Does Mumsnet ever make you doubt yourself?

[CurlewKate]

Or would, if you let it? Things that you think of as perfectly normal behaviour, but aren't, according to Mumsnet. The two that spring to mind are offering someone a lift-surely not doing so is the "bad option"? And using another close family member's towel. Oh, and washing your hands in the kitchen sink. There are loads. I'm not going anywhere near who is allowed to use your loo for what-that's too scary.

I think it can be bad for some people for sure. A good friend of mine said she found herself replaying threads about badly behaved children in supermarkets in her head when she was feeling low and struggling with her two. She said it amplified her own critical inner voice.

A lot of threads on MN give me huge insight into anxiety and make me feel very thankful that it’s not something I experience to any great degree.

It’s also going to skew towards a community that prefers to communicate online, and have a higher number of people who find socialising difficult. I think it’s worrying sometimes when whole threads of people think that being scared or offended by others being normal, slightly flawed individuals is entirely normal. It also bothers me that so many people seem to struggle with empathy and sympathy.

There are also corners of MN that seem obsessed with class appearances in a way that I’d assumed had died out with Hyacinth Bouquet and it sounds quite a tiring way to live.

I have read some helpful threads recently about phone use that have resolved me to address this in my house, including my own dependence.

Does Mumsnet ever make you doubt yourself?

Nope.

It does make me despair though.
Some of the awful situations that people have got themselves in and they think is perfectly normal.
The "great" dad's who only have to not kick the shot out of the women to be seen as great..
Or the financially abusive arseholes making the women question whether they're in the wrong for wanting a new dishwasher...
Or the women staying with absolute cunts of men for reasons I can't even begin to fathom and can only assume these men must have cocks made of gold.

I despair that women seem to have accepted that their 'lot' in life is shite and wish they'd become as enraged as I am just reading about their situations.

I think you’ve missed some nuance in some of the threads you’re talking about. With the lifts thread, it’s about people who drive not understanding some people actively prefer to walk.

I totally agree, actually makes me really sad to see how much bullshit seems acceptable and that you would have to come on to this forum to judge whether being treated like shit was normal or not. There’s literally thousands of threads where women are being treated appallingly on a day to day basis. ☹️

No.
I have loo brushes, carpet, have a shoes on household, wash my hands in the kitchen sink, share towels with my husband, answer the door when someone knocks, let the cat on the kitchen counter, wear my bra more than once between washes, change my bedsheets when I remember, don't shower before bed or after sex. There's probably more.

All that MN has shown me in the 10+ years I've been here is that there's nowt as queer as folk.

No quite the opposite. I read about all failed relationship, bitter man hating posters and nut job comments and it validates quite how normal I and my family are.

Another one agreeing with this. To see how often women are being treated like crap by partners without registering that this isn’t right is awful. The best bits of MN are the threads where a poster’s eyes are opened and something changes.

No because it’s a forum and the ratio of weird people versus regular people is always higher online. Online is where the socially inept hang out.

The posts where people talk about relationships are just so awful it’s an eye opener and incredibly sad at how little some women value themselves.

Ehhh no, not really.
Remember that posters can present a pristine impression of themselves on here that doesn't reflect reality.
Haughtily stating that something is 'grim' doesn't make that poster someone to base standards on.

If anything, I feel our germ resistance and planet friendliness is top notch.

This, but I am also aware that some people would think the exact same thing about myself!

No. If anything, it makes me even more sure of myself and the decisions I've made!

Yes, me and my DH call it Mumsnet Madness, and I really enjoy reading out the latest example to him. The weirdly insular, introverted, in law hating, hygiene obsessed, classist, judgemental, anxious, world of Mumsnet. I love it.

Not at all. I don’t always do what the majority do, but I’m comfortable with that. It’s my life, I don’t have to fit in with random people online who could be lying anyway. You need to be happy with who you are and the way you live your life for yourself.

No definitely not! And some women on here are the biggest bullies I’ve ever seen in my life, I would not take advice off people like that ever. So no don’t make anyone doubt who you are and own your opinions, we don’t all need to agree and that’s fine.

Thinking more it makes me think how normal the school parents were at drop off and pick up, it is like an American TV movie on here any time 'school mums' are mentioned

No. I take most of MN with a huge pinch of salt.

I find the posters who think they are perfect really amusing and I certainly don't doubt myself. It makes me glad my head isn't up my own arse.

I think maybe it's a kind of reverse with the bot/troll threads.

So if someone posts one of those wind-'em-up-and-watch-'em-go 'I don't answer the door/I'm so confused rn/what does it meeeean, etc?!' threads, I find the rather robust replies are a better indication of the general 'zeitgeist' of society ('don't be ridiculous'....'gently, you're bonkers'...'yes, obviously YABU')

So while the OP might be...fake bizarre...the replies often bring you back to reality.

No. I'm only here for the weirdness fascinating variety of human behaviour.

I have had threads change my mind on issues. Maybe not one individual thread but over time seeing similar points.

One thing that surprises me though is a lot of of people say that 'they dont know anyone, or everyone they know' does or doesnt do something therefore that thing can't be true or common. I don't always think people we know is a great measure of the country as a whole.

That’s also true. Though of course some people then view those brisk/tough love responses as terribly ‘mean’.

Occasionally!
I was trying to park the other day and a couple of recent threads about driving and parking made me question whether it was ok to park where I was (quiet street) or if I needed to turn the car to face the other way or go find a lay-by. And how was I going to safely get out without hitting someone with my door?
It also made me smile because I knew if I posted about my "dilemma", someone would suggest I needed advanced driving lessons or should hand my licence in to the nearest police station.

On balance though, Mumsnet has helped shape my views on feminism and women generally and it somewhere I can come when I doubt myself in the real world about issues like that.

For a while sadly it made me doubt how I interacted with my DC.
There were a load of threads sneering at what people called “performative parenting” . I didn’t do anything for strangers benefit only for the interaction with my DC, but I started feeling really self-conscious on day trips with my children (because the threads implied anyone interacting with their kids at eg the zoo was being laughed at by everyone) and just stopped being myself for a while.
Then over time as I read more and more threads I realised the overwhelming message on mumsnet is that as a mum you are wrong no matter what you do! So the only message I’ve listened to since is “you do you!”