Guy blocked me on video chat

[Unhappyunicorn]

I met a guy on a dating app, we chatted and he seemed lovely, he knew what I looked like from my profile pictures, he wanted to video call and I was a bit unsure as I think I look horrible on live video, anyways I bit the bullet and tried to look smart and nice for the vid call. He vid called me and I answered, I was nervous and he looked a bit startled when seeing me, but then asked if I was okay etc, I think he had someone near him as heard whispering, I think they said “what the fuck is that”, then someone blurted out “she looks like a monster,” A burst of laughter then the vid call ended.

I was gutted and felt very humiliated, to hear someone saying that, I then got upset as I tried to message him and was blocked, so I must of looked horrid to him, this isn’t the first time I’ve had this happen, been called ugly looking and odd looking before, I’m not doing online dating any more my self esteem is in the gutter now. Been told in person by a couple of men that I look pretty in the past, even though I didn’t get a second date out of them encounters, but now I’m starting to think I am not pretty at all, and some people are just being nice instead of telling me the actual truth, I’ve had no luck with men, am usually treated like shit to be honest, I’ve lost weight too, but obviously my face is subpar no matter what I do.

@Lovelynames123 Its a Rubbish feeling, life is hard enough without crap like this to add to the mix, what happened to real men, I mean men that would treat a women with respect, regardless of how attractive they are to them, some men treat women like utter 💩if they are not attracted to them, but still think it’s okay to tear them down on OLD and talk to them as if they are prostitutes, they wouldn’t dream of doing that to her face in real life, they would be arrested for being so abhorrent, yes I feel since hitting my 40s I’m just a sex object regardless of how I look to some men whether they are attracted to me or not, if I don’t feel the same way towards them I’m a rotter and a minger, I get mostly young men thinking I’m a cougar, when I’m not wanting there attention just because they have seen one to many pornos with older women and yeah nothing wrong with that if you like it, but these men think most older women will drop the knickers for anyone, I really do think most of the perverse types on OLD are porn/sex addicts and have absolutely no respect for women, I had one guy a while ago saying he loves older women and actually thinks his own mother is hot, I was like okay that’s weird, he then went on to say he would love to f**k someone that looked like his mother I blocked him I’m so sick of this crap I just want to find a normal man I attract weirdos from OLD the stories I could tell is unbelievable lol.

I think you need to come off which ever dating app you are on especially if its tinder/badoo/Pof and maybe try something a bit more curated, I've not been OLD for years and have no plans to but that's the advice I would give to friends is to find one where the people on there are serious

He had his friend there ready to mock you regardless of what you looked like. That's on him, 100%. And if you're second guessing yourself the company he keeps also tells you what an idiot he is.

Lucky escape before you wasted more time. It's only a shame he's still out there ready to do this to the next person.

Op I think he is probably some kind of online troll who does this for fun to multiple people. You are the better person in this situation. What kind of person behaves like that. I hope your ok spend some time time on self care if you love yourself good things happen!

He is horrible and you've had a lucky escape.

No one serious about dating calls someone with their mates or other people in the background.

Don't let this idiot put you off. Stick to in person dates in future and vet your dates carefully.

That's awful, OP. I'm so sorry.

But if your looks had been up to this horrible man's exacting standards you might have dated him, and I can guarantee you'd have ended up far more hurt.

Looks aren’t everything and he is very shallow and not worth your time. I myself have dated many attractive men in the past and a lot of them were either looking at other women or admiring themselves in the mirror. I ended up marrying a man who is not that attractive but his personality and kindness makes up for his lack of attractiveness and we have been together many years and have two grownup children

@MissScarletInTheBallroom He seemed fine with my profile pics, great at chatting with me I felt a connection, said I looked lovely, I’m sensing he was a narcissist or someone that likes to hurt women, he must be one miserable man to do this or probably been hurt by someone and taking it out on women, I don’t know what his type is whatever that may be its cruel and uncalled for, the man is nearing 40, it’s like what a immature teenager would do not that it makes it right for anyone to do this, I’m okay now was just in shock.

I don’t know why you’d be telling random men online that you’re vulnerable- you’re opening yourself to be targeted by abusers.

Also, you sound obsessed with your own face and not being ‘pretty’- but you’re in your 40s, same as me, so not trying to be unkind- but doesn’t it become less about being ‘pretty’ and more about personality as we get older? You said he was good looking- so I guess you’re actively going for looks too?

Online dating is the worst place for someone with seemingly low self esteem but I think you know that. I think therapy is what you need or just to get out there, find a new hobby, meet new people, get to know them for who they are not as potential dates. And maybe stop focusing on your looks and don’t tell people how vulnerable you are.

I can't believe I'm admitting this (takes deep breath)
Many moons ago,I'd just come out of a nasty relationship
I was very vulnerable but my friends thought it would be a good idea to drag me to the pub
I was the youngest by about 15 years out of the group of ladies
I got chatting to a bloke (who I liked) and ended up snogging him
All his mates cheered as he sneared at me
Turns out I was the dare in a game called 'pull a pig'
The aim was to snog the ugliest woman in the pub
That destroyed me-the other ladies went for him at the time,and the landlord threw him out but I didn't leave the house for 6 months afterwards
I'm now with a man who thinks I'm a goddess but in the back of my mind I'm still the 'pull a pig'

Op it's not you-its him
He is a nothing,a nobody and a twat who can only get his kicks from pulling a strong,beautiful and amazing woman down
He's fuck all and he knows it

Hi OP,

I am really sorry this happened to you.

I have been online dating on and off for about 15 years...still single, with long periods away from it. I've only ever met a couple of genuinely decent men on there (both met partners quickly through OLD). I've met lots of other men on online dating who I can only describe as the dregs of humanity.

I strongly suspect following my experiences that the vast majority of men on online dating sites are men who have something wrong with them. Here are some of the men I've met via OLD:

Abusers/violent men

Men who are basically homeless or about to be, and looking for somewhere to live

A paedophile (once)

Porn addicts

People with disturbing fetishes who have been expelled from fetish communities because of their bad behaviour

Many men on there are looking for a free sex worker. I've had men treat me like I'm a free cam girl or sex worker in the things they've said to me early on.

I really mean it when I say dregs of humanity are on these sites, and I think it's because people in real life know who they are and they can't get dates, so they end up on websites instead.

I also think porn has warped the brains of some of these men and they don't seem to be connected to reality when it comes to what normal women look like and behave like.

Obviously not everyone on there is like this, but I have come to the conclusion that many are.

I also want to say that it's a blessing that this individual "rejected" you (I agree with you it was probably a set up just to bully you.) If you had fit his mould of what women should look like (i.e. a porn star) you would have been in for a horrible time with him.

🙌 yes! It's not you. You need to think 'if someone was hideous would his behaviour be reasonable'. And if the answer is still no then you know it is literally nothing to do with you or the way you. He's out for kicks. Hurting normal women. Making them feel shit. I mean who has friends in the room with them throwing out insults.
The only thing to feel bad about is that there are such lowlife in the world.

It's equally likely he gets a kick out of humiliating women whom he does deem to be attractive. There are some very disturbed men out there.

Wow what a truly vile man, him and his mate. So glad you never met him in real life.
It’s not all about looks in real life, I’m average and so’s my partner but we love each other.
Shared interests are the best base for a proper relationship. You’re probably average looking and will click with an average looking bloke. If you meet through a shared interest there’ll probably be less awkwardness.
What do you like to do OP? Walking? quizzes? animals? Any clubs or volunteering you could join? Take the pressure off by not looking for a date but a like minded person whose company you enjoy. Far better than some childish twat on OLD.
I met my dh through motorcycling. We have lots in common.

Op, you also need to bear in mind you won’t be the only woman this group have done this too, maybe not even the only woman that night. They obvs set you up , so I’d assume a group of incels. And they are abusing other women.

and he likely looked started when you answered as he thought you’d not answer.

genuinely this isn’t about you or your appearance, there are some sick people out there, and you just happened to come across a few of them.

OP , I’m so sorry to hear this story ..
On line is a mine field & that’s the truth of it …
I hope you realise , he is a nasty piece of work…Easy for me to say , try not to be upset , you’re going to be upset , you had a horrible experience….
However , you will come from it & there is a nice man out there for you , don’t give up on that , but like another PP said , join something..
On line can be very fickle , building up relationships that are not really that real so to speak …
Meet them in person then, & can be a completely different story ..
I realise ,on line works for some people & doesn’t for others ….
When you recover from this horrible experience, see what’s out there that you may enjoy & connect with real people..
Good luck x

I literally can't believe people would do that to someone how utterly awful

It’s disgusting that some lowlife males treat women this way, & need to be exposed to other women that may cross their way on line. I have never been on a dating site & never will, From your posts you sound like an intelligent interesting person with good morals with nothing ugly about your personality for sure.You are still a young woman , so don’t give up hope of meeting a real gentleman off line, who will love & respect the real you.
Best wishes for better days for you.💐

@Unhappyunicorn This is 100% a set up. A normal person would have chatted for a few minutes, politely said goodbye, and then sent a civil message saying they didn’t feel a connection etc. Any women will do as a target for men like this - you could have appeared on video chat looking like Marilyn Monroe and this guy would still have said the same thing. It’s not about you, it’s about him. He’s the online equivalent of men who shout sexist insults at women out of vans.

Imagine being THIRTY SIX YEARS OLD and thinking it’s amusing to gang up with a mate to bully and humiliate a stranger. What a tragic little man.

@Poppymeldrum
YOU ARE NOT AND NEVER WERE A PIG AND AS FOR THAT PRICK I HAVE EVERY FAITH THAT HIS HORRIBLE BEHAVIOUR WILL HAVE BEEN METED BACK TO HIM 10 FOLD VIA KARMA!

They were called “grunt hunts” back in the 90s.. Some men have always behaved like this, it says nothing about the woman and everything about the men engaging in this.

i firmly believe this was a set up too. It’s not about the op or what she looks like, she’s mistaken thinking this, they were just finding women to humiliate. She could be the most beautiful woman in the world and they’d still do it. Because her appearance isn’t the point, the humiliation is.

Thankyou everyone for your posts, I was upset but obviously I’m too trusting, I’ve always had my guard up with men after being hurt in the past, this idiot was good at manipulating me without me realising what an absolute horrible human that he is, I wouldn’t put it past him if he already has a girlfriend and finds it funny to degrade other women, but still must be miserable to do so
this is the pics I put on dating app and considered a monster to him, I know I ain’t pretty but I don’t consider myself hideous, considering I’m 48, I guess you got to look like a model these days to be on a dating app

I know I ain’t pretty but I don’t consider myself hideous, considering I’m 48,

@Unhappyunicorn

Firstly, stop with this bollocks. You are pretty, you look very well for 48 and no you're not hideous!

You are very pretty,

can I ask, why are you getting involved with 36 year olds at 48?I’ve no issue with age gap relationships. It’s fine if you fancy blokes mid 30s or mid 20s or mid 6os, But honestly there is more risk in this sort of scenario with someone on line.

you are attractive, this was simply someone setting you up. Likely older woman on line, wanting to humiliate you.

Honestly, you are very pretty! Look at your big beautiful eyes!

The only thing you need to do is work on your confidence. Don't let this pathetic, misogynistic man child knock you down.