Insane wealth

[mumsthewordi]

My dd is at a prep school, the fees and working to afford her school is a lot of pressure for my partner and I, we work all the hours (in average paid jobs, he's a teacher and I'm In a middle management corporate role), and we save everything for her education...she loves her school. I have clicked with her friend's mums, in medical field roles but didn't think much of that...honestly took them at face value, aware one drives a flashy car and is always on holiday.

today was a play date at that mums house - and we pulled up the friends house, at least 4 million , gated , staffed ! Insane wealth...I feel so silly for thinking they were similar to us , I don't think they're better, but was pretty blown away and quite frankly intimidated by the size of house, with all the mod cons.

My daughter was unfazed, she just liked the space to run around.

I suppose I'm like is this the beginning? She's only in reception , but we can't keep with the lifestyle it seems most of her friends have.

I hope she doesn't ever feel insignificant or less than her very obviously richer mates.

My DP boarded on a scholarship at one of the UK's top secondary schools. His parents were very normal, working class.
His friends' parents were incredible wealthy - one owns a small Caribbean Island! Mad wealth.
They have all been amazing friends since they were 11. They are all nearly 50 now and yes there are differences (most of them don't work and live off trust funds / property portfolios were as my DP works his ass off in middle management).
It's ok to have friends that are different. It's good...

@ChicLilacSeal how kids turn out post school education as I worked in higher education. So I suppose to be more exact how kids turn out if they have made it in to HE. All of them turned up with good A level results. In my old dept around 20% of students that had been privately educated got a place whilst the rest were state educated. What was the difference? Distinct lack of regional accents amongst the privately educated ones, that was about it really. Nobody cared where they had been educated, they just wanted to expand their minds further. DH and I did admire the ones who had got there facing adversity which could sometimes be financial though obviously health issues and family issues also featured.

DH and I met working in the same RG University dept as junior staff both raised in totally different environments financially. I even had to work through sixth form whilst doing my A levels, all weekend.

STBXH got a double first from Cambridge while battling alcoholism, and then did three years of a PhD at Oxford but didn't finish, because his dad got Alzheimer's and he left to care for him. Oldest brother got a first in PPE from Oxford. Middle brother wasn't academic, I think he went to Liverpool for chemistry but soon dropped out.

I wasn't talking about the money aspect, I was saying that the early years count. Money is a separate issue.

I already mentioned the practical use and benefit...to prepare the child well for the next stage of a competitive education. Also, I feel that education is a worthy goal in its own right.

I'm talking purely about the benefit of top education in the early years. The money is a separate issue.

It sounds like you’re going to be under slot of pressure once your DD wants the same hobbies and trips as her friends.

You can't keep saying it's a separate issue when it's all part and parcel of the decision she had to make. The money is the main issue what she and her DH cannot sustainably and comfortably afford it, that's the whole point.

Posters are not saying private school isn't with it, they are saying if you're in a situation where it's so tight and stressful then yes it isn't worth it and you should consider putting her in a state school until secondary so they have to save and ease the pressure rather than spend all that time stressed working all hours etc just to pay the fees.

Of course if she can comfortably afford it then go for it. I don't agree that private school is the only way to success and we just literally destroy our financial security just to send out kids to private schools and the funny thing many of their kids are unable to afford to send their own kids to private without grandpa and Grandma's support.

This post isn't about schooling choice
Thanks though

If you're in mid income jobs, not high wealth, why on earth are you putting your kids through private PRIMARY? Secondary I understand there's an argument for (though IMO it's very overstated outside SEN concerns), but primary is literally throwing huge amounts of money away

Don't you worry. If she ever feels inferior to her mates, she can always take a look around at the ordinary kids in ordinary schools and feel vastly superior to them.

But if you are worried about the effects on you child at her exposure to vast disparities in wealth and you cannot afford to keep up with your child’s peers, why expose her to this at such a formative young age? There is no reason for her to know that her home life is lacking in material things that others in her school peer group have at her age. Save it for secondary school where she will be mature enough to at least have a basic understanding of inequalities of wealth distribution.

People were saying that private school isn't worth it for primary, and I'm saying that I do see value in it education-wise. OP seems to feel she can afford it. The thread is about her feelings regarding the wealth levels of some of her DC's friends.

Do kids really notice difference in house size, facilities, gardens, and toys at a play date and feel inferior? My kids are at a very central Chelsea london prep school where they attend play dates and party’s at £20-30m houses and they could not care less! Just that they liked the ‘new toys’ and ‘we got a takeaway!!’ .and his driver drove me home on a great Range Rover!! I have never been been asked why we don’t have various elements…

while parents obsess about wealth gaps, I’m really not sure our kids do e.g. my sons associate the BIG value to sporting prowess. Mine are much more into who plays football rugby well, not who has the ‘best house’…

OP - are you earnings static or as the years pass are you likely to have opportunities to earn at a higher level through promotions / changing employers?

I will declare I have no experience of state schools both mine and my husbands family and our children attended private schools. However I do know what private schools offer and I disagree prep isn't worth it.

The benefit of preps is in the name, they prepare children and depending on which type of prep you opt for the slant may be further towards academics or may move further towards pastoral care for example.

But learning in a prep is easy, small classes mean its personal. They are free from government controlled curriculums so can vary subjects according to the schools direction of education and often do.

If the prep is a through school, students in my experience are taught subjects via specialist teachers who come over from Seniors rather than one teacher covering all. Teachers are very stable, they tend to be paid more and have an easier set of students to manage. Time isnt wasted on Stats in school, assessments are constant and pick up on any areas students are struggling on and teachers can revisit.

Obviously the often talked about sports, drama and music offers are considered superior to those offered in state schools.

There are of course very wealthy people who live in multiple locations across the world etc but lots are working people, I think we are pretty typical families where both parents are educated, work in professional capacity, I'm an architect and my husband is a surgeon, there are lots of families who have similar combinations.

And then there are those who aren't as comfortable but are happy to sacrifice and those with extreme wealth.

What I would say is earnings aren't static, think about lenger trajectories and see if it works for you.

Children are most impressed by the quality of the snacks and whether they have small pets in my experience!

I can afford it and it's worth it

OP you sound quite defensive of your choices. Don’t know what you really posted for if you wanted to be told that you’re the best parent ever for paying for private infant school, and not to worry that your dd will be the poor relation compared to most of her peers . Your dd won’t give a flying fuck shes what, 5? It’s when she gets older and realises she doesn’t have what others have that will make the difference but hopefully the impact this has on her will be worth it for the education and ‘opportunities’ you’re buying her.

No jot defensive just certain about the school aspect - the added extras seem
More a distraction which I'll have to get use to