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Original poster

Parents of gcse kids please read and advise

71 replies

yellowstones · 30/01/2025 22:49

Not sure how I am feeling about this.

Dd got a grade 9 in Spanish when she sat her gcse in Spanish in year 9. She is now in year 11
And taking French.
Dd had parents evening last term and her French teacher was very blunt about how she needs to pull her socks up hard and graft for that 9. She said 'the train has left the platform and you are now running to keep up' , alongside mentioning that dd is sometimes a few minutes late for her classes and wears arm jewellery, she's not working hard enough and her previous 9 in Spanish is making her complacent. I was quite taken aback by this as every other teacher was very positive of dd and she is usually a grade 9 student in most of her subjects. Dd was very upset after this parents evening and cried on the way home in the car. I had a chat with dd the day after and she agreed to put more effort in and revise for French. She got a 7 in her recent mocks. This is possibly not the grade her teachers expect at this stage in the school year ?

Fast forward to today. I went for dd2s parents evening to see her Spanish teacher and happened to meet dd1s french teacher in the same room. She kept me talking for a good 10 minutes or more (in front of half a room full of waiting parents), she said she'd just marked dds paper. She's running out of patience with her as she comes unequipped to lessons sometimes her workbook isn't ready etc. she ended it by saying she's improved since last time but she thinks dd is arrogant and that dd looks af her with contempt !!! She also said getting a 9 in a subject is just proof that you are good at absorbing information and that's it. I was so thrown by not only her comments but her tone and overall body language that I must have visibly flinched and she said I'm sorry if that's come across as unkind - I said that was hard to hear to be honest but I'm open to understanding why you feel this way. I personally don't think she's arrogant or has contempt for anyone because I know her better than anyone.

What is going on. I've come home, dd was denying it all and saying her French teacher hates her . Dh has had a go at dd to sort herself out and she burst into tears . Yes she can be moody and prickly at times but I would never describe it as arrogance , I know how anxious she gets over her grades and exams. I know under that prickly exterior is a very sensitive girl.

She's predicted mainly 9s and I'm wondering if it's too much pressure. Her main subjects are triple science and maths and she's working very hard towards these. I just feel so confused by this whole thing and not sure what to do moving forward.

OP posts:
Miloarmadillo2 · 30/01/2025 22:55

If every other teacher says she is a good student and your impression is that she is working hard then maybe it is the French teacher that is the problem.
A grade 7 is still an A in old money - hardly seems consistent with someone that is not trying.
Is there any option to ask to swap classes or is it only one GCSE class?

Echobelly · 30/01/2025 22:56

Feh, she's not keen on French. Let her 'only' get a 7 in it if it comes to that. Maybe French teacher just doesn't like her but it doesn't seem like your DD needs motivation or extra pressure to succeed. And what the hell does 'wearing arm jewellery' have to do with anything?

Original poster
yellowstones · 30/01/2025 22:58

I thought a 7 was good too! Dd feels like a 7 is terrible and has always put a lot of pressure on herself to achieve the highest grades. She told me the other day that I am the only parent amongst her friends that doesn't 'tell' her daughter which grade she needs to achieve. I'm also worried she's putting all her self worth in her grades (but that's a whole other story)

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noblegiraffe · 30/01/2025 22:58

Is she coming unequipped to lessons wearing jewellery that needs to be removed?

Original poster
yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:00

So the two things were unrelated but not I think.
She comes in wearing arm jewellery (which yes she's told to remove), but also she sometimes doesn't have her workbook ready to be marked or something. Whatever it is in French they do.

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cansu · 30/01/2025 23:00

It sounds very much like your dd isn't working that well in class and that she is being borderline rude to the teacher probably because she has dared to tell you she isn't doing that well. Given she is in year 11 you need to discuss with her what grade she thinks she would like to get in her French. If she is aiming for a high grade she needs to put her dislike of the teacher aside and buckle down.

Original poster
yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:02

@cansu yes that's a possibility however there was no big telling off after the parents evening as she was upset on the way home. We had a gentle chat about managing expectations vs effort put in and she agreed she needed to put in more effort. I'm just wondering if there is more going on and the teacher is getting abit personal now with her dislike for dd.

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 30/01/2025 23:02

yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:00

So the two things were unrelated but not I think.
She comes in wearing arm jewellery (which yes she's told to remove), but also she sometimes doesn't have her workbook ready to be marked or something. Whatever it is in French they do.

Then she is being a pain in the arse and no wonder the teacher is annoyed?

MumChp · 30/01/2025 23:02

She can improve significantly. She can meet on time and she can be well prepared. And don't wear bracelets as she is told.

The opposite can be interpreted by a teacher as arrogance. I would.

I would ask daughter do better and of course work on the subject.
Not everyone has to have a top grade. For me it's not about the grade but being polite and put in an effort. An respect the teacher and other pupils time. Your daughter doesn't.

Longhotsummers · 30/01/2025 23:03

Listen to what the teacher is saying - your DD is regularly late to lesson. That’s arrogance as it disrupts everyone’s learning, including her own and she doesn’t come properly equipped. Why not? She’s in Y11 and has had two years to sort herself out. I think you’re missing the message the teacher is giving you.
Your daughter crying suggests she doesn’t like the truth either. Don’t blame the teacher as she’s not the one who’ll be sitting the exam.

Juicyapple44 · 30/01/2025 23:06

Odd question but does the teacher actually have the correct child she is talking about ? I only ask as we had a parent teacher and how the teacher was talking, describing my DS we know it was not him and challenged her in it, we got her to describe said child, she did not describe our DS at all but some random different child with completely different name ,

Original poster
yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:06

@Longhotsummers I understand and this is why I have posted so I can get some perspective. I'm trying to describe the whole thing as neutrally as I can. The teacher has also mentioned previously that dd has a natural flair for languages and is a very able girl.
I'm so disappointed that dd is losing her passion
For languages and I think today it came across that so is her French teacher.

OP posts:
Original poster
yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:07

@Juicyapple44 no unfortunately it's deff dd! It's a small class of about 10. And she said her full name even today

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POTC · 30/01/2025 23:08

yellowstones · 30/01/2025 22:58

I thought a 7 was good too! Dd feels like a 7 is terrible and has always put a lot of pressure on herself to achieve the highest grades. She told me the other day that I am the only parent amongst her friends that doesn't 'tell' her daughter which grade she needs to achieve. I'm also worried she's putting all her self worth in her grades (but that's a whole other story)

Please don't ignore your concerns on this one. A fellow student in my sons year put all their worth into their grades throughout high school. They took some gcses early too.
This continued into a levels and when they then didn't get the offer they wanted for university they attempted to take their own life. They survived, but barely. They weren't expected to recover and spent a long time in hospital.
Their parents weren't in the slightest bit pushy, lovely people and very supportive of their children, siblings not like this, it wasn't coming from them at all but equally they did nothing to stop their child from believing grades were all that mattered.
Get her some help now with understanding that grades aren't the most important thing in life, before it's too late.

HPandthelastwish · 30/01/2025 23:12

I have seen with my own eyes students behave in vastly different ways with different teachers. It absolutely does happen, often with the complaints "she hates me, what's the point" and even "I'm not going to bother with this, and she'll get in trouble".

Listen to what the teacher is saying - she has very high expectations for her behaviour and her attainment which it sounds like she's more than capable of. She's rocking up late, unprepared and flouting the school rules with arm jewellery (what is that?). She's not working as expected, probably because she's been called out on it previously so decided the teachers hot it in fir her.

Also, 7 feels middle of the road due to the stupid numbering system but it is still an A. Predicting a 9 is foolish as it's the top X% of the country.

TangerineClementine · 30/01/2025 23:12

Honestly OP, I wouldn't worry too much. Everyone has a worst subject and everyone has a teacher they don't get on with. If DD gets all 9s and a 7 in French that would still be amazing. I wouldn't be too hard on her. It all sounds like a lot of pressure. (Btw I've been through GCSEs twice now with my teens.)

Original poster
yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:15

@POTC that is so sad and scary to read 🥺

OP posts:
POTC · 30/01/2025 23:18

Also, as much as people don't like to believe it and always say it is just excuses, personality clashes between teacher and student that impact on teaching do happen.
New teacher at high school had been there just over 2 months when covid hit. Ds achieved a 7 in that subject from the previous term's mocks. Teacher had made several comments that once I found out led me to believe he just didn't like my son, but Ds didn't tell me until much later as he knew I'd want to do something about it and he doesn't like fuss! Teacher told him that as far as he was concerned Ds didn't deserve more than a 4. Sure enough, when it was switched from mock grades being used to teacher awarded grades his went from that 7 to 5.
Ds wanted to take that subject at alevel (and is now finishing a degree in it!) so I insisted he take the exam in the autumn term later that year as had been offered if they wanted, to prove that teacher was wrong. He easily achieved his 7 again, after 6 months out of school due to lock downs and no revision. He should never have been given such a low grade and it was obvious the man just didn't like him!

Original poster
yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:19

Should I call school tomorrow and speak to her head of year in private ? I'm just so unsettled by this whole thing, I'm very much pro-teachers usually but this just felt so personal.

OP posts:
POTC · 30/01/2025 23:21

yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:19

Should I call school tomorrow and speak to her head of year in private ? I'm just so unsettled by this whole thing, I'm very much pro-teachers usually but this just felt so personal.

I would, but don't approach it from the point of view of the teacher being the issue as that will get them on the defensive. Ask for support to help DD see that a 7 is a good grade and that it isn't only grades that matter.

TangerineClementine · 30/01/2025 23:21

It's up to you of course, but personally I wouldn't do that. If DD thinks you are taking this so seriously it will just pile more pressure on her. I wouldn't mention it to DD either.

Original poster
yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:21

@POTC wow, shocking. I believe this could be the case here as I've never had any other teacher ever describe dd this way. I've had reserved , timid and shy through all her school life and now arrogant and looking at a teacher wirh contempt!!!!

OP posts:
MumChp · 30/01/2025 23:22

yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:19

Should I call school tomorrow and speak to her head of year in private ? I'm just so unsettled by this whole thing, I'm very much pro-teachers usually but this just felt so personal.

Why?
To excuse your daughter isn't showing up on time, showing unprepared and doesn't follow the instructions about bracelets?

Original poster
yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:23

@TangerineClementine not mention what to dd? I've already told her about what the teacher said today after dinner at which point her dad gave her a telling off and she burst into tears. I regret saying anything at all tbh. I don't think we handled it very well at all.

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Original poster
yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:25

@MumChp no. to ask why a teacher feels it's ok to describe a 15 year old as arrogant and contemptuous.

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