Why would a Dad not want to be listed on a child's birth certificate?

[lily266]

Just wondering if there are any legal implications of this, besides lack of parental responsibility?

My ex isn't listed on our child's bc, he refused to at the time.

Refused to come to arrangement regarding child support. So I went to CMS which he disputed. DNA test done which of course proved he was the father.

He's had the opportunity to go on the bc, but won't.

Wanted to be involved in child's life but contact broke down.

Was advised by solicitor to get on the bc and seek CAO, but he won't.

Still wants contact though.

I'm actually not bothered if he's on the bc or not, it does me a favour if he isn't tbh.

But I am trying to understand the thought process? He knows our child is his.

His family has a lot of money, and I know they were concerned about my child potentially inheriting, and saw a solicitor about this. I'm not bothered about money btw but they are.

My ex also has some assets and businesses. Would being on the bc or having a dependent have any impact on that?

Just trying to understand. Thanks!

I suspect it was a ill guided attempt to avoid CMA and is now just doubling down

You said it, it's about money and not wanting his son to have an automatic right to any of it

You've answered your own question.

So he does pay child support through CMS and has done for some time, as the DNA through them proved he was the father.

Is your ex English? I know in some countries you can't disinherit your children but in England you can leave all your money to a cats home if that is your wish.

Yes. He’s obviously not very bright. I think that’s the reason.

TBH - what does it matter really.

He doesn’t want to be involved, CMS will pursue him for support etc.

Why do you want him on the BC?

Yes we are both English and live in England.

He still has the financial obligation of child support which he has to pay now. So I can't understand why if he wants to see his child why he won't just go and get on the birth certificate and get a CAO.

No, he says he wants to be involved and see our child.

We had an arrangement between us, but he kept changing and wouldn't stick to the agreed days. So I stopped it for now and said we need a set agreement through legal channels.

He was told to do a CAO he can apply and get on the birth certificate and apply for a CAO at the same time, but he won't do this.

My ex didn’t want to be on because I wouldn’t give our son his surname so he said there was “no point” nothing to do with maintenance for us.

Well you've done the right thing and said let's get this official. The solicitor agrees with you. Ball is in his court. I'd just leave it now.
It's almost certainly about inheritance or money

I'm not bothered whether or not he's on the bc or has contact. It doesn't affect me, he still has to help financially support our child.

I guess my question is why he has this huge reluctance to get it sorted, or be on the birth certificate if he's saying he wants contact?

Is there some sort of other reason I'm not seeing, such as inheritance or having a dependent "officially" for the purposes of mortgages, businesses, loans etc?

there seems to be this odd thought by men, that if they are not on the birth certificate, then it releases them from any responsibiity for the child, mainly money!

i personally (and i am going to get flamed on this). if a man refuses to have his name on a birth cert, then he shouldn't be allowed any kind of contact etc, and quite rightly should be chased by CMA for money, but i also feel if a woman refuses to put the dads name on the certificate, and the dad WANTS to be involved, then they shouldn't chase the dad for money.

I understand there are circumstances where this isn't always possibly before everyone comes for me.

I have a SS, when him and his partner had a child she refused to put his name on the cert, sighting that once he had proved himself a worthy dad, then she would put it on there! They have since spilt up! (there was another man involved) She has changed the childs name but still demands and gets money from SS even though he isn't allowed to see the child! The child has her new partners surname, yet she refuses a DNA test! She's allowed to refuse the DNA test, he can't force her to have one and he is still forced to pay!

Couldn't a court force it though if she refuses? It's my understanding that they can?

He also could also dispute parentage with CMS, and if she refuses and DNA test they will close the claim.
Equally, if a Dad refuses a DNA test through CMS, they will assume he is the father and make him pay regardless. As there is no good reason to refuse.

such as inheritance or having a dependent "officially" for the purposes of mortgages, businesses, loans etc?

Yes OP, he will be trying to avoid longer term responsibilities once CMS ends

So he was harassing me at one point, was even spoken to by police who told him he has no rights as he's not on the birth certificate- he was told by them to get this sorted if he wants to see his child.

But he's still not done it and refuses to... this was months and months ago.

That's why I'm asking if there could be more to it and reasons/benefits that I'm not aware of.

Well he doesn't really want contact does he, if he did, he'd see him. He's just using it as a way to harass you. That's the point of it.

I’m going to file this under “it’s more important to him to fuck with you than to have a legal position with respect to his child”

As far as possible, assume he will just do batshit things and that’s nothing to do with you, so just disregard him.

but i also feel if a woman refuses to put the dads name on the certificate, and the dad WANTS to be involved, then they shouldn't chase the dad for money.

A woman has no power to stop the child's father going on their birth certificate. The most she could do is (if they aren't married) go and register the child without his presence, but all the father would have to do is apply to the court to be added and he will be added.

OP - it's laziness. He wants contact, but can't be bothered to actually put the effort in to get it, or research that being on the birth certificate doesn't put him on the hook for anything more than he already is, but does give him the right to be involved in decisions regarding the child

I split with my DSs father when I was pregnant, he insisted on a DNA test, so I registered DS birth myself. He had contact and paid maintenance but took him 2 years to agree to put his name on the birth cert.

It was an unplanned pregnancy, and I think he thought it might somehow all go away if he wasn't on the birth cert, or else he said no just because I asked him!

Didn't make any difference of course, but was handy as I could get babies first passport with no involvement by him.

So the general consensus either-

He may believe it gets him out of long term responsibilities, over and above child maintenance?

He's just lazy/wants to mess with me?

Thing is, money is no object in terms of him seeing a solicitor for actual advice.

They would tell him that being on the birth certificate isn't going to make him obligated to leave an inheritance or anything like that.

He already pays child maintenance so he knows that being on the birth certificate doesn't affect that.

If he wants contact being on the birth certificate is surely only going to be beneficial to him!

He has money but he's very selfish and likes to spend on himself.

He says he's had legal advice but given the things he says and the fact he hasn't tried to go for the BC or CAO despite "desperately" wanting contact, makes me think he actually hasn't had legal advice at all.

I don't want him on the BC, but he's consistently pestering me about contact,
Making out that I am unreasonable. But I just can't understand why he hasn't even done the basics.

It benefits you that he's not on the birth certificate. If he was on the birth certificate he'd have parental responsibility and could have a say over which school your child goes to, whether you can take your child out of the country on holiday and even if your child could have vaccinations. Be happy that he's not on it!

I wouldn't ask him about it again. Just let CMS deal with the financial side.

Sorry if I've not been clear. I'm not asking him about it, I've offered him to be on there in the past (at the time of registration and after DNA test which he declined).

It's the he's pestering me regarding contact and complaining, but he's got the option to apply to be on the birth certificate, then get a child arrangements order. Which he knows full well.

But he just doesn't seem to do anything about it and I can't understand why, he's got the money to sort it. So I wondered if there was more to it or any benefit to him in not being on there.

My ex refused to go on DS's birth certificate.

We arrived at the registry office and he said the father was away with work. I was embarrassed and I'm sure the registrar knew. So my DS has a blank space for his father.

The ridiculous thing is I didn't mind, as even if he was on the BC he wouldn't have parental responsibility, so I wasn't scared about that and wanted DS to have a proper BC.

I was really angry when DS was 20 and went into a psychiatric hospital for a week. They phoned me and asked who his next of kin was, I said me (obviously), but they asked if his dad was older as technically he would be NOK. I said his dad wasn't on the BC, but they said it didn't matter....the reason he was in there, was because his dad attacked us and tried to kill us when DS was 12. He went to prison for it and was banned from seeing DS, so I was really angry that they decided to over-rule that, plus the fact he was not on the BC and had precious little to do with him.

Effing hell, if women devoted the energy they spend to understand the unacceptable into not accepting the unacceptable, women would be in a better place

He isn’t doing it either out of spite, laziness, avarice and that doesn’t matter, what matters is that he wants to build a relationship with his child that he can walk away from (except financially), that he wants the trimmings of parenthood without making it official, that’s the equivalent of a booty call if you see what I mean.

Better no father than such an untenable and harmful situation for a child.

Stop trying to understand, facilitate, play naive and innocent, don’t give this man access to your child and become disposable. Let the father sort himself out and go through the official paths/legal recognition.