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Original poster

I haven’t had a moment to myself without the kids in over a week and I’m on my last shred of sanity

51 replies

DrRichardWebber · 30/12/2024 14:06

I was made redundant just before Christmas. It was an unbelievably stressful time but I’ve managed by some miracle to interview for and get a new job that will start next year. Each interview required a strategy presentation pulling together, so not an easy thing to do.

I have gone straight from that into non stop kids for the holidays. They are 5 and 7. My husband has been working pretty much non stop, but also because I’ve been taking the kids out to give him space to work he has also had plenty of relaxed time at home, and time to exercise and play golf. We don’t have any local help from family. The 5 year old is super clingy. The kids out of routine have not been easy.

We have a day of plans tomorrow and I’m on my absolute last shred of sanity. I can feel myself on the edge of just locking myself in a room by myself. But what I need is a decent long run. A coffee by myself in a quiet house while I watch Gavin and Stacey.

Can anyone else relate?

OP posts:
RealHousewivesOfTaunton · 30/12/2024 14:21

Ask your DH to take the DC out this afternoon so you can do the above. Failing that, pop them in the IKEA crèche for an hour to yourself.

RabbitsEatPancakes · 30/12/2024 14:23

I'd think 5 and 7 for a week is pretty easy tbh unless SEN. Have you taken them out every day, planned some small activities to keep them busy?
Have you never had to have them for a school holiday before?
I'm 35weeks pregnant with a 2 and 5yr old, my other half is working away so I can sympathise about no time to yourself but with those ages I'd assume they can play or entertain themselves for a while.

RuthEvershedforPM · 30/12/2024 14:25

Oh goodness. Can you cancel the plans and leave him and them to it? You can’t go into a new job frazzled, well you can - but why should you if he has played bloody golf

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Trumpetoftheswan2 · 30/12/2024 14:45

It sounds like no-one is going to suggest that you take some time for yourself, so you'll have to insist that you need it.

This afternoon or rejig plans for tomorrow.

Mine are older now but I well remember the lack of head space caused by being followed around and hearing 'mama, mama' constantly.

AmandaHoldensLips · 30/12/2024 15:02

You have to put your foot down and tell your DH that you are entitled to down-time away from the kids just as much as he is. It is NOT negotiable.

Women are not domestic appliances.

Doje · 30/12/2024 15:03

I feel the same! We've been away for Christmas staying with relatives. Been sleeping in the lounge so not even a bedroom space to have five minutes on my own. It's been a week and I've not been on my own at all in that time.

In the car now with DH and the kids heading home and he won't stop talking and I want to just gag him so he shuts up.

I'm sooo looking forward to being in my own home tonight, the kids are going to bed early and DH is off to play football and I'm going to be in heaven with a cuppa watching Gavin and Stacey ON MY OWN!!!

AwakeNotThruChoice · 30/12/2024 15:04

Don’t understand why you’ve taken the kids so he can exercise/play golf. But you’ve not had kid-free time?
We make sure it’s equal in our house so there’s no resentment!

Eldermillennial2024 · 30/12/2024 15:06

Well obviously you need to get your DH to help

Pick a time when you know he's not working and tell him you're going out to do some shopping / get a coffee / see a friend / a walk

SleepyHippy3 · 30/12/2024 15:07

Why Is it all on you? So he can see you are stressed and frazzled but continues with golf sessions? Can you just ask him to not go and help you look after the kids for a bit while you decompress for a bit?

catsbookschaos · 30/12/2024 15:10

Oh god yes. I’ve taken them out to give DH some peace and quiet but it never seems to occur to him to reciprocate the favour! Another week left …

imalone2 · 30/12/2024 15:11

@RabbitsEatPancakes omg , what empathy. Sorry to break the news to you , I’ve 3 way older kids than the op and actually I find it harder than when they were small for plenty of reasons. Also the op like many of us has no help ever.
Op I hear you , what I do is (especially at their ages which is easier ) put them to bed early as possible and have a bath , make some nice food . Or at the weekend , get your dh to take over , my dh and I regularly swap over. It is exhausting worse childcare or work with no break in between.

OriginalUsername2 · 30/12/2024 15:17

RabbitsEatPancakes · 30/12/2024 14:23

I'd think 5 and 7 for a week is pretty easy tbh unless SEN. Have you taken them out every day, planned some small activities to keep them busy?
Have you never had to have them for a school holiday before?
I'm 35weeks pregnant with a 2 and 5yr old, my other half is working away so I can sympathise about no time to yourself but with those ages I'd assume they can play or entertain themselves for a while.

Did you miss all the last minute work that OP has been doing? She was mentally drained before the holidays even started. Kids on top of that, then Christmas expectations on top of that would melt my brain.

CuriousGeorge80 · 30/12/2024 15:24

This is a genuine question (as I realise it can sound twatty) but why have you taken them so your husband can play golf and have time out, while you have had none? Why hasn't he taken them in return?

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/12/2024 15:25

Another upvote for 'WTF hasn't your DH offered you the same as he gets?'

Balancedcitizen101 · 30/12/2024 15:36

I can't relate but we'll done on getting another job quickly, that must have been hard. I don't blame you for feeling stretched. All I can suggest is that DH does a little more with them. If he has time to play golf at Christmas then he has time to look after his two young kids.

devilspawn · 30/12/2024 15:36

catsbookschaos · 30/12/2024 15:10

Oh god yes. I’ve taken them out to give DH some peace and quiet but it never seems to occur to him to reciprocate the favour! Another week left …

You need to both agree the details of the swap upfront.

Strawbsss · 30/12/2024 15:41

RabbitsEatPancakes · 30/12/2024 14:23

I'd think 5 and 7 for a week is pretty easy tbh unless SEN. Have you taken them out every day, planned some small activities to keep them busy?
Have you never had to have them for a school holiday before?
I'm 35weeks pregnant with a 2 and 5yr old, my other half is working away so I can sympathise about no time to yourself but with those ages I'd assume they can play or entertain themselves for a while.

I have three kids, oldest is 11 and has special needs and I can assure you that my 5 and 7 year olds are the HARDEST.

They bicker and fight from the moment their eyes open until they close.

They really are not 'easy' by any stretch.
I'm a teacher and know how to keep kids occupied and manage behaviour at the best of time... but they are difficult.

godmum56 · 30/12/2024 15:49

catsbookschaos · 30/12/2024 15:10

Oh god yes. I’ve taken them out to give DH some peace and quiet but it never seems to occur to him to reciprocate the favour! Another week left …

then TELL him

DelphiniumBlue · 30/12/2024 15:51

DH needs to step up and make sure you get some time out.
Also, start getting kids into an early bedtime routine so you get a semblance of an evening, and do all chores while they are up ( they can help). Don't spend your free time doing housework.
You could institute a quiet bathtime for yourself, and book into a regular yoga class or two. If DH wants to play golf or exercise, he's going to need to get you the same amount of free time.

catsbookschaos · 30/12/2024 16:07

godmum56 · 30/12/2024 15:49

then TELL him

Show quote history

What tends to happen is that he faffs and arses around so much that by the time they are ready to go out it isn’t worth it. We mostly tag team and take a child each, but he’s had some time to himself this holiday which I haven’t. Still, only a few days left now.

godmum56 · 30/12/2024 16:11

catsbookschaos · 30/12/2024 16:07

What tends to happen is that he faffs and arses around so much that by the time they are ready to go out it isn’t worth it. We mostly tag team and take a child each, but he’s had some time to himself this holiday which I haven’t. Still, only a few days left now.

Show quote history

Take yourself out and leave him with them at home...no faffing, no arsing. Coat on out the door....ok its not ideal but better than no time to yourself?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 30/12/2024 16:14

You have a DH problem.

Fucking golf?

Call in sick tomorrow and have him handle the kids all day.

Original poster
DrRichardWebber · 30/12/2024 16:20

To answer the question about why he has had time…

He has been working from home. I technically don’t have a job at the moment so I’m free to take them out all day. We’ve done farm parks and swimming and London and visited family and soft plays. But within the course of his fairly relaxed working day (due to the Christmas period) he has been able to do things like go for a run and pop for 9 holes of golf. If it was me working from home I would be doing the same.

But now I’m at this point, especially after coming off a stressful December being made redundant, where I need not to be followed around being asked for snacks and drinks and cuddles. I need to sit by myself and watch something adult on TV with a coffee. And do some exercise.

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 30/12/2024 16:23

DrRichardWebber · 30/12/2024 16:20

To answer the question about why he has had time…

He has been working from home. I technically don’t have a job at the moment so I’m free to take them out all day. We’ve done farm parks and swimming and London and visited family and soft plays. But within the course of his fairly relaxed working day (due to the Christmas period) he has been able to do things like go for a run and pop for 9 holes of golf. If it was me working from home I would be doing the same.

But now I’m at this point, especially after coming off a stressful December being made redundant, where I need not to be followed around being asked for snacks and drinks and cuddles. I need to sit by myself and watch something adult on TV with a coffee. And do some exercise.

But why is he using his breaks in this way?

If his working day is relaxed enough to enable him to take this sort of time off, he should be using it to pull his weight at home and give you a break.

You must not start your new job completely burnt out because you haven't had a break.

Tell him. Tomorrow, he pulls his weight. New Year's Day, the kids are his responsibility, you will not be moving from the sofa.

Eldermillennial2024 · 30/12/2024 16:27

why can't you go for a run before he starts work?

if you're putting the kids to bed he should cook

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