Guy blocked me on video chat

[Unhappyunicorn]

I met a guy on a dating app, we chatted and he seemed lovely, he knew what I looked like from my profile pictures, he wanted to video call and I was a bit unsure as I think I look horrible on live video, anyways I bit the bullet and tried to look smart and nice for the vid call. He vid called me and I answered, I was nervous and he looked a bit startled when seeing me, but then asked if I was okay etc, I think he had someone near him as heard whispering, I think they said “what the fuck is that”, then someone blurted out “she looks like a monster,” A burst of laughter then the vid call ended.

I was gutted and felt very humiliated, to hear someone saying that, I then got upset as I tried to message him and was blocked, so I must of looked horrid to him, this isn’t the first time I’ve had this happen, been called ugly looking and odd looking before, I’m not doing online dating any more my self esteem is in the gutter now. Been told in person by a couple of men that I look pretty in the past, even though I didn’t get a second date out of them encounters, but now I’m starting to think I am not pretty at all, and some people are just being nice instead of telling me the actual truth, I’ve had no luck with men, am usually treated like shit to be honest, I’ve lost weight too, but obviously my face is subpar no matter what I do.

@Unhappyunicorn That's not normal behaviour is it? I agree. It's the behaviour of very sick minds.

It's really humiliating for you to have gone through it, but please understand the ugly ones in this were the men who carried out the dirty trick. Look at the support you are getting here! You know this place doesn't hold back on telling it like it is! We are on team Unhappyunicorn.

I hope their tiny pencil dicks drop off . Take care of yourself, respect yourself, don't put yourself down. You did nothing wrong here.

I'm so so sorry you had to deal with this. Had one charming individual inform me that I was the ugliest person he'd ever seen in his life. Ironically he was in the top 5 most hideous people I'd ever seen in mine. Not that I'd be cruel enough to say that if he didn't say anything or stupid enough to say it if he did! The funny thing is I know it's bullshit but even if it wasn't, perhaps, especially if it wasn't, it's a truly shitty thing to say to someone. Plus someone like that is rancid on the inside.

What's that Roald Dahl quote, "If someone has lovely thoughts it will shine out of their face like sunbeams and they will never be ugly." Something like that anyway haha.

Ah love, some people are just Uber-Cunts and he's one of them. Some people meet their 'one' early doors, others later in life. There IS a man somewhere who will love & treasure you just like you deserve but I'll also put money on this - it won't be online. Online dating is all about looks and let's be honest - pictures can be manipulated to look however you want these days and so many men-children are conditioned to believe that only a certain 'look' is attractive. That's not the case and we all know it really.

Get out, go somewhere that interests you, meet people organically and stay away from the awful world of online dating.

@namechangeGOT Yes, I’ve had no success on OLD, I feel more unattractive and my self esteem is zero after being on there, I have got matches no problem, but I’ve been ghosted so many times especially f I don’t do sex chat with them, which I don’t do, so they block me, then with this happening it’s put me off for good, it’s an absolute cesspit to be honest, I’ve been told I’m pretty off some men but they don’t seem fully interested then I get this horrid treatment off some men that I’m subhuman because I don’t look like your typical woman these days with fillers and eyelash extensions, I keep my pics natural with some pics with no makeup and I guess I should look like a glamour model full of makeup, I’m not having a go at women that do look like this but I guess a lot of men on OLD do expect a certain look and some men want a porn star the way they actually go on, I don’t think I look hideous but some men make it known to me I am not attractive looking to them.

If men are matching with you, and this bellend had seen your photos before hand I am quite certain you are not as “ugly” as you think you are.

He is a cunt, and he has no right to make you feel this way. It’s probably some sick game to him and I doubt you’re the first, or last, woman he’s done it to.

Online dating is a minefield, men have that “candy store” mentality and most of them are just looking for a shag. When it’s clear you’re not looking for that, they ghost. It’s them, not you, I promise x

He sounds like a festering arsehole and I bet he's nowhere near the catch he thinks he is. At least you found out what a cock he is before you got too involved!

Most likely he’s a dickhead, but there’s always a chance he does like you and he just had a dickhead friend round (who does that?) and then felt embarrassed by them

@LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaa love the name Lalalaa that’s what I should of said to him lol
Yeah most guys on there are after a no strings thing, I’m not into ONS, had bad experiences with that aswell, I really felt a connection with this man until he pulled the plug on me, he’s absolutely cold, cruel and evil, how can he live with himself unless he’s some sort of nasty narcissist or sicko, he’s prob the type that laughs at disadvantaged looking people, he was actually good looking but his soul is vile, if this is his hobby he needs therapy, he’s probably been hurt/rejected by the women he actually does like, so thinks it’s hilarious to hurt women he deems unattractive and thinks it’s okay to do so, I should of reported him but he blocked me on the dating app. Yes I do get matches but been unmatched too as soon as I sent a message, I think most the men on there swipe right at all the women on there, then pick who they deem attractive if you swipe back. It’s BRUTAL 😭

I'm so sorry. Honestly anyone who does this and has friends like that at any age but certainly at 36 is one massive red flag and you are so much better off.
I know it's hard but please don't let this put you off - a good person would never do that.

The fact he had a mate with him suggests to me that this is something they do for “laughs” and isn’t about you or how you look at all. What a pair of pathetic arseholes.

You've just nailed it and it's nothing to do with looks! It's sex. You're not willing to do the sex chat, not willing to send pictures of your tits or bits and that's what soooo many of these men online want and so they'll dash your self esteem as 'revenge'. It's nothing to do with looks!

If you were 'hideous' (and what even is hideous anyway?!) then you'd know it yourself! You're obviously not and so why should you lower yourself to give them attention?!

A PP said before it would be amazing if we could have a look at this person purely for highlighting to avoid but I'm not sure if that's illegal or improper. He deserves highlighting!

Yes that's what I thought. Horrible bullying idiots. Probably had a few drinks and thought lets see how many women we can make feel like shit. Please don't take it to heart op. And the ones that block u as you won't do rude messaging are doing you a favour- they're making it clear that's all they want! OLD is BRUTAL and if you are sensitive in any way, shape or form it's probably to be avoided x

Just a chancer. And his mate off camera to stroke his ego. Nothing lost there. Move on and don't give him a second thought

He may have thought you were just fine (he'd seen pictures) but was weak in the presence of his little mates and followed the herd. There are plentywho would say the same about Kiera Knightley in that situation, because negging.

OP, I know OLD is brutal but ultimately there are people out there who aren't as shallow as a puddle/borderline incel/weak. The way someone looks becomes immaterial when you get to know them anyway, that is my firm belief and don't give up, although again, I'm sure this is nothing to do with your actual appearance, but his failings.

I'm so sorry you've been hurt though

@namechangeGOT Yep!, it’s mostly about sex, I know that most men desperate on OLD would sleep with anything if they had a chance, it’s just disgusting unless you like to have sex with randoms but it’s not for me, I’ve had a few men saying I looked nice, I respond to that and say thankyou they go off on a tangent and then say what you wearing, what size are your t*ts, are you shaven, when I don’t react to their advances I’m called an ugly bitch, what the absolute hell is wrong with some of these men, they treat women horrendously on there like they are a piece of meat that would want to sleep with any old Tom, Dick or Harry, I think they are porn obsessed and they live in an illusion, they probably couldn’t get it up for a real woman, sorry I’m ranting now lol, just vile so I’ve thrown the towel in on OLD I’m getting too old for this crap and I’m persecuting myself thinking I’m unloveable and ugly.

Sounds like a set up and the gang were always going to do this - even if you looked like the 'hottest' girl ever.
I am older and was once asked for a today pic after a nice chat - he didn't answer oh not for me he said I definitely looked older than my age and he could see lots of wrinkles etc - I felt really stupid at the time - didn't tell anyone (and wasn't on mumsnet!) but thinking back I reckon he really just wanted to be horrible to whoever/anyone - as he obviously couldn't get anyone imo.
This guy and friends are absolute arseholes who get kicks this way - in their saddo lives. It couldn't be more a them thing. At least you know he (and friends) have small dicks, no girlfriends, piss poor personality and spend most of their time being miserable.

Can I just say OP - in my dating days I matched with a guy. We had a mutual friend and everything.

When he matched with me he sent me a message that said "I'm some of your pics you look fit and in others you look massive". Out of nowhere. I didn't even message him. I was floored 😭. I then went on a goose chase to find him in our mutual friend's Facebook friend list and I did find him and found out he was a doctor. I could even see where he worked and was SO tempted to ring them to inform someone what an utter twat this individual was.

But I didn't - I just blocked him. That was 10 years ago and it still makes me sad - strangers shouldn't have that power.

FYI - I met my husband on OLD some months later and here we are married, happy with a kid. They're not all assholes but f*ck the ones who are 😡

@landobroken i wish I could put a pic of him up on a public site to say beware of this horrid b**tard but id prob end up in a lawsuit of some sort

@Wavescrashingonthebeach Yes, they are immature and pathetic if this is their idea of entertainment to pull down a woman’s confidence, just sickos, I was really really down before but glad I posted on here to get others perspective on this, I just felt fur two days that I was the most hideous looking creature on the planet, I do have issues with self esteem and my confidence I told him this and I guess he used it against me.

Never ever tell a man you have issues with your self esteem, especially not a man you haven't even met in person.
You may attract potential toxic men who will manipulate you or be psychologically abusive, or on the flip side may put off a potential winner as he might think you're hard work and will need constant reassurance. I think you need to work on your confidence and self esteem before you try and return to dating.

@Wavescrashingonthebeach I did tell him a lot about myself and that’s why I was so angry in myself for letting my guard down with him, he made me feel I could chat to him about anything, that’s why this hit me like a ton of bricks in what happened, he reassured me not to be nervous about the video chat and I then felt at ease to do this, as I don’t normally do vid chat, it’s put me off for life honestly it’s cruel and disgusting stringing me along to be used as a laugh at my expense.

That was your first red flag, he ran right over your boundaries instead of respecting the fact you didn't feel comfortable video calling. I look awful on video calling, I don't look anything like that in real life, so you're not alone there.

OD is awful, I'm in my 40s too, it's soul destroying actually. I don't have an answer as to how to meet men, I'm hoping that ot just happens organically at some point!

It's obviously a set-up and nothing to do with you as a person. It's all about them as people, and they are ugly, not you.

Don't tell them alot about yourself. Not someone you've never met. Not even two or 3 dates in. Keep it very very brief online- little chat, then phone call, then coffee date, then if there is an attraction after coffee date only then go for a proper date. There was a really good thread the other day with some excellent advice for OLD i will try and find it x