agree with the Big Clearout. It's easy to get stuck in the "too good to give away, ought to get something for it but no time" mindset. Put a value on your time and mh, and get rid! It's so cathartic and will give you more chance of reorganising even temporary spaces into ones you like more for as long as it takes. X

Yes I have total envy when I go round to my friends' houses and we're close enough for them to say 'for the love of God sort our your house!'
It's not really financial, we do have the money to sort it, but my DP finds it very hard to live with building/renovation chaos. Starts sweating at the thought. We finally got a new and very cleverly designed kitchen two years ago and this year it's the 2 bathrooms that need doing.
But also we are quite messy people so that doesn't help either with embarrassment, but since the new year we've done so many tip runs and it's becoming so much more manageable. It doesn't come naturally to us, but we're getting there.
We also have zero interior decoration flair. So it's like the blind leading the blind in that respect. We need a lot of help with how to make things look nice.

I sympathise because when we moved our house was chaos. We're past that stage now as we've extended but there is still stuff to do. However, in the meantime , what massively helped was having some rooms that were 'done'. In our case it was the kids bedrooms, we knew they wouldn't be affected by the extension so we had them redecorated, new carpets and blinds, and made them lovely - it really helped to have a little part of the house that was all clean and new and done!

It's really not funny @lovingmememe , although I accept it takes all sorts and some people find humour in the strangest things. Saying it publicly does puts you firmly into arsehole territory though, most people have a lot more empathy and restraint.

I understand you but we have to find the funny sometimes in things.

Absolutely bizarre that you felt the need to share with us all that you laughed at her comment that clearly wasn't meant to be funny.

Yes I do.

I have a lot of friends with lovely houses and that makes me feel worse...my house is ok but the kitchen and bathrooms that were replaced by us 20 years ago are looking very tired now. DH thinks once you've replaced something once in your house it should never need replacing or updating ever again 🙄

Lovingmememe clearly finds other people's distress/unhappiness amusing which says a lot about them as a person really. They 'laughed' at my post too.

Same OP!!!! What I did was wait until my youngest started school and now I'm attacking it. It's a slow slog and we are also improving one bit at a time. It's hard when they are little and always home! Cut yourself some slack 💐

I rent and my LL allows me to do whatever I want decor wise but there’s a lot of issues that are just not my responsibility and I simply cannot and will not spend my money to fix and apparently neither will he lol. So I’ve had to get creative over the years!

Your kitchen might be easier and cheaper to sort out while you save for your extension than you think. Frenchic paint can transform the cupboards and tiles then fablon/dc-fix the worktops. Lots of pictures and videos of people doing similar for ideas and tips.

My kitchen was grubby dark wood with black counters and now it’s a lovely cream with oak wood effect tops, looks a million times better and cost about £100.

My flat - no, my dads house - yes.

My other problem is because I am embarrassed about it I can't let people in to do jobs, would love some wallpaper and new blinds but that means people entering.

Yes I’m embarrassed about our house. It has a terrible damp problem and should be condemned. The walls are black in places and some of the carpets have rotted. Our clothes get mouldy in the wardrobe and drawers. I dream of winning the lottery so it can be totally gutted and rebuilt with insulation and more radiators.
I avoid having people round.

We bought a new build specifically because I am horrendously impatient and couldn't ever cope with waiting to do something, and we didn't have the cash to do something up. I grew up in a doer upper that my parents couldn't afford and I was so embarrassed of our house, I love having a 'finished' house now, but it wont be the same level of investment as a doer upper I'm sure.

I'm embarrassed that my home is very obviously a council flat on a rundown estate. Rubbish, graffiti, mud and bins everywhere 🥲

I love the inside though. You can make a home look so much better with a small budget as long as you are prepared to do the work. I have vinyl wrapped my council issue kitchen sideboards to look like wood. I've painted the kitchen cabinets, put stick on vinyl tiles on the floor, laid laminate floor I got for free off Facebook, painted walls, ceilings, etc.

I'm not great at DIY so it doesn't look expensive, but it is clean, warm and cosy. I've been homeless a few times in my life, including while pregnant plus a toddler so I really do appreciate what I have even if the area isn't great.

All my friends have show homes, you know the type? 600 pillows on the bed which is always immaculate , like no one actually ever sleeps in the bed, more cushions then space on the sofas and chair, with throws angled to perfection

Kitchen floors with a shine of them that you could do your make up in

Coffee tables with one book and box of tissues

Bathrooms full of candles and immaculate piles of "spare towels"

Shower cubicles that look like they are just out of the show room

Mines nothing like it

Im away for work at 6, bed may possibly get straightened before I climb back in - but the bedding will definitely show its been used

The dog works his way from one end of the sofa to the other , pushing off any cushions in his road. Throws are actually used for warmth, not decoration

When I wash the floor, it always streaks , my shower always has soap scum, apart from the one day a week I get in there and scrub it

My counter tops in the kitchen have stuff - I cook from scratch every meal every day, I cant be doing putting things in cupboards, just to need them out again not long after

Towels are usually either lying over a rad drying, or hanging over the laundry bin, if I left spares for decoration - they would be used increasing my washing

Coffee table has a pile of stuff on it - that Im using on and off today - books, phone, laptop, coffee cup, breakfast bowl still there cos I just had it an hour ago and Ive not needed to go to the kitchen again as yet

Shoes everywhere - Ive just put my feet up sp just kicked off the pair I was wearing and I see DH's laying in the corner

And we won't even mention the mess which is the hearth - keeping the fire lit makes mess - and dust - I make lots of dust

Am I ashamed? Nope.

Im a great believer that friends come to see you, not your decor. Would I like it to be tidier and look more put together? Probably but seeing as it's me that's going to have to do it - its not happening. Life is too short to be doing housework every bleeding day

The one thing I did do, was a total declutter - over two years mind - one shelf, one drawer, one cupboard at a time and it does help with it looking tidier - at least now when I do get a rush of energy I can tidy up pretty quick, but it never looks "polished"

I'm not embarrassed of the house as a whole if I'm honest it's a brand new build with upgraded everything. I'm embarrassed that I can't keep up with the cleaning and my skirting boards are full of dust (no one probably even notices but I do)

I love my home, it's decorated exactly how I want it, all gothic and with lots of weird stuff. Not everyone's idea of homely I know, but it works. Anyone can come in, if it's a bit cluttered (books and art stuff) then so what! What I hate is where my home is, I live in a 4th floor apartment in a not very salubrious area. We are looking for a new home, but not found anything that ticks all the boxes.

I think the first thing to do with any space you're tearing your hair out over is to completely clear it out and scrub everything to within an inch of its life - including the ceiling and walls. Then stand back and really think about what needs doing in terms of repairs. As a previous poster said, vinyl wraps/fablon for ageing cabinets or painting the doors and drawer fronts can work wonders. Maybe even try a bit of decoupage on the doors using good quality wrapping paper. I covered the kitchen cabinet doors in our old house with hessian sacking - just stuck it on with strong glue, and then painted over it with white emulsion and then used a matt varnish to seal it.

Plants are brilliant for drawing the eyes away from crap cabinetry, mirrors open up a space and draw in more light. If you hate your fluorescent lighting, use lamps instead. Treat the kitchen like you would a lounge - a place you actually want to spend time in. Hang pictures on the walls, get a new blind, think about whether there's space for a stool and somewhere to perch with a cup of tea. Maybe a bookshelf filled with cookbooks or your favourite china.

I like using an old wooden tray or board as a 'stage' for a vase of flowers and my current favourite odds & sods picked up from charity shops or brocantes; this week's faves are some gorgeous vintage champagne glasses and last week it was a stack of lovely old washed linen napkins. Just stuff I like looking at - as well as using - and is too nice to be shut away in a cupboard.

I follow a great account on Instagram called 'lisalovesvintage' and she's done incredible things with her kitchen on a budget.

The one thing I would never, ever scrimp on in a kitchen is a great extractor fan. Get one installed professionally and you can always re-use it when you do, finally, have the money together for that extension!

Try looking for paste the wall paper - as long as you're physically able, it's much easier to put up yourself than traditional wallpaper.

Thank you so much for the replies from all you wonderful and thoughtful mums (99% of you were anyway), especially from all of you who gave me some wonderful tips re decluttering and focusing on a single area at a time.

We always (as a family) would say to each other that we'd personalise our home and make it ours when we finally bought one. (Tired of living with white walls and someone else's home without ever being able to add your own touch to it for so long).

Unfortunately, after COVID hit I've struggled with a chronic disease that tires me out rather quickly, plus having a full time job and young children, and being strapped for cash does not help the case at all. It does lead to a lot of resentment with the DH despite his best efforts, we are stretched for time and energy and spark, and we focus on friends, food, outdoors a lot more than we do at keeping tidy. Although we're both the creative sort who have decorated our previous homes beautifully before, the financial, time and energy constraints can be soul-sucking. We don't have much left at the end of the day to channel into this.

Coincidentally I'm off work for the next week. I will:
Get the Dana white books
Clear out all the clothes (bye bye FatFace and Frugi kids' clothes, I ain't getting any of that money back😪)
find the vintage person on Instagram
Tackle that one corner in the living room to clean
Try to do my counter up with the vinyl

Hopefully this will make a dent in it, and I will try and commission the carpenter for some custom storage as well -- the lack of proper storage makes it worse!

But also trying to make my peace with the home the way it is is a big part of the process. and just reading all your comments has helped immensely in this, and I appreciate you all for your 2p

Maybe a tin of paint, OP? It's amazing the transformation that just painting a wall or two can make! A basket in a corner where you throw all the 'bits' that get left lying around, clear surfaces and clean walls can make a place look 100% improved.

Thanks funny to see this thread is still going 😊
I've done a lot of home improvement since. I still can't do my kitchen up because it will need a lot more work and budget but I've finally made my peace worth that.

Happy with where I'm right now with the home 😇

I don’t think anyone should be in the position to be embarrassed about their home in 2025. There is no excuse to live in poor conditions.