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Original poster

Making it clear it's pay for yourselves

69 replies

Howisitnotobvious · 04/01/2025 20:54

Hello,

Any advice on this welcome. How can I make it clear that the friends I am inviting for axe throwing and dinner afterwards for my birthday will have to pay for themselves? I'm going to put money behind the bar to cover a round of drinks on arrival.

OP posts:
theeyeofdoe · 04/01/2025 20:58

Something like:
It's my 40th
I'd love you to join me for axe throwing and dinner on the xxxx
It's £xxx per person, but first drinks are on me!

Check out Canva and do an invite.

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 04/01/2025 20:58

Just casually message and say you're going to axe throwing for your birthday and dinner after if anyone fancies joining. Say you'll buy a round of drinks to make it super clear the rest isn't being paid.

In my circle I'd never go out for a birthday event and expect it to be paid for me, especially something like an activity then dinner.

Secondguess · 04/01/2025 20:58

Just let them know what the activity costs, e.g.

I hope you can join me for abc activity to celebrate birthday on ddmmyyyy at hhmm. It will cost £x per person. If you can make it please confirm by ddmm and send your deposit/pay £x/book yourself...

OverthinkingOlive · 04/01/2025 21:00

Hi guys

Just to confirm the axe throwing activity will be £20 each and the dinner is £30 for a set menu. I'm happy for you to either transfer the amount to me or you can pay yourselves directly on the day. Whichever is easiest for you.

As a thank you for coming I've arranged a complimentary arrival drink for you all.

Can't wait! X

(If they are real friends literally nobody will have a problem with this)

MuggleMe · 04/01/2025 21:01

Would love it if you could come, appreciate not everyone has a lot of spare cash this time of year but I'll buy the first round and here's the menu?

Crikeyalmighty · 04/01/2025 21:04

Admire the fact you are giving clarity OP - many don't

Wishboneswishes · 04/01/2025 21:07

Some great ideas here. I would not expect my friend to pay on her birthday for everyone,

Original poster
Howisitnotobvious · 04/01/2025 21:26

Thank you.

Is it also reasonable to make it clear we won't be splitting the bill? Some people will be on lemonade all night and others will be having bottles of £££.

OP posts:
Original poster
Howisitnotobvious · 04/01/2025 21:26

Just wanting to avoid an awkward moment on the night ...

OP posts:
sometimesmovingforwards · 04/01/2025 21:29

Sounds like your birthday invite needs some small print of contractual obligations, terms and conditions apply etc 🤣🤣

Original poster
Howisitnotobvious · 04/01/2025 21:31

sometimesmovingforwards · 04/01/2025 21:29

Sounds like your birthday invite needs some small print of contractual obligations, terms and conditions apply etc 🤣🤣

I do love an asterisk.

OP posts:
KerryBlues · 04/01/2025 21:32

Howisitnotobvious · 04/01/2025 21:26

Thank you.

Is it also reasonable to make it clear we won't be splitting the bill? Some people will be on lemonade all night and others will be having bottles of £££.

Truly the hostess with the mostest.

Best manage those expectations from the get go, op. You don't want to end up with a 40p addition to your bill that you didn't budget for 😂

Hercisback1 · 04/01/2025 21:33

Why not do axe throwing and a drink, otherwise it's a lot of money for people.

BeLilacSloth · 04/01/2025 21:35

Surely your friends won’t be expecting you to pay for everything??

shewillbefinestopworrying · 04/01/2025 21:35

Remind people to bring their calculators. Another asterisk.

Original poster
Howisitnotobvious · 04/01/2025 21:39

KerryBlues · 04/01/2025 21:32

Truly the hostess with the mostest.

Best manage those expectations from the get go, op. You don't want to end up with a 40p addition to your bill that you didn't budget for 😂

Show quote history

Um I'm already paying for hire of the two venues and a free drink. That's £250! I don't think it's unreasonable to be up front so people can make informed choices about whether to come or not. But I can't afford to pay another £1500 on top - it's not 40p.

OP posts:
Original poster
Howisitnotobvious · 04/01/2025 21:41

BeLilacSloth · 04/01/2025 21:35

Surely your friends won’t be expecting you to pay for everything??

That's what I thought but then I saw a thread on here from before Christmas and it was pretty clear some people expect not to pay if they receive an invitation.

OP posts:
JimHalpertsWife · 04/01/2025 21:42

Is the axe throwing and dinner separate to the party? What is provided at the party?

KerryBlues · 04/01/2025 21:43

Howisitnotobvious · 04/01/2025 21:39

Um I'm already paying for hire of the two venues and a free drink. That's £250! I don't think it's unreasonable to be up front so people can make informed choices about whether to come or not. But I can't afford to pay another £1500 on top - it's not 40p.

Show quote history

How are you hiring the venues and getting people to pay for themselves?
Is there an element of profit in there somewhere?

EmberAsh · 04/01/2025 21:47

Have you already told people about the party including the axe throwing, dinner and drinks. Because that changes how you word things.

Talulahalula · 04/01/2025 21:48

Howisitnotobvious · 04/01/2025 21:39

Um I'm already paying for hire of the two venues and a free drink. That's £250! I don't think it's unreasonable to be up front so people can make informed choices about whether to come or not. But I can't afford to pay another £1500 on top - it's not 40p.

Show quote history

I think if I could not afford to pay for the guests I invited, I would choose something cheaper. Or if I expected them to pay, one part of the plan - either the activity and a drink, or the dinner. How much are you expecting your guests to fork out for the pleasure of celebrating your birthday? (Plus presumably provide a gift)

JimHalpertsWife · 04/01/2025 21:49

OP, what happens if, say 10 want to do axe throwing and 12 want the dinner and 25 are coming to the "party" - what do the non dinner and non axe throwing people do?

TotallyTwisted · 04/01/2025 21:52

Hercisback1 · 04/01/2025 21:33

Why not do axe throwing and a drink, otherwise it's a lot of money for people.

Or even better, skip the axe throwing (wtf?) and just go out for a meal like a normal person.

Sampler · 04/01/2025 21:53

Is axe throwing normal in your village ?

KerryBlues · 04/01/2025 21:55

Three events to celebrate your birthday is at least two too many, op.
Especially when it's pay at the door for everyone, and the invitation states you won't be splitting the bill.