Would you date someone who was separated from but still living in same house as wife?

[Banoffeepielover]

I've been seeing someone for about a month, it has literally just been green flag after green flag, I honestly couldn't fault him. He is so thoughtful and kind, consistent, great communication, just basically does everything right and in a genuine way , not in a lovebomb type way.
He split with his wife 8 months ago, she initiated it. They live in the same house together and sleep in separate rooms, he also has a 12 year old daughter.
He is doing the whole trying to move out thing so it's not like he's just not taking action.
Would this put you off? He has been transparent about it and I have my own place and so we can come here if we want privacy etc.

I would not be having sex with him until he moved out.

I would also think about what you want. Do you think he's going to jump from one marriage into another, or is he just looking for something fun?

Absolutely not. And tbh I would take a dim view of someone who was already dating while still living under the same roof as his wife and children.

Me and eXH lived together for 8 months after we split and while I was waiting to move out. We slept in separate bedrooms, and the DC were aware that we had split but in reality the split didn’t become real for the DC until we had actually moved out.

Even if you’re not yet being introduced to his DC, his going off for nights away is something which won’t go unnoticed by them, and if they’re old enough they’ll soon figure out why.

Give it time for him to move out and if the relationship is meant to be then it will still last.

Not a chance in hell, no.

Were you dating other men at the same time as well though?

A friend of mine was in your exact situation, he was lying to her the whole time.

You say he went to see a solicitor, how do you know? Did you go with him? If you went with him, did you wait outside or go inside with him? Just because he went to see a solicitor, it doesn't mean it was about divorce proceedings! Also to add if you did attend with him, it doesn't mean he will go through with it.

Similar to mortgage, how do you know? Just because he may seem to be applying for a mortgage, how do you know it's not for him and his wife?

Obviously it's early days and he may not want to introduce you to the marital home, think you need concrete evidence that they are truly split. Like I say my friend went through a similar experience, next thing is, she is getting 'home wrecker' messages from the wife who she believed to have been the ex.

I am not sure I would go to all this effort one month in.

Seems like a whole lot of drama for OP to deal with.

No

Yes, we both dated during this time. I dated 1 other man for 3 years and ex is now living with his gf that he meet during the time we lived together.

His ex was always suss that we were still sleeping together. YUCK, would be like sleeping with my brother!! we never did!!!

We were forced to get along / live together, due to our caring responsibilities but it worked well for our family while our son was young, meaning we could co-parent while still having our own lives.

Very much depends if and when he moves out from the house he shares with his ex. He might very well be telling you the truth, but equally he wouldn't be the first man to say he's separated and will be leaving the marital home, for it to turn out to all be a lie. What you don't want is a lot of words, but no action! He can tell you he has a solicitor and has seen a mortgage advisor, but has he?! What you don't want is unwittingly ending up being the OW or waiting for eternity for him to leave the marital home! Offer to view some properties with him etc. If he starts being vague about timeframes etc, then it's time to step back.

No I wouldn’t .

I did. He was staying in the house with and she was moving out. They lived together for a couple of months so that wasn’t an issue. The relationship failed however as he still prioritised making her happy (she was emotionally abusive so he did everything according to her plans and plan changes, which affected our plans most weeks). In hindsight, I should have seen that he had no boundaries with her so that’s something I would look out for in your situation.

I did and am still married to him 20+ years on.

They had been separated for quite a lot longer than 8 months though and we had many mutual friends who knew them as a couple and as singletons post separation so I was in no doubt about the situation.

He stayed longer than he possibly should mainly because it meant he could easily see the DC after work (he worked long hours) as well as the cost of course, giving his exW time to find work.

"He is doing the whole trying to move out thing so it's not like he's just not taking action."

what is the whole trying to move out thing...

Sounds like he is spinning pathetic vague lies... he either is moving out or isn't. What action is he taking? I'd need to know that he has viewed XXX properties and will be moving within XXX weeks/months to even consider seeing him again.

🤣 nope. I’ve heard this before. It’s a lie.

Nope.
He is not available would be my stance.

No way

In what way has he been 'trying to move out' for 8 months??

No.

No. To me that would be a massive red flag.

I would assume that either you will get dragged into a messy divorce, that he could be just using you or worse he’s lying and they are still together. I don’t see any positive at all.

Hmmmm.

Living in comfy family home with woman who initiated the split - so maybe he didn't really want it? Feelingzzzzzz ...

Hasn't made any effort to find his own place and extricate himself and start a new life - so maybe he'd be quite happy for things to get back to normal?

Adolescent daughter at the very worst age for the new woman to come on the scene and take Daddy away in the mix?

New woman lined up like shark's teeth for him to move onto (and in with) just in case it doesn't work out with wife?

NOT IN A MILLION YEARS

A thought ... Does his wife actually know they've separated and are splitting?

Have you discussed it with her?

Have you actually met her?

She's going to be in your life for at least a decade - so it would be an idea.

Same here. I was cautious but also thought he was worth the risk. It was tough going for a while though, not going to lie.

Absolutely not. Nor would I date a parent, either.
Choose a boyfriend who's actually single and ready to date.
I can't see how this married father who is very recently separated (but still living with his wife) could enhance your life.

Hmm. A year or so ago I would have said that my brother who is definitely split up from his ex wife is a nice guy and to give this one a chance. But I have to say that my brother is STILL living with his ex 2.5 years after they split, despite saying for ages that he wants to move out. Really not sure why it's taking so long.

em no sorry