Making it clear it's pay for yourselves

[Howisitnotobvious]

Hello,

Any advice on this welcome. How can I make it clear that the friends I am inviting for axe throwing and dinner afterwards for my birthday will have to pay for themselves? I'm going to put money behind the bar to cover a round of drinks on arrival.

Or even better, skip the axe throwing (wtf?) and just go out for a meal like a normal person

Absolutely!

But it’s starting to sound a bit complicated , so thanks for the invite, but I’m busy that night …

Jesus christ.

This made me chuckle

throw an axe at the meal you want

srsly OP I think just say it outright

i really wanted to try axe throwing but made a prat of myself at virtual shooting already!

I'm a bit lost. Which venues are you paying to hire? Definitely shop around - not all axe throwing places (I've actually booked one for a youth group 😆) or restaurants will charge you to accommodate a group

I'd probably field the idea before booking anything. I can't imagine there'll be many who'll want to go axe throwing then on to a private room in a restaurant for dinner. What do you wear for both those things?! Probably everyone would want dinner, but the axe throwing is a bit more of a niche interest.

Maybe I'm off, but it doesn't seem that complicated.

Do you want to join us for birthday celebration?
Axe throwing at 4:00 , 10$/person
Supper at the pub, seperate bills
Bar chit set up, please make sure you have a ride home
Rsvp by x date

I say 'shop around for axe throwing' like it's a normal thing to do, but I live in what seems to be the axe throwing capital of Britain. I realise you probably don't have several options to haggle with, but do be sure you're not paying them to hire the venue just so you can get loads of people in there to each pay the standard rate (probably more people than they'd ordinarily get for a session).

Well you're not inviting, because inviting means you're hosting. You're organising a night out that coincides with your birthday.

In my group of friends, birthdays are discussed and planned as a group (because when people are paying their own way, it's the done thing to allow them some input/chat). None of my friends have ever told us all what (and when) we're doing; and it's well established that drivers/non drinkers don't put into the bar kitty.

If you're planning to send 'formal' invites (ie the people you're expecting to join you aren't close friends you socialise with regularly) postfaced with a "PS I'm not paying, you are" then I'd be prepared for a sizeable number of no shows 🙈

If you've made it clear you're not paying I don't think you need to be pre-empting how the dinner bill is split at this stage.

What if everyone wants to just split the bill? That's pretty normal and not for you to decide. I'd rather pay a bit extra to cover a bit more of someone's more expensive meal than faff about working everyone's exact share.

I’ve been to probably over 300 birthday meals/drinks/activities in my 42 years of life and with the exception of a very rich guy’s 30th which he covered all expenses and another wealthy friend whose father paid for his 21st and some family events I have always paid for myself for dinner and activities and would assume my friends knew that paying for yourself is expected at my birthdays too. You are overthinking this OP.

How many people are you expecting OP? Having to pay £250 plus each person playing for the axe throwing and dinner on top sounds expensive

I was out recently for a works leaving do. Around 30 of us and we just automatically went to the bar one by one and paid for it hat we had to eat and drink. It wasn't a big deal and everyone was happier to do this as some were on soft drinks and others on cocktails etc. the venue didn't mind either.

No way would I expect the birthday host to foot the bill.

OK thank you for the advice.

The venue hosting the axe throwing and the dinner are separate places but I have had to hire them if that makes sense. A bit like you have to pay for wedding venue hire then a pp charge on top.

I think the OP is being helpful by making it clear that the bill won't be split. She obviously knows the friends she's inviting and what they are likely to want to do. I've been on both sides of this. I've been that person who didn't feel brave enough to speak up after only having a main and a soft drink when others had three courses and cocktails and had more money than me. I've also been the one who decided. not to order the steak and the nice wine because I felt bad about the fact that the bill would be split at the end and people would politely say it was fine when actually maybe it wasn't really.
Paying for what you've had has become much normal amongst my friendship groups now and I'm very pleased about that.

I think of you can't afford to pay for people then you shouldn't be doing the activity. And. If you don't want to split the bill then you should be choosing somewhere where you can pay when you order. You seem to want this big birthday without putting your hand in your pocket.

Where I'm from, the host pays.

Where are you from? Because that's just never been the case anywhere that I've lived in the UK. The only place I've ever her this is on MN threads.

From the UK but I'm a gypsy and I've noticed we have very different attitudes towards money and sharing costs.