To think I simply can’t go on a car journey with my 3.5 month old?

[AtWitsEnd2025]

I’m currently parked up on a roadside with a screaming DS. Inconsolable. I’ve changed his nappy on the back seat it’s not that. He was fed 40 mins ago. I’ve offered him boob on the back seat and he doesn’t want it. He’s crying his eyes out. Dummy not helping. I’ve assembled the pram to see if lying flat helped it didn’t. DH standing and bouncing him on the pavement in the rain helped a little.

in the end we’ve decided to put him back in the car seat and drive the ten mins home. He is SCREAMING.

what do we do? What if we were on a motorway?

we can’t calm him, and pulling over to change him and offer boob isn’t possible on the hard shoulder!

It depends how long you’ve been travelling, so I think you’re right. Babies shouldn’t be in a car seat for more than 30 minutes per day.
edited: it’s actually 2 hours

Actually I’ve got that wrong it’s 2 hours

My son did this. Turns out he is dreadfully travel sick and the facing backward made him feel awful. He only started vommiting from about a year but I think he had the awful nausea from birth. I avoided cars as much as I could until he could face forwards. He still gets sick on twisting roads but it’s much better than it was.

You can't never go on a car journey in case your baby decides to kick off. You're suggesting normally they don't. All babies, indeed all children, have their moments! I remember once when DC1 was almost 3 she screamed hysterically for 45 minutes on the motorway once. If you think a newborn's hysterics are bad too imagine that but many many decibels louder and involving shouting stuff too. They are 6 now and it's still a possibility now realistically, kids are unpredictable.

I'm sure your baby will be fine next time, don't overthink it.

Mine would cry whenever we went into a tunnel so agree that the dark/night might be a factor.

Both of mine had times like that in the car. If you’ve stopped and there’s nothing more to do, you just have to keep going. One of you sit in the back with him

it is awful, I feel your pain

The baby is 3.5 months, not years - he is not doing any socialising or adventuring!

Give it time. My youngest was like this and I just didn't take him in the car. My neighbour held him while I did the school run, and I walked everywhere else. In time he became ok with the car. I would not drive with him screaming if you don't need to, it's not good for them.

Try loosening his nappy before you put him in. I saw a Tik Tok with this advice so tried it as my baby boy screamed in the car around the same age. It worked for us.

I had this with my eldest once on the M4. I think he'd fallen asleep in daylight and then when he woke up it was dark and he was terrified. Started screaming just after Jct 16 and I had to persevere until I could get to Leigh Delamere services. It's not that far, but felt like the longest journey in history. He was inconsolable and I remember desperately trying to talk and sing to him and reach back to hold his hand.

He never did it again, so I do wonder if yours is the same and it's the dark causing the problem.

Hope you've arrived home safely, it's horrible when you just can't help them.

My dd was like this as a baby, hated the car and I often had to sit in the back with her whilst dh drove, it made life tricky when dh was working, I wasn’t able to take her far as I couldn’t cope with ignoring it. It does get easier as they get older and once they are forward facing. It might seem like a nightmare right now but it doesn’t last. Once they are older it’s easier to talk to them and find distractions.

🤣

My youngest hated the car with a passion. Would scream the entire time and eventually make himself sick. We basically didn't use the car (with him at least) until he was about 6 months old and grew out of it (& even then often needed an adult in the back with him). We used the bus or walked a lot and largely didn't venture too far. We had an older one in school though and are well connected by buses and trains so it didn't have a huge impact on our lives tbh. I don't think trying to drive with an inconsolable baby is particularly safe, and I don't think people fully appreciate what it's like when they literally do not stop screaming because they hate the car. It's distracting, distressing for all and dangerous.

Just avoid the car as much as you can it doesn’t last forever. I found it far too stressful to endure.

It got better around 9 months when we changed the seat

Mine was like this, it took ages to be able to do 1hr journeys ie 4yrs and i was still nervous then! At 5 he's fine for v long journeys now. Dad still sits with him in the back i think it's safer anyhow

This was our approach. It had to be. We live rurally and our nearest biggest shops are 30 miles each way. Even going to Tesco etc is 30 mins in the car. Ds is 13 (years) now and clearly got over it! Sometimes needs must.

My child used to do this too until he was old enough to come out the newborn car seat. Every car journey was horrific.

My first was like this. Unfortunately I had a 40 min commute from my work/her nursery to home at the time. I got her a portable Cd player (yes this was 10 years ago) and stripped it to the headrest with some BBC kids/baby DVDs. That stopped her fussing completely. Maybe not ideal but safer than trying to drive with a baby making a fuss

My DDs are the same. With DD1 from 3-5 months she was inconsolable in the car. We tried everything and I just ended up walking and getting the train and minimising car journeys. We changed to a toddler seat suitable for newborns and that helped a little. It did gradually improve from 5 months and by 8 months it was usually fine. Having something to look at helped too.

My DD2 is 3 months and the same in the car so I’m hoping it will also improve soon. I figure that it’s a short phase and 1 hour crying out of 24 hours is 4% of one day so not much time. It’s horrible to hear though. Just make sure your baby doesn’t overheat - mine get so hot when screaming which is awful. Take deep breaths and remember you’re doing amazingly xxx

We had this. It’s very, very common. Eased by 5 months.

To be fair if you have ruled out every possible reason for ACTUAL pain and distress so its just they are unhappy. So are most people but as we get older we learn we can't just scream at everyone (even if we really want to).

He isn't dying, theres nothing to be 'heart wrenched' over, he is just making his displeasure heard, he will get over it in time like all babies do.

Until then you have too options: stay home or soldier through... the risk with 'staying home' is it will be worse when you can't as he is not acclimatizing and you won't know when he actually gets over it.

What car seat do you have? I'd maybe try a different one. As a PP said, a white noise light up teddy helped with mine.

Some babies hate car seats, I think the angle can be uncomfortable. We never used the car with dc1 until she was 3 - we walked or used trains and buses (in London so could get anywhere like that). I could breastfeed or wear her in a carrier if necessarily and that always kept her calm.

@Doggymummar

do you really think people can be at home at 6pm for bath and bedtime every single night??
and most babies are not bathed daily either

Is the airconditioning/blower on? One of mine was very funny with aircon eg in certain shops - an Argos and Lloyds Bank especially, go in... 'SCREAMS' , leave shop...'silence', go back in 'SCREAMS'