When did you go from Miss to Ma'am in the eyes of strangers?

[purplepenletter]

At what age did you stop getting called miss, girl, hen (for the scots) and started getting called lady, ma'am and so on? Yes I know people should be saying woman and Ms and that Miss and Mrs typically refer to your marital status but obviously most people don't use that language yet.

I remember once being in a pub with my father (late 70s or early 80s). He was collecting me from university at the end of the year and we stopped off for a meal on the way home.

The person serving us couldn't decide how to address me and alternated between "Miss" and "Madam". I suspect he was unclear about our relationship and whether I was the daughter or the wife/mistress!

I was often referred to as "the lady" when I was 16 (in the 1970s) and working in a café (for example in the context of a mother saying to her child something like "ask the lady...".

The only place I have ever been addressed as "ma'am" is my local butcher. They don't seem to differentiate by age. Customers of any age are either "sir" or "ma'am".

Funnily enough, I have been called ma’am a few times lately (I’m nearly forty) and I was very surprised because we don’t say that here in Ireland at all, there isn’t any equivalent either afaik. It was from people who are not from here originally. I found it really weird. I think they were probably trying to be respectful or something but honestly, I took offence a bit at the time. Not just because it was “ma’am” rather than “miss”, either sounds quite rude to me.

I think it's interesting to consider the etymology. "Ma'am" is a contraction of "madam," which is the Anglicized form of "madame," which in French means "my lady."

Oh for goodness sake. The OP was not wrong to say that people who have experience of being called “hen” will be Scottish. She never said “one for all the Scots” or any such thing.

The teachers at my son's school call me Ma'am.

I rather like it!

@HotCrossBunplease
It's such a ridiculous generalisation though. It's like saying "pet" which would be used in NE England- for the English.

Started being called ma’am after i gained a load of pregnancy weight. Lost the weight and have been called miss as recently as yesterday. Feel about 100 years old currently

I’m sure that there are some people from NE England who would gladly tell you they have never used or been called “pet” in their lives. What harm does it do to you if she generalised a bit, this isn’t an academic linguistics paper and isn’t even a thread about dialect.

As I said earlier to another poster from the Aberdeen area where it is not used, it’s telling how quickly and definitively you felt the need to disclaim any association with the word. If she had had said “quine, for the Scots”, I would not have felt the need to come on to clarify that Scots from my part of Scotland would not use that word. Where would it end? I believe that the rush to disclaim any connection with “hen” is because its use is an indicator of lower-class status. That’s not a good look.

I'm not a snob and have never understood "hen" to be class based but geographical.

It was ths OP'S use of "hen for the Scots" I objected to. There are 5 million people in Scotland and, just as in England, we don't all talk the same.

I've only ever been addressed as ma'am when I've been in the USA.
I'm in Scotland and have been called hen,doll or pal.

I was first called Madam instead of Miss when I turned about 30 , and I remember feeling so upset (because I thought it meant I looked old 😆) until a friend pointed out that it's a mark of respect and then I stopped feeling bothered by it.

I’ve never been known as either. More recently I’ve noticed overseas call centres using Ma’am. There is/was only one Ma’am for me and that was the late Queen. I think it’s disrespectful and rude to address anyone with Ma’am in the UK.

The only time I've heard "Ma'am" in this country was when we had an American pupil. He answered all teachers with "Yes sir" or "Yes Ma'am"

Never. No one calls you miss or ma'am around here.

Well I'm Scottish hence the Hen but I do live in the US.

Sorry for offending your sensibilities "Ma'am" 😂

In the South East it's love usually or darhling. Been Ma'med in the states and madamed in France ( since around 40 if not accompanied by my own children), never been madamed.

I got Madam in a hotel last week. I was a bit shocked, but shouldn't be, as I'm over sixty.

I was helping out in a reception office the other day and someone said, 'Ask the woman', meaning me. I've never been called that in my life before to my face. I had to laugh at myself for being a bit flabbergasted by it.

It is both geographical and class- based.

Within the geographical areas where it is used, it is only used by a particular class. Whatever you have previously understood was mistaken.

I am telling you this from my own direct experience.

I just remembered that “Madam” is of course used a lot by parents when young female children are acting up.

from an ad for Clarks shoes in the 70s ' my mummy says when I grow up I'm going to be a proper little madam'

Erm I don't know I can't say being called those things is a regular occurrence! 😂
Maybe miss sometimes on the phone but even then it's mostly first name.
Such a strange thread, are people really called 'lady' and 'ma'am' and 'girl' regularly 😂

occasionally at work I’m called ma’am I work with ex offenders/rehabilitation and while we try to discourage the hierarchy some are very institutionalised

At the age of 19, I was called Madame when I had taken a new watch back for the second time in a month and was asking for a brand new replacement.

I got called Madam in a shop about a month after I got married, age 28. It was a shock and I wondered if everyone would now call me that if they noticed my wedding ring. I don’t recall it happening again though in the following 20 years.