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Original poster

Parents of gcse kids please read and advise

71 replies

yellowstones · 30/01/2025 22:49

Not sure how I am feeling about this.

Dd got a grade 9 in Spanish when she sat her gcse in Spanish in year 9. She is now in year 11
And taking French.
Dd had parents evening last term and her French teacher was very blunt about how she needs to pull her socks up hard and graft for that 9. She said 'the train has left the platform and you are now running to keep up' , alongside mentioning that dd is sometimes a few minutes late for her classes and wears arm jewellery, she's not working hard enough and her previous 9 in Spanish is making her complacent. I was quite taken aback by this as every other teacher was very positive of dd and she is usually a grade 9 student in most of her subjects. Dd was very upset after this parents evening and cried on the way home in the car. I had a chat with dd the day after and she agreed to put more effort in and revise for French. She got a 7 in her recent mocks. This is possibly not the grade her teachers expect at this stage in the school year ?

Fast forward to today. I went for dd2s parents evening to see her Spanish teacher and happened to meet dd1s french teacher in the same room. She kept me talking for a good 10 minutes or more (in front of half a room full of waiting parents), she said she'd just marked dds paper. She's running out of patience with her as she comes unequipped to lessons sometimes her workbook isn't ready etc. she ended it by saying she's improved since last time but she thinks dd is arrogant and that dd looks af her with contempt !!! She also said getting a 9 in a subject is just proof that you are good at absorbing information and that's it. I was so thrown by not only her comments but her tone and overall body language that I must have visibly flinched and she said I'm sorry if that's come across as unkind - I said that was hard to hear to be honest but I'm open to understanding why you feel this way. I personally don't think she's arrogant or has contempt for anyone because I know her better than anyone.

What is going on. I've come home, dd was denying it all and saying her French teacher hates her . Dh has had a go at dd to sort herself out and she burst into tears . Yes she can be moody and prickly at times but I would never describe it as arrogance , I know how anxious she gets over her grades and exams. I know under that prickly exterior is a very sensitive girl.

She's predicted mainly 9s and I'm wondering if it's too much pressure. Her main subjects are triple science and maths and she's working very hard towards these. I just feel so confused by this whole thing and not sure what to do moving forward.

OP posts:

Schoolchoicesucks · 30/01/2025 23:25

Tracking to get a 7 when her other subjects are 9's is not an issue.

Being unprepared for lessons and ignoring uniform rules is the only thing I'd be asking DD about. Does she wear the jewellery in other lessons but the teachers don't mind? Why is she not doing/preparing for French? Perhaps she has got stuck in a cycle of "the teacher doesn't like me, I'm not going to bother, teacher gets more frustrated, DD gets more obstinately entrenched..."

She's only got a term left of French with this teacher before study leave etc. She needs to suck it up, follow the uniform rules and complete the work. Ease off the "you must get a 9 because you did in Spanish and are likely to in sciences etc". As PP has said, there is more to life than a string of 9's. Make sure she is continuing with extra curricular and friendships and sport. And that she knows you don't value her for her results, but for her being "her" because she's kind, funny, caring, diligent etc etc....

Original poster

yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:29

Yes ive had the conversation about jewellery and lateness which shes improved on now
(It's against the school rules but other teachers don't mind as much as the French teacher apparently).

I've never told her or indicated she must get a nine for French. I've always rewarded the girls on amount of effort I have seen from them during exam period and well before results come out to
Show I value effort over result.

OP posts:

MumChp · 30/01/2025 23:29

yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:25

@MumChp no. to ask why a teacher feels it's ok to describe a 15 year old as arrogant and contemptuous.

You might start to explain your daughter that she needs to behave instead. Sorry.

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Undrugged · 30/01/2025 23:29

I don’t think it’ll do anyone any favours if you contact the school. DD needs to learn that you do what you’re supposed to do in lessons and the grade you get largely reflects the effort you put in. Either she really wants that grade 9 and will work for it, or she won’t. up to your child. Maybe she doesn’t care that much. Unless she wants medicine or law then it’s not going to count for much in future :/

Original poster

yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:30

I agree she needs to suck it up, follow the rules and put her dislike for the teacher aside now. It's far too late in the school year to be feeling this way

OP posts:

Porcuporpoise · 30/01/2025 23:30

yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:25

@MumChp no. to ask why a teacher feels it's ok to describe a 15 year old as arrogant and contemptuous.

Well its perfectly OK to describe a teenager as being arrogant and contemptuous if they are, in fact, being arrogant and contemptuous.

Original poster

yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:31

@Undrugged she wants to do medicine !

OP posts:

Original poster

yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:32

@MumChp okay
Maybe you're right and this
Is why I needed some
Perspective

OP posts:

MumChp · 30/01/2025 23:32

yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:31

@Undrugged she wants to do medicine !

If so she needs to up her game.

noblegiraffe · 30/01/2025 23:36

It is arrogant and contemptuous to come to a lesson knowing the first thing you are doing is setting up a confrontation with the teacher who is forced to tell you to sort your uniform, ask where your book is and why you are late.

If a kid says 'the teacher is picking on me' is is generally because the kid is doing something wrong and the teacher is picking up on it and the kid doesn't like it.

What if she came to the lesson on time, fully prepared and without her jewellery? Has she tried that, to solve the problem?

Undrugged · 30/01/2025 23:37

ok, then, she needs a few realistic chats with university medical student recruiters.

but, but .. it’s more important she aces sciences, maths and to a lesser extent English. Kids can be VERY strategic at a young age now.

Lack of application, lateness, and insubordination will definitely count against being a medic - much more than grades.

i think I’d make it much less about grades when talking to her, and more along the lines of,”so, what do you think that med school recruiters will be looking for?? How can you show you have the qualities they need?”

Original poster

yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:41

@noblegiraffe you're right 😞ً I think we've solved the bracelet issue now but it appears she's not bringing a completed workbook. I'm so shocked by this because it's so unlike her to be unprepared for her lesson. Any lesson. I've never had to deal with this type of problem as she's my first dc and she's always just been on it. It feels very odd to me and dh for a teacher to be this annoyed at her

OP posts:

Drivingoverlemons · 30/01/2025 23:43

A better teacher would find a more professional way to describe her behaviour. It is also unprofessional to talk to you in front of other people about your daughter’s piece of work. But I think it sounds like your DD is not a fan of French - she is clearly capable of excelling in languages but doesn’t want to. Did she feel pressure in any way to do the subject?

Crispynoodle · 30/01/2025 23:44

For what it's worth my DD was taking German for GCSE, her only language. She hated the teacher who did have a reputation for being shall we say strict (her older sister also found this teacher difficult). We addressed the problem with the school and insisted she drop the German. It was difficult as this was her only language. But drop it she did! (She also turned double award science into triple award biology but that's another story!) My DD is now a senior professional with a great career and never needed the German. Look at the grand scheme of things!

Original poster

yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:44

@Undrugged she's pretty much said along the lines of ' but I need to ace my sciences, maths and English to get into medical school ' and french doesn't seem as important anymore as a result of that but she's not spelling it out to me as such because she knows I'll be disappointed!

Insubordination - now that's a great convo that I need to have with her 🥲

OP posts:

MumChp · 30/01/2025 23:45

yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:32

@MumChp okay
Maybe you're right and this
Is why I needed some
Perspective

If she wants to study medicine (our ds does) she needs to up her game and do her best.
GCSEs aren't super important. A levels fsr more important but learning to present herself and do an effort is super important!

Original poster

yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:47

I think school put a lot of pressure on her to take French after her 9 in Spanish , and possibly I expected her to as well as it seemed she had a natural aptitude for languages and really loved learning Spanish. Unfortunately this has not been the case for French.

OP posts:

Original poster

yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:48

@Crispynoodle amazing and well done to your dd! Love to hear how everything is ok in the end ❤️

OP posts:

Thecomfortador · 30/01/2025 23:49

I'd look upon this as a conversation about rubbing along with people even if you don't like them. As a medic (or any other job): she'll come up against plenty of staff who she doesn't get on with and will have to find a way through without falling out or getting herself into trouble. Other than that it sounds like she's doing really well so I wouldn't make too much of a thing of the French itself, especially if she's always just got in with things before.A few months from now she'll be finished school forever and it'll be but a blip.

Branster · 30/01/2025 23:54

yellowstones · 30/01/2025 23:25

@MumChp no. to ask why a teacher feels it's ok to describe a 15 year old as arrogant and contemptuous.

Because that's how she comes across at her French lessons!!!

I would suggest you back away from all this.
Tell your DD she knows exactly what is expected of her in terms of behaviour and one gcse grade is not everything in this world. Also, it's entirely up to her how much studying she wants to put into this test. At her age she is clearly very capable but you also need to consider that French and Spanish are quite different. Being very good at Spanish certainly doesn't mean one can be very good at French also. Maybe get her a tutor for some direction.
At the end of the day, does getting a 7 at French is really that terrible? If she wants higher than 7 then she absolutely needs to buckle down and study harder. But only for herself not to prove anything to you or to the teacher.

Original poster

yellowstones · 31/01/2025 00:23

@Thecomfortador @Branster good advice thank you. I do want to however correct the contempt/arrogance and take it seriously if this is the case as I definitely don't want her to develop these traits. I won't contact school but will have a combined talk with dd about being respectful even if you dislike someone/personality clashes, good traits of a medic, and to just buckle down and work hard as it's the last stretch . But overall we love her unconditionally and her self worth isn't in her grades . Phew !

And to think I was on here 15 years ago moaning about the night feeds. Take me back there in a heartbeat 🥲

OP posts:

Birdbox181 · 31/01/2025 08:01

Good grief, I must be living on a different planet! The pressure on your DD must be immense. I wouldn't even repeat what the teacher had said to her. It's a non issue. You don't need 2 grade 9s in languages to study medicine.

Leave her be.

Birdbox181 · 31/01/2025 08:05

yellowstones · 31/01/2025 00:23

And to think I was on here 15 years ago moaning about the night feeds. Take me back there in a heartbeat 🥲

Oh come on!! One teacher has made a comment about her being arrogant, one!! Have you seen this trait at home? Is it causing issues with friends and family. If the answer is no then just let it go! The teacher does not know your daughter. She doesn't need to behave perfectly in every lesson, all of the time. She's human and a teenager! I can't imagine that kind of pressure.

IAmNeverThePerson · 31/01/2025 08:10

Yeesh to help with perspective DS2 got a 3 in his mocks for french (8s in everything else). It was a better 3 than last time so we are celebrating. Fuck all wrong with a 7 especially if isn’t not what she intends to end up studying.

mumonthehill · 31/01/2025 08:13

We had this with ds, his English teacher made him cry at parents evening because he was dropping from an A* to an A. The pressure that put on him was immense, he also felt unsupported by the teacher. When his little brother took his GCSEs he told him to remember you only need to get what you need to get on to the next level you want so do not kill yourself too get all A's. A 7 is perfectly fine, brilliant. As long as she is respectful in class take the pressure off her, if she is not taking it for A level then there is no reason to make her do more than a 7.

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