Boyfriend said that i wanted to be sexually abused when i was younger ?!

[crazybbabyysb]

Hey everyone feeling a little down a little back story I'm 24 now however when I was around 12-14 I was sexually abused by a older person he was around 20 he didn't rape me but he took advantage of me yes I really liked the guy but now as I'm
Older I should have said something to my mum or anyone

Anyway I've decided to tell my boyfriend he said that I clearly wanted it because I didn't let anyone know I said to him do you understands what it means to be groomed but somehow hes saying that me and the guy is both wrong kind of making me want to break up with him over it am I over reacting ?

He clearly thinks this was equal and a child is a fair game in this situation??? This would make me physically sick to be near him. Get rid.

Any sexual activity with an underage person is abuse. 12-14 old can not give consent. It was all on the 20 year old (!), no matter how you acted.

That's disgusting. Please get away from this man.

Awful just awful. You must get rid of him. I’m so sorry for what happened to you.

I very very rarely post here but can't not reply - you are absolutely not in the wrong, it was not your fault, and from what you've told us he sounds like a huge red flag.

It is the old adage “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time” he is an asshole.

Oh my god, your boyfriend is dead wrong.

IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT.

I’ll repeat that.

IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT

Not even a little bit, not 1%!

You were a child! I’m so sorry that this happened to you.

I hope you can eventually talk to a professional person about it, personally having had something like this in my family, I highly recommend that.

Hugs x

Break up with him. He is a terrible person!!! And go to therapy, the fact that you need to ask if you are overreacting shows you haven't yet healed from this, you deserve SO much better. There are decent, caring men out there who will love you more than you can imagine, that is what you deserve, not this disgusting creature you are with at present.

He's an arsehole at best, a predator/abuser at worst. The fact you were even considering that he might have a point tells me that you haven't properly processed or healed from your experience. I would seek professional support and work on your own self esteem and boundaries before entering another relationship.

Well done! What fabulous strength and well done for realising just what that one comment from him meant.

Yep get rid. A 12 13 year old is particularly vulnerable. An child. It’s wrong for a 20 year old to groom a 14 year old

A 12 year old might have a fairy tale abstract idea of what love or relationships or boyfriends or even sex might be, but they don’t have sufficient development or life experience to fully understand what it involves, and what the consequences might be. That’s why they can’t give ‘informed consent’ and that’s why any adult should not be making any sexual approaches to a child under 16.

You are not at fault. You are not responsible for what happened to you. Your boyfriend is a prick. Show him this thread and then block him. Look after yourself, you are worth so much more than these vile men you have encountered. 💐

He's a thicko if he can't understand how grooming works.

Get rid of him.

He's telling you he expects to be able to treat women badly, blame them and get away with it.

I think you need to believe him in that he believes children are responsible for being abused.

With that mindset, you cannot trust him around children.

You cannot have children with him and he can't be around children in your family.

He has a predatory mentality.

This relationship can't go anywhere because children are going to be part of your life at one stage either yours or relatives.

Leave him. Don’t think twice. What a horrible man!

I don’t want to be scaremongering but how long before he starts trying to force you to do things you won’t want to because “you want to be abused”.

Leave the bastard. He is a paedophile apologist. He is supposed to love you, not victim blame you. It speaks volumes about his opinion on consent that he would suggest you 'wanted it'. I would not be surprised if he has been in a similar situation, where he holds the position of power over a vulnerable girl.
Move on. You deserve better.

Get rid, he has a worrying view of women and this will translate into all kinds of areas. He'll think younger women are fair game, not see anything wrong with being sleazy etc

Absofuckinglutely

I know you are getting shot if him and thats quite right yiur need to kick that fucker to the kerb.

you are worth much more than that!

good luck 💐

You were under the age of consent and he was an adult. What he did was illegal. He is a pedophile. You were a child. Your BF doesn't understand consent and frankly is a cunt. He's victim blaming a child. He's despicable.

What does he think 'the age of consent' means? He sounds extremely dense and a pretty deep-rooted misogynist.

What is in his past? Do you know much about his previous relationships.

Either way this man is not your person.

Your bf is wrong and you are not in any way responsible for what happened to you. A 12-14 year old cannot consent to sexual activity with an adult - that's the law. You are doing exactly the right thing to dump him - he's a walking red flag.

Holy shit! Get shot of this man. You were not yo blame at all. Seriously, I'd never be able to touch him again. Ick. Ick. Ick.

I would also be worried that his first instinct wasn't that it was disgusting to even consider a relationship between a 12 and 20 year old. How can he not instantly know he was a paedophile?
Be strong OP you deserve so much more.

Il so sorry that happened to you and glad you’ve decided to dump him.

I second telling him it’s because he’s a nonce. Vile pervert.