Would you get a night nurse if you could afford it ?

[babyexhaustion]

I’m chronically ill and suffer from chronic fatigue. Have had a baby who’s 7 months and really struggled I think I was a bit naive to how exhausting baby’s are without fatigue issues. Partner works extremely long hours but does do half the nights with me. Due to his job safety he needs sleep too. I’m desperate for a second baby but have only just about copped with the lack of sleep it’s contributed to my pnd. We could save and afford a night nanny 3-2 evenings a week but I feel like a bad mum or cop out for even thinking about it getting one. Has anyone had one or got any advice x

Same experience here. I am finding 2 shattering and I don't have any conditions, am generally fit and well. I appreciate that not everyone finds it hard, or at least as hard as I do but I can't imagine coping if I had chronic fatigue. Sorry, I know that wasn't really your question...
I'm finding in some ways I'm more tired now than I was almost 3 years ago when DC2 was born. I'd have loved a night nurse at that point though.. sleep was dire!

Your not a bad mum for getting extra help. I have cfs, it's not easy and you have to find ways to manage during flare ups. My partner is supportive and I have family close by to help with the children so I manage. Take all the help you need and can afford

That's not actually the point of being a new mother. Let's raise the bar a bit.

I wouldn't have another. Having our second and very apprehensive as I'm exhausted during pregnancy with a toddler, let alone adding a newborn to the mix. We considered three DC but absolutely never now.

I also wouldn't get a night nurse. We're wired to respond to the crying so it'd be a waste of money if I'm getting up at the same time. I intervene too much when my DH is doing the comforting. I can sometimes hear a newborn crying next door (quietly through the walls) and I genuinely find myself on edge.

Can I asked how long you had the night nanny for and how many nights per week? I’m considering getting a night nanny but budget is limited so I’m wondering whether more frequently over a shorter period or just once-twice per week for a long period is better.

Totally agree.

@Namechange739 I would suggest more frequently the first few weeks when you need the rest and help most as you recover from birth. The nurse can also help you set a routine that works for you and baby early on, which will help build your confidence if it’s your first. Then you can taper it out later on to suit your budget. All the best!

Absolutely yes! I suffered horribly with PND after DD was born and I know that lack of sleep hugely exacerbated the illness. My lovely DH did alternate nights with me (I stopped BF after 6 weeks) but even then I was on my knees. It then got 100 times worse when I got pregnant again when DD was only 12 weeks old. The tiredness was unspeakable.

Far, far better for your baby to have a more alert, engaged, brighter Mummy every day. That's obviously far more beneficial for your baby than always doing the night feeds.

That's not a very nice post and given your name a bit hypocritical one would've thought

Pretty weird user name then

Dd1 nearly broke me so when my second pregnancy was twins I decided we’d pay for help if needed. I found this lady - https://www.rachelsbabies.com/ and started using her book. Never actually called her because the book worked (twins were prem and loved sleep so very different to dd1 - wish we got help with dd1 though, she’s now 17 and lovely).

I don’t know.

I absolutely considered it because I was on my knees with exhaustion. I used to stutter and shake with sheer exhaustion. I could barely function.

as it was, I got made redundant just before I went on mat leave, so money was really tight and we could not have afforded it, so couldn’t consider it seriously.

However, I do think it would be hard to switch off. Also I don’t think I could have slept through hearing them cry. I just don’t think it would have worked for me.

How about just getting some sort of childcare for during the day and going to bed and sleeping in the day maybe 1 or 2 days per week?

No, not really.

it very much depends on whether your child sleeps or not.

some babies sleep. Their mums are tired, but they are sleeping every night.

some babies don’t sleep for longer than 30 minutes at a time. Unless you’ve been through it, it’s hard to imagine that type of exhaustion.

my sleep deprivation brought on hallucinations, stuttering, shaking. It was awful and far beyond “all new mums are tired”.

Don’t be ridiculous. As a newborn my eldest wouldn’t sleep for longer than 30 minutes at a time. I was absolutely broken.
You’re saying they get worse than this? So your kids still wake you up every 30 minutes through the night do they? You spend all night rocking them
and burping them?

Chronically ill, chronic fatigue, PND, and a husband who works extremely long hours. Utter lunacy to have another child.

I definitely wouldn’t have done that, no but we co-sleep and breastfeed to sleep (he is 3 years and 7 months old now) and have done for most of his life as he wouldn’t sleep in a cot for long, if at all and breastfeeding is so much easier when they’re right there next to you!!

Just to let you know, things might not get easier in terms of sleep anytime soon - my little boy rarely goes to sleep before midnight and is often awake until 1/2am and sometimes even later. We have been told that he will need melatonin when he starts school but it only has a 50% chance of working so he could always have this sleeping pattern 🤷‍♀️

Use whatever support you need to manage your chronic illness. I don’t understand why people are being so rude about this.

Your husband’s need to be safe at work interests me though. We both resuscitate
people for a living and get up at night with children. As does every female surgeon I know. It only seems to be men whose jobs make it impossible to respond to children at night.

Yes of course, you have to do what you can to ensure you stay well and capable,there shouldn't be any guilt attached to such a sensible decision.

Nope never. It was the norm in my circle in London never did it because I’d hate a stranger looking after my baby especially at night. Everyone I know who used one became more and more incompetent and more detached from their children.

Just focus on a good routine from day one. It does work (in most cases). Then use the money for day care for eldest child & also baby. Get a cleaner too. I think a night nanny would be expensive tbh & not necessarily useful if you get the routine sorted & get both sleeping through.