Parents of gcse kids please read and advise

[yellowstones]

Not sure how I am feeling about this.

Dd got a grade 9 in Spanish when she sat her gcse in Spanish in year 9. She is now in year 11
And taking French.
Dd had parents evening last term and her French teacher was very blunt about how she needs to pull her socks up hard and graft for that 9. She said 'the train has left the platform and you are now running to keep up' , alongside mentioning that dd is sometimes a few minutes late for her classes and wears arm jewellery, she's not working hard enough and her previous 9 in Spanish is making her complacent. I was quite taken aback by this as every other teacher was very positive of dd and she is usually a grade 9 student in most of her subjects. Dd was very upset after this parents evening and cried on the way home in the car. I had a chat with dd the day after and she agreed to put more effort in and revise for French. She got a 7 in her recent mocks. This is possibly not the grade her teachers expect at this stage in the school year ?

Fast forward to today. I went for dd2s parents evening to see her Spanish teacher and happened to meet dd1s french teacher in the same room. She kept me talking for a good 10 minutes or more (in front of half a room full of waiting parents), she said she'd just marked dds paper. She's running out of patience with her as she comes unequipped to lessons sometimes her workbook isn't ready etc. she ended it by saying she's improved since last time but she thinks dd is arrogant and that dd looks af her with contempt !!! She also said getting a 9 in a subject is just proof that you are good at absorbing information and that's it. I was so thrown by not only her comments but her tone and overall body language that I must have visibly flinched and she said I'm sorry if that's come across as unkind - I said that was hard to hear to be honest but I'm open to understanding why you feel this way. I personally don't think she's arrogant or has contempt for anyone because I know her better than anyone.

What is going on. I've come home, dd was denying it all and saying her French teacher hates her . Dh has had a go at dd to sort herself out and she burst into tears . Yes she can be moody and prickly at times but I would never describe it as arrogance , I know how anxious she gets over her grades and exams. I know under that prickly exterior is a very sensitive girl.

She's predicted mainly 9s and I'm wondering if it's too much pressure. Her main subjects are triple science and maths and she's working very hard towards these. I just feel so confused by this whole thing and not sure what to do moving forward.

So you had a loud and unexpected 10 minute interaction with a teacher in front of a roomful of other parents where she was highly critical of your dd? I wouldn't like that.......

Most parents don’t believe their children's self worth is in their grades! Your DD has set herself a goal of getting into medical school and this is her focus not what a teacher who seems to have taken offence thinks of her.

Your daughter is in for an extremely hard couple of years preparing for medical school and this will fade in comparison to it.

I am curious is your DD in a state, grammar or private school?

Is the French teacher from France?

No we've not seen her being arrogant at home or with family or friends - that doesn't mean she gets to behave rudely in a lesson she's now deemed unnecasary for medical school. Having said that, I understand it's just one teacher that's ever made this comment , what I don't want is this to become an established trait in dd. I know she's very smart , we celebrate achievement for effort not results as I have three dc wirh different strengths, I don't want her to grow a big head as she gets older and smarter.

@Everybodywantstoruletheworld2025 no I know that most parents don't believe their child's worth is in their grades. I was referring to my earlier post about dd feeling her self worth is in her grades so what I meant was to reassure her that her worth isn't in her grades

@CurlewKate yes pretty much ! It did catch me off guard as I didn't even have an appointment with her . I was there for my other child. On a couple of occasions my dd2 said to get up and let's go as the teacher we were there to see kept freeing up and I even made to get up once but she steamrollered on talking and pinned me with her stare , I sat right back down 😂🫣

There are weeks left OP, I would tell DD to just get to the exams giving French teacher as little ammunition as possible in the meantime .

If French isn’t going to be an A level option tell her to chill, a 7 is still an A there are so few marks between 7s and 9s. Her future will not depend on her French GCSE mark.

And then ask H what his problem is and to chill out.

My DS2 is incredibly hot and cold on different subjects and this boils down to whether or not he likes the teacher. So when he does like/respect the teacher, the grades are good and feedback is great. Where he doesn't, its like a different child! He dropped from 9s in DT to 4/5 as teacher changed from Y10 to Y11. It's incredibly frustrating.
So I don't think a 7 is a bad result. But I do think DD needs to do the basics, turn up on time and be prepared. Even if she hates French and wants to drop, no problem, but turn up, be respectful in class and do the work. That's all I ask of my kids.
Funny enough, I have managed in both DY and other subject to turn my DS round a bit on hating the teacher. It wasn't overnight but basically me explaining that teacher wasn't picking on him but wanted him to get the grades he was capable of and then me explaining to teacher that they needed to approach DS2 a bit differently, seemed to do the trick. So maybe ask French teacher to ease off on jewellery and get DD to do her workbooks, it may turn around

Don’t ask the teacher to ease off on the jewellery. There shouldn’t be any suggestion that the school rules shouldn’t apply to your DD or that it’s part of some sort of negotiation about whether she actually does the work.

I'm not going to ask the school to ease off on jewellery - they are strict about uniform and dd has stopped wearing them now anyway. In year 11 the majority of the teachers have eased off on things like jewellery anyway but not French teacher it seems.

I think you need to get to the bottom of this. Just because your DD isn’t like this with you doesn’t mean she isn’t being a bit Kevin the teenager at school. I certainly wouldn’t be calling the teacher but I would be telling your daughter to adhere to the rules, take off her jewellery and come to class with everything she needs.

Honestly, give your DD some autonomy in her own management of this situation. You’ve relayed the information let her deal with the consequences if she chooses not to adhere to the rules. All this parental kerfuffle for a 16 year old sitting their GCSE’s and predicted to get 7 or above in French is laughable.

Your posts seem pompous and overly controlling.

This is why I asked if it was a state, grammar or private school as I have an idea of which it is. But I am willing to stand corrected however, you failed to answer the question.

Also, it might be a cultural difference if the French teacher is from France as they have different standards there.

Wow so much pressure from the school and parents for an A grade student. Just let her get in with it.

It may not be a nice experience for her to enter into a power / personality clash with a teacher but such is life! Learning to navigate situations with people is as important as knowing the subject matter & sometimes teenagers need to learn the hard way. Note/ the person with power normally wins no matter how many death stares are directed at them 🤣 The savvy response is not to add any fuel the flames

And if the hard way still results in an A grade result then it’s not exactly crisis point!)

@Everybodywantstoruletheworld2025 I think you sound unhinged to be calling my real concerns as a parent 'laughable' and describing me as 'pompous and controlling' when you don't even know me.

Also I didn't fail to answer your question - I chose not to.

I don't see how your last post was helpful in any way.

You have rebuffed my last post on point (as I expected).

My comments are my impression of you after reading all your posts. I don’t have to know you to make observations of how you present to me after reading all your posts.

You don’t need to answer the question. The answer is obvious.

@Andthebellsringout I agree, the death stares get you nowhere and I've told her that this morning in a nice calm chat. We've talked about the thing as a whole and I'm hoping the French situation will settlle now till the end of her exams.

@Everybodywantstoruletheworld2025 this is not about me , it's about my dd so I won't engage with your posts any further. Thank you.

Agree with other previous posters that I would leave all of this alone. She sounds on track for medicine (believe me I know what I’m talking about here) but the odd slightly lower grade and a personality clash with a teacher doesn’t warrant this level of concern. Let her navigate it and take your pressure and expectations off her- she seems like she is putting enough pressure on herself for both of you. This all sounds very intense.

My advice would be to let her get on with it, be a sounding board and snack provider for revision and she will be fine.

A 6/7/8/9 in French will make very little difference to anything in the long run.

Perfectionists rarely thrive in medicine in my experience. Handling a bit of uncertainty/difficult people/letting things go here and there are really important

I look forward to teaching her at medical school if she come to the one I teach at!

thanks for this! ❤️ I am going to leave it alone now, she's actually doing really well and I think in hindsight we did overreact to the French teachers comments as I wasn't expecting to speak to her about dd1 last night.

To late now but, does your dd school allow children to attend parents evening with the parents? I found it so valuable for my DC to hear for themselves how they could improve, and the teachers cannot be so blunt.

@Mindedmy yes children attend with us. Last night wasn't dd1s parents evening though, I was there for dd2 and the French teacher caught me whilst I was waiting to see dd2s language teacher.

Also when it was dd1s actual parent evening she was very blunt then and that's when dd went home crying . I told the French teacher this before she made the arrogant and contempt comments. She clearly doesn't care about the impact of her words on my child and in hindsight I really regret telling dd what she said last night. It was just so unnecessary so close to her exams.

If you hadn’t told her DD2 probably would have!
It would never be nice to hear negative comments about DC, brings out a mum’s protective instinct. Also a shock when a hitherto unblemished academic record has a blip both for her and you ( with a bit of perspective as an A is a great achievement in itself) Like you say best thing to do now is let it blow over and tell her everyone has a bad day at the office now and again.