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Original poster

Would you get a night nurse if you could afford it ?

70 replies

babyexhaustion · 09/02/2025 19:35

I’m chronically ill and suffer from chronic fatigue. Have had a baby who’s 7 months and really struggled I think I was a bit naive to how exhausting baby’s are without fatigue issues. Partner works extremely long hours but does do half the nights with me. Due to his job safety he needs sleep too. I’m desperate for a second baby but have only just about copped with the lack of sleep it’s contributed to my pnd. We could save and afford a night nanny 3-2 evenings a week but I feel like a bad mum or cop out for even thinking about it getting one. Has anyone had one or got any advice x

OP posts:
Boardingschoolmumoftwo · 09/02/2025 19:38

Honestly no, we could have afforded it and I wouldn’t do it. Being there for my children at night when all they want is their mummy has been a great privilege. Kindly, do you think it’s fair to have another child if you are experiencing this level of fatigue with your first, I promise you they get a lot more tiring as they get bigger

DancingHippos · 09/02/2025 19:38

Don't feel bad for asking for help. A lot of people would be better off if they did. Definitely get one but you'd definitely want to interview her and/ or get a recommendation from a friend

Spudalot · 09/02/2025 19:39

It wouldn’t be a cop out - you suffer from chronic fatigue! It’s exhausting without that to contend with. Knowing me, I would wake up every time I heard baby cry anyway and not be able to go back to sleep myself until they’re settled which I suppose defeats the point a bit!

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lnks · 09/02/2025 19:40

Why do you want another baby when you’re struggling to manage?

You might be able to afford help now but what if that changes in the future?

Chickyegg22 · 09/02/2025 19:41

I would if I could afford it. You will be a better mother if you get enough sleep so everyone benefits x

MumChp · 09/02/2025 19:41

Yes. I would.

I sometime works as night nurses for families. A lot of mums really benefit from the service (I work for an agency).

peachgreen · 09/02/2025 19:42

Boardingschoolmumoftwo · 09/02/2025 19:38

Honestly no, we could have afforded it and I wouldn’t do it. Being there for my children at night when all they want is their mummy has been a great privilege. Kindly, do you think it’s fair to have another child if you are experiencing this level of fatigue with your first, I promise you they get a lot more tiring as they get bigger

The irony of this post contrasted with this username…!

@babyexhaustion I also found the disturbed sleep that comes with the baby years absolutely debilitating, particularly as my own health conditions meant that once I was awake it was very hard or even impossible to get back to sleep. Everything that’s followed – rambunctious, overactive toddlers included – has been a breeze by comparison. Different people cope differently with sleep deprivation – for me, a night nanny even once or twice a week would have been invaluable.

SneakyLilNameChange · 09/02/2025 19:42

god I would have loved a night nanny! But I agree if you have a chronic illness and are often very fatigued are you sure you want a second? They sleep better as they get older but I wouldn’t say they’re less tiring…

Boardingschoolmumoftwo · 09/02/2025 19:43

@peachgreen my children don’t go to boarding school

lnks · 09/02/2025 19:45

peachgreen · 09/02/2025 19:42

The irony of this post contrasted with this username…!

@babyexhaustion I also found the disturbed sleep that comes with the baby years absolutely debilitating, particularly as my own health conditions meant that once I was awake it was very hard or even impossible to get back to sleep. Everything that’s followed – rambunctious, overactive toddlers included – has been a breeze by comparison. Different people cope differently with sleep deprivation – for me, a night nanny even once or twice a week would have been invaluable.

Show quote history

I think you’re jumping to conclusions

BendingSpoons · 09/02/2025 19:46

My babies always wanted me to feed them back to sleep, so a night nanny wouldn't have helped with that. They probably could have worked on a different settling routine though.

I think you need to think this through. How long could you afford a night nanny for? What amount of rest do you need? It would presumably be a short-ish term solution due to finances. Some children sleep well once past the baby stage but others still wake in the night or wake crazily early in the morning for several years. Having 2 is more work than 2 and you don't get a break when one is busy e.g. today I took one DC to a party and DH stayed at home with the other. Whilst the early days were the most tiring, it can still be tiring later on.

peachgreen · 09/02/2025 19:50

Boardingschoolmumoftwo · 09/02/2025 19:43

@peachgreen my children don’t go to boarding school

Fair enough – but it was an amusing contrast!

Ponderingwindow · 09/02/2025 19:50

No. I had chronic health problems exacerbated by the lack of sleep, but a night nurse is pointless. You have to get up to do feeds anyway. Having someone who can do a diaper change and get the baby back to sleep won’t make that much of a difference.

Notgivenuphope · 09/02/2025 19:51

I wouldn’t be so selfish and have another child in the first place.

User0311 · 09/02/2025 19:53

Yes I would without a doubt!

rugrets · 09/02/2025 19:56

I don't get why you would have another child when you are wanting to outsource the actual parenting bit. What's the point? Being chronically ill is hardly fair on a child is it

IOYOYO · 09/02/2025 19:56

Op, I think it’s fine. Whatever makes things more manageable and accessible for you. I’d also recommend you ignore the chat that implies that you couldn’t possibly manage a family if you’re chronically ill/disabled. Everyone’s family looks different, and accepting help in order to build the family that you yearn for isn’t a bad or selfish thing. Disabled people can have families without it being “selfish”, unfortunately we live in very ablist society.

Babies are not wired for care from only one person, humans have quite typically cared for infants in small groups. A trusted night nurse is no different from a trusted nanny or childminder at a young age, which plenty of people also need to uti for a variety of reasons. Best of luck.

Original poster
babyexhaustion · 09/02/2025 19:56

Ponderingwindow · 09/02/2025 19:50

No. I had chronic health problems exacerbated by the lack of sleep, but a night nurse is pointless. You have to get up to do feeds anyway. Having someone who can do a diaper change and get the baby back to sleep won’t make that much of a difference.

they would feed the baby Too I would pump for them. I night nurse is there to nurse the baby in the night.

OP posts:
MumChp · 09/02/2025 19:57

Ponderingwindow · 09/02/2025 19:50

No. I had chronic health problems exacerbated by the lack of sleep, but a night nurse is pointless. You have to get up to do feeds anyway. Having someone who can do a diaper change and get the baby back to sleep won’t make that much of a difference.

Some mothers pump milk for a bottle. Other babies are bottle-fed 24/7.
It can be the mother's (and father's) need to sleep and the night nurse provides feedings and other care at night.

I also happens that night nurse bring baby to mum. Mum nurses and night nurse do the rest and settle baby.

wipeywipe · 09/02/2025 19:57

Yes I would

IOYOYO · 09/02/2025 19:59

rugrets · 09/02/2025 19:56

I don't get why you would have another child when you are wanting to outsource the actual parenting bit. What's the point? Being chronically ill is hardly fair on a child is it

Isn’t paying for any care of a child at any point “outsourcing” then? Assume you wouldn’t dare put a child in nursery in that case?!

babiesinthesnowflakes · 09/02/2025 19:59

Yes, I absolutely would if I could afford it. In fact we might have had a third baby if we could have afforded this kind of help!

Original poster
babyexhaustion · 09/02/2025 20:00

On a night of decent sleep I manage really well and the next day after is easier too my partner has done the odd night on his own or my older sister has come over to do the night. I could afford a night nurse for a long time. Would just mean one less holiday cutting back or dipping into savings.

OP posts:
ZforZebra · 09/02/2025 20:00

I could and I did with both DC. It was the best decision we ever made. I think having at least 6hrs unbroken sleep per night in the first months was the single biggest factor in helping me recover, look after and bond with my DC because I was rested and not an exhausted mess. I also learned a lot from the night nurse who helped me establish good sleep schedules for the DC. I BF both and the night nurse would bring the baby in to my room then take them back to their nursery to burp, change and settle which I found took far longer than the actual feed itself. After a few weeks I was pumping so that was even easier to manage. If asked I recommend it to any parents who can afford it. Whatever you need to make your parenting journey more bearable, do it.

BlondiePortz · 09/02/2025 20:02

But what about the days? If you are that unwell I don't think it is fair on either the first born or future children to have more nurse or not

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