Help with one liners

[haveyouopenedyourbowelstoday]

Please help! I need a few put down one liners to keep someone in their place.
I like 'did you mean to be so rude' but could do with a couple more.

"i'm sorry, i stopped listening to you 5 minutes ago..."

Oh, are you still here?

Need context. What sort of thing do they say/do that means they need putting in their place?

If they’re boasting it would be something like “wow, and you’re so modest about it!” If they’re being rude about someone else it would be “gosh, if you’re willing to say that about X, I wonder what people say about you” or “did you mean to say that out loud?”

Who put 50p in the dickhead?
That's nice, dear.
If I wanted your opinion, I'd give it to you

Did you mean to say that out loud?

Why do you think it's ok to say that to someone [at work/ at home/ at the shops]

Is everything ok? That's a really strange thing to say to someone.

That's bold of you to think I cared about your opinion.

If you say nothing it'll annoy them more

Thanks all. Someone I'll be working with who can be very unpleasant so forewarned is for armed. Some brilliant ones here!!

Keeping these for future reference.

I think you're confusing me with someone who gives a damn.