Making it clear it's pay for yourselves

[Howisitnotobvious]

Hello,

Any advice on this welcome. How can I make it clear that the friends I am inviting for axe throwing and dinner afterwards for my birthday will have to pay for themselves? I'm going to put money behind the bar to cover a round of drinks on arrival.

No, unfortunately this is not reasonable. People paying for themselves on your birthday- ok. People paying for themselves and other guests’ ‘bottles of £££’ - absolute piss take.

You can ask guests to pay their own way, but obviously you have to split the bill too.. That is taking the piss otherwise

@Frauhubert she said not splitting the bill, so everyone will pay for their own rather than split it evenly.

Don’t expect presents then tightwad

The restaurant needs to be told to prepare individual bills. They can keep check on hat everyone's eaten/drank.

Have fun

Tbh I'm not sure many will want to take part in the axe throwing bit?

I'm assume OP means that each person will pay for their own drinks, rather than splitting across everyone.

Tell them the price and ask for a deposit.

I see the terminally supercilious have found your thread OP 🙄 I would ignore them if I were you.

Just mention that you're providing the first drink, and indicate the cost of the activity/meal. Nobody normal will be surprised that you're not footing the entire cost, whatever the MN fantasists tell you. Axe throwing is great fun btw. Both DH and I have done it as a work event.

@Howisitnotobvious honestly, Mumsnet is the only place I've ever heard people say they'd expect to have their meal paid for if they are invited out for someone's birthday. In the "normal" world of course people pay for themselves. Clarifying that the bill isn't going to be split equally is useful info though.
In this instance, I'd send a message saying something like;

Hi all,
On my birthday this year I've decided I'd like to try axe throwing. If you'd like to join me, the activity costs £*. After that I'm going to X restaurant where meals cost around x amount. As some won't be drinking and some will it's be better not to split the bill and just pay for our own. Hope that's ok. I'm going to buy the first round though!

I think our OP will have both a Personal Assistant and retained solicitor on hand for these sorts of details. No scenario will be left unclarified in the invites!!!

Hi Friend, for my 40th birthday let me know if you'd like to come for axe throwing and dinner at (place) on (date). The cost is X per person for the axe throwing and Y for the dinner based on the set menu linked plus drinks.

How many people? I'm not sure how you go about paying for each person's individual order plus service for a very large number. I would ordinarily split it, or it be a set menu / set price.
I don't think there's much more you can do than explain at the beginning of the meal and hope everyone keeps track of what they have ordered?

@purplelagoon

That message is spot on.

I have no issue on paying (unless it is a silly amount).
But I dont hmderstand what venues are you paying to hire out. Are you having to pay to hire out the axing throwing and restaurant and then pay to chuck axes?

Surely if it's something you're organising you can get the first couple of rounds or a couple of bottles of wine/san pellegrino for the table?

You're asking people to come on a pretty pricey day out for your birthday.

The last meal I went to where there were loads of us there was a QR code on the table and you could order and pay from your phone to the table for both food and drinks.

Ignore me, I see you are paying for the outlay!

I’m 90% sure you wrote axe throwing as a proxy for whatever you’re actually doing so as not be outing…or are you actually going axe throwing?

This. Are you paying to hire exclusive use of the axe-throwing venue and the restaurant? Is this subsidising the costs (ie your payment coming off the total cost)?

PS Axe throwing is fun

Why?

I think it’s very cheeky, not to pay for a birthday meal, I had two 60 th parties, both 17 ( one family venue provided, one close friends and neighbours), the friends and neighbours given up to £25 , 2 years ago, from,pub menu, drinks they paid for themselves.

Is it not one of these activities that has taken off in recent years like adults only mini golf and darts?