Would you date someone who was separated from but still living in same house as wife?

[Banoffeepielover]

I've been seeing someone for about a month, it has literally just been green flag after green flag, I honestly couldn't fault him. He is so thoughtful and kind, consistent, great communication, just basically does everything right and in a genuine way , not in a lovebomb type way.
He split with his wife 8 months ago, she initiated it. They live in the same house together and sleep in separate rooms, he also has a 12 year old daughter.
He is doing the whole trying to move out thing so it's not like he's just not taking action.
Would this put you off? He has been transparent about it and I have my own place and so we can come here if we want privacy etc.

No, far too messy a situation for me.

I was in this situation when I met my partner 11 years ago. However the house was up for sale, we just couldn't afford to separate until the house was sold. We dated for a few months before we were intimate so it didn't matter that we just went for dinner etc, I quite liked it to be honest.

FUCK NO

For my DH, I didn’t visit him in his first marital home where he was still living. We were dating so pubs / restaurants etc., plus I had my own home to myself so he visited me.

No. Gave the benefit of the doubt once in this situation many moons ago, turned out I was the OW.

No because I'd never belove someone that they are truly fully separated. You dony know what goes on behind closed doors.

Often the men say I'm trying to move out etc. Well of they truly wanted to they would. Even if it was to a bedsit or relatives.

When my dh left his ex many years before we got together ( we were friends prior since teens ) they split. He left with a bin bag of clothes. There and then. Stayed with his family until he got a place of his own. It wasn't the nicest place but it was a start so they could both properly move on

Yes and it worked out very well indeed. We’re now married and incredibly happy. We were both living with ex spouses, staying put for children’s sake until the right time to move out. Although it did help that he was actively in process of moving out. He just didn’t want to be apart from his kids until he absolutely had to.

No

No way. Run far far away.

He hasn't yet been through the emotional trauma of divorce, which is always horrible however amicable, he hasn't physically or mentally moved out of the family home, he is not ready for a mature new relationship as he hasn't processed the end of the existing one.

Also if he's a solicitor I don't believe he couldn't afford to rent somewhere small for himself while sorting the divorce, I think it's disgusting of him to be pursuing a new relationship while still living in the family home, is he going to ask you to go there at all and what would you feel about that?

Everything is wrong about this, I'm surprised you even had one date with the man, are you desperate?

I have done. Big mistake, wouldn't do it again. He was still accountable to her and our relationship hit a dead end so I finished it. The first mistake was that he didn't tell me he was living with her.

Also have done this. I met his ex, his children, his parents. It's definitely a weird situation, it can work but don't fall for him taking time to find a house and then "why don't we just move in together".

His daughter is 12 - if he doesn't handle it right it's a very difficult age to bring in a girlfriend. If he is a good man he will be happy to date you without living together, and prioritising his child.

No. Especially as she ended things. Rebound romances rarely last.

My now DH could have afforded to rent somewhere small and live on his own apart from his ex wife while looking for something bigger But they both agreed that selling the house and having two decent size places where the kids could have their own bedrooms at both houses was their priority. So they put up with living with each other with him in the spare room till the house was sold. I'm not going to say who was right, but it worked.

No. My exH and I were in this situation. We would still occasionally sleep together even though we were dating around. He moved out, got into a new relationship and we'd still be discussing whether we could reconcile. In hindsight we weren't able to move on until we divorced as there was always something pulling us back together. It will be worse if they have a DD together. And honestly when me and exH started dating while still living together, we shouldn't have - they were just rebounds and we eventually ended up with people we met AFTER the divorce.

No. On the grounds that anyone who has been trying to move out for 8 months but has failed must be some incompetent nincompoop. The reality is that if he has shown himself not to be a nincompoop he's been unable to move out because his penis keeps falling into his 'ex' partner. Poor lamb.

I'm the wife in this situation and it was absolutely news to me that we were apparently separated but still living together, or whatever other shit he fed his new girlfriend.
Unless you have reliable friends in common or have spoken to his wife, you can probably presume he's lying

I’ve NC for this but have posted before. I’d give him a chance - but only if ex wife is prepared to meet to confirm his story.

I’ve been separated from v long term partner for four years. House sharing with him now. Separate rooms. Makes more financial sense - we literally contribute as a house share. We have separate rooms, no funny business as we really haven’t found each other attractive for a long time, we just live our own lives. It’s not acrimonious at all - we might have a brew and talk about our adult kids maybe 2-3 times a week, but we have our own rooms in the house to live and spend time in.

We’ve both had other relationships since, and new partners have met up and it has been confirmed.

It’s not uncomfortable - we have rules (partners only able to come to the house when the other is away is one).

If he’s making a move to leave give him some time - but maybe try to not to fall head over heels until he’s settled in his own space. Co parenting a 12 yo might be difficult. If it’s amicable with his ex I would say this is a positive. And it’s good for his child too to see parents who are not together but who don’t hate each other.

I did. Worse decision of my life. He turned out to be a needy emotional vampire who was terrified of living on his own.

Next time you see him, say 'I'm going to get to know your wife - I've connected with her on Facebook and we're going for coffee and a chat.'

Watch his reaction.

Nope

I have my own place

Good! Never give it up. It's a roof over your head forever. Old age and all that.

Men come and go in and out of your life. Why get involved in their exes, kids problems etc,

Just entangling in stuff you don't need in life.

My partner 7 months has been unhappy in his marriage for years. Now separated nearly a year but still living with his wife. I love him with all my heart but it really hurts when he goes home. He claims they are in separated bedrooms, money shouldn't be a problem because they both have good incomes but apparently they are doing it for their children. Please advise

Oh dear.
”He has a solicitor and went to see a mortgage advisor”.
I initiated the divorce from my husband, he clammed up. I tried so hard to talk to him but he got a new “hobby” and was out several evenings and Saturdays. The night before we were going somewhere to do with our child, I couldn’t contact him, it was after midnight and I was so worried. Eventually he came home, I was so relieved and asked where on earth he’d been. At a friend’s. I knew then - he’d never had friends! The divorce which could have been so straightforward and amicable dragged on for four years because he moved in with her and took his eye off the ball.
Going back to the night I couldn’t locate him - my teenager was aware I was so worried and was aware of the girlfriend but couldn’t say. I am so cross with my now ex-husband for putting them in that position.

I do agree. Not much financial outlay if any so far - can have an initial consultation with a solicitor at no cost, same with mortgage advisor at this stage. There’s so many stages to go through yet!

Even if he's being honest, it's way too complicated and too soon.

I'd almost guarantee his wife hasn't accepted its all over.

Like everything else, if he wanted to leave he'd have left.