Manspreading

[Dreamie]

Been to London for the day. On the tube encountered a classic manspreader, knees out into my space. I pushed his knees back with my leg and took up my space. He flinched but then made a point of pressing back.

I am 54 years old and no longer give a toss about what men think of me. I don't particularly like contact but I was making a point.

On the train on the way home a large man plonked himself next to me. He said 'oh sorry ' when he realised he had hit me in his way down. But he then proceeded to try to take up some of my space to make himself comfortable. I sympathise that he's larger and can't help it but that's not my problem. No longer will I squash myself in to a corner just to make someone else more comfortable.

He started off trying to stay in his space but after a while he pressed against me, and was flexing his leg muscles in a twitchy way. I am certain he felt aggrieved that an older woman wasn't making him as comfortable as possible.

The next man to sit next to me managed to stay in his space, the man opposite me on the tube didn't encroach into the space of the woman next to him. My husband doesn't do it.

I always push back now but I understand why many wouldn't. But I'm old and I've had enough. A lifetime of making myself small for the comfort of others has ended.

So, manspreaders, fuck the lot of em.

And yes, I also tell womanspreaders to move their bags if I need a seat.

Jesus

I very much doubt he was a manspreader to be honest

My favourite move is to wait for the man to plonk themselves down and they put down the single arm rest in the centre of the double train seat. Then you swiftly get your arm on it before they can.

@Dreamie well done for standing up for yourself 🥰

Yep. Train man tried to shove my arm off the armrest.

Not today mister

Everyone is squashed on the tube as people are generally fatter. You just get on with it with minimal fuss.

They were always very frustrating in my commuting days. Always with a huge broadsheet newspaper open wide enough to take up three spaces, arms and legs spread as wide as possible.

I haven't commuted by train or bus for many years now and no longer live in London as I used to, but my eldest DD does and she assures me that manspreaders remain alive and well as a species, and just as irritating. 😠

No, this guy was deliberately spreading himself at the expense of MY comfort.

I'm not having it

Sounds like you're looking for a problem tbh. Tube and train seats are a bit squashed, statistically these people are likely to have been larger than you, you comment that one was significantly so.. and it sounds like they were just uncomfortable.

You need a hobby that isn't getting rage at strangers doing innocuous things.

I wonder if he was a manspreader? Did they have them back in his day? 😃

Ha! It's been a year or so since I was regularly on the tube but wow, you've reminded me. I don't mind sharing a little of my space to help someone bigger that would be uncomfortable. Often those that actually need it are trying to make themselves smaller and I feel kind about sharing. But the quiet rage at having a man press his legs up into my space and press against my legs when I don't shrink myself to a whisp... I did sometimes press back but it absolutely grossed me out touching them and made me afraid they'd think it was sexual. How to not be forced to constantly shrink.

Classic primate crotch display. 😠

I don't have rage. I'm just not prepared to allow people to make themselves comfortable at my expense just because they have a penis. Plenty of men manage not to encroach on my space.

If they have a problem with discomfort they should take it up with the train company, not expect me to inconvenience myself so they can be comfortable. My comfort is just as important. I will take up my space in this world, I'm done with making myself small.

Wear a 'cilice'. I read about it in Dan Brown's book 'The Da Vinci Code'.

So a Cilice is a spiked belt or garter that is worn by some religious nuts folk to self inflict pain as a penance - however if one inverted it so the spikes were on the outside (a bit like a hedgehog) it might encourage people to not press against you.

Worth a go?

Luckily for me I'm unattractive and old so I have no fear of them sexualising me!

It's liberating to give no fucks

My last encounter with one of these beasts was on a bus. I was by the window and he spread his legs so wide, he took up three seats and half of mine.

It is hardly innocuous with someone whose legs are open as wide as possible and who has their newspaper spread right across you and their other neighbour (if there is one).

You've obviously been wound up enough by it to make a thread about it several hours later and to jump all over comments on that thread ranting about it.

Clearly the actions of a totally nonchalant person.

Will it matter in a year? No.

So relax, honestly your blood pressure must be through the roof.

Omg. I'm not ranting, just chatting. I think you lost your way from AIBU tbh.

I found it amusing and thought I'd offer solidarity to others who've experienced similar.

And yes it will matter in a year because it keeps happening in all the 5 decades I've lived through.

Sad for you that you don't value yourself enough to see the problem.

Good for you Dreamie. We have a chap at work who will sit to chat but throw his legs out in relax mode, but not move in when people need to pass the desk. Think cubicles making a row in the middle as a hallway of sorts. So you end up stepping over his legs to get to the coffee room. One of these days I will kick him.

Calm down. I see it as just a chat. Nothing wrong with that. Carry on, OP. 🤣

I put my bag between my leg and his so I'm not touching him, and push hard.

Will it matter in a year? No.

Yes. Men taking up women's space and expecting them to accommodate men always matters.

I have been known to deploy this tactics also.

Bravo Op,totally with you.

I can puff my chest and shoulders out these days - I can make myself look like an approaching tank. (If required).

Man today approaches bar, to edge in first whilst I’m already queuing - so my legs are immediately placed square-on, solidly 1.5 m apart and taking up my space.

Still pround of another success - coming down alone in a glass lift in a foreign 5 star hotel, I could hear, and knew I would get “barged” by a group of drunken aggressive thugs (with no respect for women) waiting on the ground floor.

Placed both my toes and my nipples against the stainless steel doors, and as the doors opened right in their faces, outstretched my arms and hands forward at shoulder height with the shouted command to “get back” - and they parted silently like the sea.