How many good friends do you have?

[Battisborough]

By good friends I don’t mean partners or blood relatives. I mean friends you would meet one to one regularly, regularly confined in and be likely to call if something went really wrong?

I think I have four really good friends. I have about another four or five I would meet 1:1 and tell some personal stuff too and who I care about but not that I believe would transcend moving neighbourhoods, or ceasing to work together.

there is than another circle of have a drink or a coffee with and text reasonably regularly but I don’t feel really close to.

2 very close friends of 40 years +
4 very good friends that I socialise with often.
A few more that I see less frequently but still consider friends and then my work friends.

I have friends, people I chat to or would go on a night out with but mostly through work.
None who I'd go to with a problem. My wife is my best friend, we have great fun and she's who I lean on if I need anything. And vice versa. Suits us.
There's nobody who I prefer to spend my time with.

Can I ask whether you are male or female?

I know my husband has fewer deep friendships and sometimes I wonder if that’s a male trait. He likes a drink after work with his team, or an occasional group night out with school or uni mates but he doesn’t have that 1:1 friendship model and would likely only tell me what’s really on his mind.

I am that person that you feel sorry for 😂
I did have 1 best friend.
Without revealing too much, she had a baby and entered into an intense baby bubble (I don’t blame her for this) and we just drifted apart.
20 years of friendship and it just fizzled out once she’d got her longed for child.
I couldn’t be happier for her though, it’s all she’s ever wanted.
I miss her a lot, she was like a sister to me.
So now I only have my DP, family and children.
I don’t really know how to make “new” friends as an adult? 🥲

I have a few local friends who I go for lunch and drinks with at least once or twice a month. I wouldn't call them close though because I wouldn't confide in them really, well maybe partially confide. They're not people I could call in a crisis. In twenty years of "friendship" I've had two occasions when I reached out for help. On both occasions there was silence and one of them replied simply by saying "no, I can't" (emergency was to collect my youngest from after school club as trains were cancelled).

my husband is friends with her husband and he admitted that she won't ever do favours as she's worried that people will expect it all the time. It was once or twice in two decades and I've helped her before!

I have a husband, sisters, a close cousin and three children who are all adults now and do a job which involves lots of communication and talking, so I guess I'm too talked out and have enough family to bother with being proactive about making lots of friends

That’s really sad a similar thing happened to a friend of mine. Her ‘best friend’ got married and pregnant and binned off all her friends. I don’t understand it personally. You never know what the future holds.
Recently an acquaintance woke up to find her husband dead in bed next to her. He was 43. Imagine having no one but your husband and that happens. What do you do? Who do you turn to? This is one of the many reasons I put as much effort in to my friendships as I do my marriage. Even if you have the most perfect relationship you never know what’s round the corner and you could be left with absolutely nobody

I am not so keen on putting all.my eggs in one emotional basket because that basket may leave or die or drift apart or get tired of listening to me

It is quite scary!
But an even “sadder” part of the story is due to childhood, I’m so used to being alone I just don’t cope in a lifestyle of having lots of friends and people messaging and the upkeep of relationships is draining to me.
I wish I was more sociable.
I think I come across (irl) as funny, friendly, kind etc. because I’ve had lots of people try and invite me out or want to get to know me better and I just panic and run 😂

@Battisborough I'm female. The thing I've found with being married to a woman, I feel like she's is both a great friend and, and my intimate partner. I do wonder what we'll do when one of us dies. We are social but still prefer each other's company.

We had exactly this thread (again) on 28th January. I don't know how to link to a thread

I agree with your definition and would say that I have 5 very close friends who meet it. My very best friends are both men and both now live over five hours away from me. We meet up a few times a year, either one to one or as part of a wider group. We message several times a week and I feel like I could tell them anything. Two are female friends whom I’ve known for 30 years and are connected to my work. We see each other most days through work but I feel that if we stopped working together, the friendships would carry on. We know each other’s families well. One is an old schoolfriend who has lives nearby and has kids the same age as mine. We don’t see each other often, but it’s so easy and comfortable when we do. Of all my friends, she is the one who is also close to my DH.

Beyond these, I’ve probably got 20 friends/colleagues that I meet with for coffee, drinks etc and whose company I really enjoy.

Like PPs, I prioritise friendship and work hard at maintaining these relationships. I’m a very sociable person. I also find it a bit sad when people refer to their partner as their best friend. I have a very happy marriage and my DH is more important to me than anyone apart from my kids, but, I need friendship outside our marriage too.

True love!

I’m the same. Two friends I regularly meet and live in the same city. Two friends I love and talk with regularly and meet as much as possible, because we live in different countries.

And then a rather good and big circle of acquaintances I will meet for coffee and go out at events (along with the close friends above). Some of them will remain as such, some might develop to close relationships, circumstances allowing.

I love people and I like developing deep relationships. I think this is what makes life worth living tbh.

I think that friendships evolve over time too. Sometimes that means that they fizzle out and that's ok really. My female friendships are very important to me, particularly four of them and I think we all bring different aspects to each other in our friendships.

Probably 6 or 7 but a fair few of those live far away so although they would drop everything for me and vice versa we don't meet in person regularly ( could be anything from a few times a year to once every few years).

I have two very close friends like that, and a third who lives far away but I would confide most things in via text.

I’d like a few more friends actually- not to confide in but a few more casual ones to go out with. Between work and kids it’s hard to get out though, especially as my husband works shifts so schedules are all over

One close friend lives 5 hours drive away.
One is 9 hours drive away.
One left years ago to live in the states and we're not in touch often.
Got a couple of friends 2 hours away but both have busy lives.

Got a few friends in my town but barely see them, they're always too busy.

Feel very lonely as a result of this.

2 or 3 close friends, several others in larger friendship group.
i don’t overthink it just happy as am.
Friends come an go so I never think much about it.

4 local
about 30 scattered

One best lifelong friend and 5 very good close friends I would say. The ones you keep in touch with, know your life and vice versa, always there for a chat no matter how far away. A few more who I tend to see as a group, known for a long time but only see altogether a couple of times a year for occasions, so social friends.

There have been others along the way I've had great friendships with but don't see or in contact with much, drifted apart.

Love my little sister, she's like my BF as well.

In 50 plus years I'm so grateful to them all. Xx

Zero close local friends, not one. I did have a very close friend but we're no longer in touch. No reasons really other than perimenopausal stress and lock down. Sad I've lost her. I have several groups of friends who live elsewhere who I see once or twice a year, and LOVE seeing them. But on a day to day basis quite lonely.

For many years I had 4 really close friends, who would see/speak to every week. Sadly we are all getting on now and two have died and two moved countries to be near family.

I've put my big girl pants on and made more of an effort to be sociable at my hobbies, go to the social events etc. I now have a nice circle of friends that I can go out for meals with etc - but honestly - they are not the "I could turn up on their doorstep at 2am" friends that my others were - those relationships developed over 40-50yrs and can't be replaced IMO.

3 that I'd trust with my life , - few more that I meet on a regular basis for coffee / drinks and a chat x

5 very good friends, the sort you can ring at 2am in a crisis, then about the same number who I can still meet up with 1 to 1 but wouldn’t be telling them every single nitty gritty detail. Unfortunately 4 of the closest friends I have ever had, sadly 3 have died, one in her forties and the other 2 in their early fifties and then I had a falling out with the other one who on reflection was a massive user and the only friend who has ever let me down.

Of the 5 very good, all are 20 years plus right up to 50 years except 1 who is almost 2 years. We were both amazed to get on with someone like that at 55 when we met. I feel like I have known her all my life.

I also have 4 sisters, I’m very close to 2, hardly know 1 as she was 18 when I was born and absolutely cannot be in touch with one due to her appalling behaviour. Attempting to seduce my DH who was terrified was the last straw with that one. People always speak to me it’s bizarre, my Mother was the same.

None, mostly by choice. My family get most of my energy and effort and I don't want to split my time with other people. I'm not lonely as I like my own company and spending time with DH and dcs. I'm independent and very private, and have never needed anyone to confide in or to rely on when things go wrong. I've had several life crises over the years and have learned to be resilient and deal with things myself.