How do you forgive yourself?

[PleaseCanIWeeAlone]

I've behaved appallingly and hurt people. There's nothing I can do to make it better

I've started therapy. I'm trying to pour as much love and energy into my family as I can. I've applied to be a Samaritan.

But I hate myself and I wish I could change what I've done.

How do you move towards forgiving yourself when you don't think you should be?

Well, the wife was never going to like you was she? You hurt her too. But as for totally blaming you? You “preyed” on him? Assuming he is a fully functioning adult, that is bullshit. You didn’t pin him down! He did it by choice and she just doesn’t want to accept that. She has believed the lies he has told her, because she wants and needs to.
I cannot abide the threads which exonerate the ow/om because they have “no responsibility” to the other partner because I think we all have a responsibility to be decent people, but 100% blaming the ow/om is foolish at best.

That letter comes from her own place of pain.
Of course she hates you, you and her husband did a terrible thing and she needs an outlet for all of that anger. You can't take that away from her, you just have to accept it. Put the letter in the bin, accept that she is angry and accept that you have hurt people and are working towards being a better person.

To put some perspective on your situation no one died, you haven't killed anyone. You seem to have learnt from the situation. So please forgive yourself it is not worth being so upset.

@Winterskyfall

Wow double standards are alive and well on this threads. Apparently when men cheat it's a big deal but when women cheat it's important to forgive yourself right away. And by the way, you don't need to be perfect not to cheat. It's not that difficult.
You still haven't said what you de appropriate. Self flagellation? A year in the stocks whilst people throw fruit?

What?

What course of action do you think the OP should take?

She is remorseful
She is seeking therapy.

What now oh vengeful one?

Thank you.

I feel like they have.

Sorry that was terribly worded. I meant I felt like someone had died. I know I need to just give it time and carry on working on myself.

Your 'sin' is one of the oldest and most common in the world. Your guilt shows you are a good person. You deserve to forgive yourself. You are human.