If you have said no to smartphones for your DC

[Darksideofthemoonshine]

Can you tell me how it has gone?

DS is going into year 7. He’s not arsed about a phone yet but I know it’ll come. I have been very clear to no smartphones. I don’t mind dumb phone or watch etc, and he will have a laptop for school.

But I have a couple of friends who have given their DCs phones from age 7/8 and keep saying they’ll need it for being kept in the loop, invited etc. I don’t see it that way (also not on the usual social media sites myself and manage fine re invites!) but I’d love to hear from others who might be a bit further down the track.

Occasional searches, if someone is seen with it, someone tells on them… It’s the same as knives. Children are banned from bringing weapons into schools but you can see how nationwide occasionally it happens.

Bus passes don’t have to be on phones.

This is the situation with my DC's school too. Homework depends heavily on a number of apps. I don't mind (as much) if they are school-appropriate and built for education, but there is a creep towards (e.g.) downloading Teams for the channels that have science materials on, and so on, and that is not a tool built with protective aspects for u-16s in mind. I have said my piece on this.

There have also been one or 2 occasions when, in class, data is important for quizzes and so on, which again was an eyebrow raiser. If this isn't in hand, students have to share and look over a shoulder. It's not the end of the world and mostly the students are not mean to people who don't have phone access, but add up all the aspects like the lunch payments, accounts, and so on, and unfortunately you do make your life (as a parent too) rather harder and more passive for the student if there is just a basic set of functions on a phone.

Sorry I don’t mean physically. I mean it’s not practical and up to parents. My child is allowed one as I want to use the tracking function on it. That’s not the schools place to ban that for her travel to and from school.

My child once had an issue with the bus and the only way we got her home was sending money online to her bus app.
The passes are on their phones though - most don’t have physical passes.

Adults have created all of this tech - it’s out of the bag. It’s not that simple to just ban it .

Yes I dread to think of the queues down to the office to ask them to phone parents at lunch to add money on. Or transport issues etc

Sounds similar here - they’ve had to download an app for a test before in class, although mine had to quickly message me to ask me to approve it on my phone as all apps go via me! Today I’ve just had to let her know a music lesson is cancelled as the teacher emailed me. She had no idea before that.

I do think they need a way of independently communicating with friends. Parents shouldn't be needing to sort out their social lives for them like arranging playmates fir 5yos. But it doesn't need to be a smartphone.

New guidance is no phones during school... so no photos, no apps for dinner payments,no online timetables etc.

My kids both walk to middle school, separately, (Y5 and Y7), without a phone - it is possible! I know people's journeys are different but one thing we've talked about is diverting to the house of someone we know en route home if needed, i.e. if they injure themselves/have an emergency etc.

I think a lot of parents get a sense of security from tracking their kids' movements on their own phones. Personally I'm not convinced how healthy that is long-term, but I appreciate it's convenient and could be a safety measure in some circs.

My Y7 will probably get a locked-down smartphone within the next year or so although is pretty unbothered at the mo. It's probably helped by the fact that I'm friendly with some of his friends' parents and can be involved in planning a bit. You'll have plenty of people come along to tell you that's not healthy though so it's swings and roundabouts isn't it 😁

It’s better to be open and real with phones and tech, it’s the kids future, let’s be honest, it is for most adults.

Use parental controls, limit or don’t allow social media but let DC find their way while they are young enough to talk to you about it. DC who don’t have any tech street wise-ness until 16/18 will be much more vulnerable and much less able to talk to parents about it. Navigating messaging - responding to texts/organising meet ups/dealing with group chat drama, it’s all part of learning to communicate in real life.

Smart phones are so handy for bus times/maps/shop opening times/quick google questions/film and book recommendations- I could go on but it’s not all sinister, grooming and murky.

Also a phone is no different to a laptop or computer console. My DC have school iPads which arrived unrestricted with everything available to them, so you’d need to go completely no gadgets to achieve what you are trying to.

My teen manages all thise things perfectly well without a phone.

I also think the tracking thing is a false illusion of safety, and not very healthy.

Each watch gets its own phone number, enabling calls, messages, and location sharing independent of the parent's phone.

I think a phone is different because it's there all the time. It's right within reach. It pings and demands attention. A tablet you have to make more of an effort.

Yes, it isn't all shady, but the statistics on how much porn even really young teens have access to is appaling.

It's perfectly fine. Its not always about safety but either way, it saves a lot of practical hassle for both of us.

It doesn't matter what another teen does. That doesn't have any impact on how I was going to get money to my child at school so she could get home. Even the woman at the bus company who I rang to help me sort it, said she didn't know what we would have done if she hadn't had her phone on her.

It does have an impact on other teens if too many teens have them.

Hello - wonderful yo uhave done that!!

A year on, still no smart phone (or any phone). We are not in UK but down under. DS going into year 8 and is almost 12. Most of his mates have smart phones however there is a phone ban at all schools here so nobody has them at school.

I am really proud of him for understanding, and us for holding firm. I have told him why I don't agree with children having smart phones and why he won't be getting one. He gets it. I have said we can discuss next year whether he wants a basic dumb phone or a watch of some kind.

My OP I think was in part worrying about the "social side" but it hasn't been an issue. In terms of contacting his mates, all the parents go via each other anyway, they make plans in person or they just go and knock for each other (old school) which I imagine will continue as they get older.

There are so many excuses and reasons given for getting children smart phones, and arguments about controls etc. But in the end the stats speak for themselves - for eg Oftsed in 2021 says 90% of girls and 50% of boys have been sent unsolicited sexual content (more stats in the link):

https://www.smartphonefreechildhood.org/the-issue/evidence

Really recommended this resource for anyone else wanting to opt out!!

My DD is in year 8 and still has no smartphone. She has a brick that she uses to text friends and occasionally even uses the landline. It's gone surprisingly well - she has one or two friends in the same boat and although they are not the cool group, they are fine. The main thing she wishes she has is WhatsApp, but it's not a major issue and she sees that she has avoided a whole load of crap by not having it. I have said I will think about WhatsApp when she's in year 9 and she's happy with that.