Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How many good friends do you have?

81 replies

Battisborough · 09/02/2025 08:32

By good friends I don’t mean partners or blood relatives. I mean friends you would meet one to one regularly, regularly confined in and be likely to call if something went really wrong?

I think I have four really good friends. I have about another four or five I would meet 1:1 and tell some personal stuff too and who I care about but not that I believe would transcend moving neighbourhoods, or ceasing to work together.

there is than another circle of have a drink or a coffee with and text reasonably regularly but I don’t feel really close to.

OP posts:
Cactiiii · 09/02/2025 08:36

I think if you have that many good friends you’re lucky. Might be better to go and ask them this question, posts like this often just make others feel like shit.

Gymmum82 · 09/02/2025 08:39

I have 5 who I would say are good friends. I always feel a bit sorry for people who say their husband is their ‘best friend’ it just means they don’t have anyone else. You can’t get all your needs met by 1 person and strong female friendships I believe are so important

AtticusCatticus · 09/02/2025 08:46

I have two close friends, but my definition is a little less intense than yours; by your description I’d say none.

Original poster
Battisborough · 09/02/2025 08:50

Sorry, wasn’t meant to make anyone feel anything bad anymore than I would if asking about marriage on a board with divorcees or asking about kids on a board with infertile people. We surely have to be able to use boards to ask about our whole range of experiences and interests. I was just musing on what makes a good friend and how some people seem to have huge networks and other put everything into one person and how much variety there is and why that is.

OP posts:
LastNightMyPJsSavedMyLife · 09/02/2025 08:54

Zero and that's the way I like it. I prefer to spend my free time alone or with my partner or sister or adult offspring.

delilabell · 09/02/2025 08:56

4 very good friends
5 more good friends
Then a selection of 'other friends ' from different situations (work, school gate, football etc)
I know I am at a very lucky point with friendships but it has taken a long time and lots of hard work on my self confidence to get here.
I only have good or very good friends who care about me as much as I care about them. I also think it's a sliding scale for friendships and they can move up and down without dissapearing completely

TheAzureSwan · 09/02/2025 08:57

Battisborough · 09/02/2025 08:50

Sorry, wasn’t meant to make anyone feel anything bad anymore than I would if asking about marriage on a board with divorcees or asking about kids on a board with infertile people. We surely have to be able to use boards to ask about our whole range of experiences and interests. I was just musing on what makes a good friend and how some people seem to have huge networks and other put everything into one person and how much variety there is and why that is.

Well I think if you had asked the question "What makes a good friend" then it might have been a more reasonable question.
As it is your question just sounds like an invitation to boast.

Lentilweaver · 09/02/2025 08:58

About 4 but they are scattered, so I need more. Working on it.

Cactiiii · 09/02/2025 09:02

Maybe you didn’t mean it but it comes across as a stealth boast. You didn’t ask ‘what makes a good friend’, you just told us all how many you have. So many lonely people out there especially on Mumsnet! It’s great you have a lot of friends, I think most aren’t that lucky.

EveryDayisFriday · 09/02/2025 09:04

2 but they live really far away. My best friend has recently moved from our village to the other side of the country and I am grieving for our friendship.

I'm now at the stage where my kids can look after themselves so if I want to go and do something and DH is at work, I'll go by myself. Took some getting used to but I've booked a couple of comedy shows to go on my own this year and I can't wait. I do think I need a friend to do these things with but I don't make friends easily but when I do they are truly important to me. I think finding a new best friend seems like a lot of hard work, especially since I'm at home 95% of the time.

FancyNewt · 09/02/2025 09:04

1 very close. About 5 less close but good friends. I have been friends with all of these for over 20 years. Then about 5 more that I see reasonably regularly but not sure how long it will last. I've known them for less than 10 years.

SpringBunnyHopHop · 09/02/2025 09:05

Two. I had another but they vanished a few months ago.

ThimbleT · 09/02/2025 09:13

I think it’s a perfectly reasonable question, OP.

I have 5 or 6 close friends, including a cousin and a couple of friends who have been in my life for 20+ years. A couple of others I have met within the last 5 or so years through previous jobs etc. Some have met each other but they are all one to one friendships rather than being from the same friendship group. I have a few more friends where we very occasionally meet up one on one, or as part of a wider group with partners etc.

I think the key to sustaining close friendships as an adult is approaching them like a relationship with a sibling. You’re going to piss each other off from time to time but you’re both in for the long haul and have to get over yourself.

Lentilweaver · 09/02/2025 09:15

Yes, perfectly reasonable question.

Doggymummar · 09/02/2025 09:17

LastNightMyPJsSavedMyLife · 09/02/2025 08:54

Zero and that's the way I like it. I prefer to spend my free time alone or with my partner or sister or adult offspring.

Me too, people are too much energy for me

SkiingIsHeaven · 09/02/2025 09:27

I very good friend who I see often and speak to most days and three people who I don't see or speak to often but they would drop everything and come to me if I needed anything.

I also have a husband and family who are great.

I'm happy the way things are.

Wonkyhouse · 09/02/2025 09:27

Zero :(

Original poster
Battisborough · 09/02/2025 09:28

I agree it take a lot of time and effort for a good friendship to form. Of my four closest friend two are from primary school so we have been friends for nearly four decades and seen each other through a lot. I lost both parents at a young age and those two friends saw me through it all which really cemented a life long bond. My other two closest friends are mums I made friends with when my first child was born and I but a HUGE amount of effort into making friends when I was on that first maternity leave. With no parents to help and a husband working long hours I found it key to my mental health to be out with other mums doing things every day so I really tried hard to find my tribe. I didn’t class them as really close friends for many years though and only after we had also seen each other through quite a few ups and downs.

OP posts:
MightyGoldBear · 09/02/2025 09:30

Maybe 1. I'm not someone who needs lots of friends,I much prefer just one to one. I've always been like this I thought I was a introvert but suspect I might potentially be autistic.

I think more people have fewer or no friends than people realise its easy to assume we all have that group of friends from school work uni etc making friends as a adult can be really difficult I think if you've got one you're doing well.

Mielbee · 09/02/2025 09:31

3 really good friends who I regularly keep up to date with and if shit hit the fan I could rely on. Like one drove 2 hours to hold my newborn baby so I could sleep. They live at least 2 hours away in different directions. We go away together every year even if just a weekend.

Another 5 good friends who I have sporadic messages with and live too far away for seeing often, but some come to stay once a year or every other year. One is not quite close enough for staying over but I would see her when in her area. Actually another lives quite a lot closer and we do meet up sometimes but mainly have phone calls to catch up. These would still be there for me if I needed them.

Then a handful of local mum friends who I haven't known as long but would meet up with 1:1 and over time hope that these will grow and we will become each other's 'village'.

I consider myself very lucky with friends. My DH has doesn't really have anyone on the same level. A couple of uni friends but they don't meet regularly or particularly confide in each other and a local dad friend who he hasn't known that long.

Lentilweaver · 09/02/2025 09:33

I put almost as much effort into making friends as I do my job or family ( DC mow grown).
I have to as I have moved around a lot.

Wonderwall23 · 09/02/2025 09:38

I'm not very sociable and don't feel I need friends but I have a group of 5 friends from school who I consider my close friends. We're not like in the OP...I don't meet them 1 on 1 often or have deep and meaningful conversations but we meet together every so often (not that regularly!) and whatsapp etc. But I know they would drop everything if I did need them and vice versa.

Some of them have other close friends who they see more often whereas I don't. But I think they'd still class me as closest despite this. It is hard to explain! I guess we are 'oldest' friends rather than 'close' friends but I think we just have a foundation that means it'll last.

ffsgloria · 09/02/2025 09:39

I have 1 local and then 3 or 4 not local - women I have known for 25+ years & see rarely but count as very good friends & message sporadically. I am autistic & find friendships hard, draining, confusing 😂

WonderingWanda · 09/02/2025 09:40

meet one to one regularly, regularly confined in and be likely to call if something went really wrong?

I have a few who meet all your criteria and a few more who partially meet it but distance and family commitments mean I don't see them as often and wouldn't be my first call in an emergency but who I absolutely would confide in. Likewise I have lovely neighbours who I would (and have called on) in emergencies but they are not my closest friends. I have some newer friends from a new job who I am starting to feel could become close friends but not quite there yet. I have a wonderful friend who I haven't seen for a year, wouldn't rely on for anything but who I adore and when we remember to message or meet each other it's always as if it was just yesterday we spoke. I'm not sure I can really put people in one box.

user6432879631 · 09/02/2025 09:41

1 - we grew up next door, we’re early 50’s.
Did have a group of 5, friends of 30 years, but they seem to have retreated into family meet-ups since covid so don't really see much of them since, no one seems to want to go to dinner/pub or concerts anymore!

Swipe left for the next trending thread