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Original poster

How can I 'police' what kids are drinking at a party?

59 replies

CowgirlKix · 29/12/2024 22:42

Have agreed that our DS16 can have some mates round in new years eve - probably about a dozen of them.

They're all good kids (girls and boys) and lately they have been having get togethers/parties at each other's houses and alcohol has been involved.

Not too many stories about bad behaviour (although I'm sure DS doesn't tell me everything!) but I'm comfortable enough with his decision making and the low level experimentation that's going on with booze.

However, I'm nervous about having his friends at ours as whilst we'll provide some drinks, i think they will bring there own as well.

As the responsible adults hiw do me and OH 'police' (for want of a better word) how much is consumed and keep everyone safe?

OP posts:

Purgepossessions2025 · 29/12/2024 22:45

My DC went to loads of house parties at 16 they said policing alcohol was a lost cause.

The kids have ways and means.

So long as you don’t supply any alcohol what they manage to sneak in themselves is not on you. Don’t supply underage children with alcohol they will bring their own.

LittleRedRidingHoody · 29/12/2024 22:47

I'd buy lots of lower alcohol beer/cocktail cans and put a ban on BYO to avoid any hard spirits being brought in. Get your DS to pass on the word that anyone clearly drunk/drinking smuggled in drinks will be asked to leave.

Also buy lots of soft drinks, waters and 0% alcohol drinks that look similar to the alcoholic brands you have (so if anyone wants to drink less, they won't feel as self conscious!)

TheaBrandt · 29/12/2024 22:48

Was very aware of my liability. Provided lots of soft drinks. Went in every hour to check everyone ok. If anyone visibly drunk rang their parents to collect. To be fair the kids had already rung the parents mum of a very drunk girl themselves (local head teachers daughter 😀)

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TheaBrandt · 29/12/2024 22:49

Yes lots of low alcohol that looks like alcohol

hopeishere · 29/12/2024 22:50

I provided the equivalent of two drinks per person but they brought loads with them (wine, vodka). I checked in a few times when it was too noisy.

But unless you're checking bags and confiscating it i'd say it's a lost cause. None of them appeared to be horrendously drunk. One was sick outside though.

I also provided crisps and pizza to soak things up.

hopeishere · 29/12/2024 22:52

We also found that they started loads of drinks took a few sips and abandoned it so the clearing up involved pouring lots down the sink!!

Nomorecoconutboosts · 29/12/2024 23:12

I don’t supply as such but I do give 2-3 cans of cocktail (around 4%) to my dd who is ‘hosting’ and she seems to then get others to bring similar for themselves. Some of the boys seem to bring cans of beer.
we had 3 parties when she was around 16/17. We have had the odd bottle of vodka etc brought in. If it’s one bottle between 15 of them then I don’t get too anxious.

I stay on the premises. I order dominos for them and have snacks done in the air fryer. I’m around in the kitchen which is a deterrent for any really bad behaviour but tend to leave them to it in the living room. If you are lucky there will be one or two sensible ones who won’t like the taste or prefer soft drinks and they will help ‘police’ it. One girl got woozy on Malibu and called her dad to collect her.

They are going to drink anyway, I’d rather it was somewhere safe with adults on call if needed. If I said no she’d just go off to the park or someone else’s house.At this stage of their lives I kind of think it’s keeping a good relationship with them and being a safe person for them to still talk to.

Original poster

CowgirlKix · 29/12/2024 23:15

We were planning on providing some booze (ciders WKDs etc) as well as lots of soft drinks etc but I don't want them drinking hard spirits etc.

I might threaten them when they arrive by telling them if anyone acts like a dick, I will post photos of said dickishness all over their social media! They're teenagers - that would be a good deterrent I think! 🤣

OP posts:

Eggseggslegs · 29/12/2024 23:27

I had a firm rule of no spirits, no smoking/vapes and they respected that.

Supersoakers · 29/12/2024 23:29

I wouldn’t buy booze for underage kids.

2chocolateoranges · 29/12/2024 23:36

Supersoakers · 29/12/2024 23:29

I wouldn’t buy booze for underage kids.

I’d much rather buy my 16/17ytr olds alcohol and at least I know what they are drinking than them getting someone else to buy them stuff and I don’t know what they have drank.

we allowed ours to have alcohol eg a couple of beers or alcopops from them being 16 nearly 17 and both have a healthy attitude towards drinking, I’ve seen both tipsy but never seen them falling about drunk.

CissOff · 29/12/2024 23:39

We did mostly BYO and we would provide the soft drinks. I’d always make sure there were various carbs/crisps/sweets out for people to graze on to try and help with the alcohol absorption. Most went in the bin but it made me feel like I was trying!

Check on them regularly and have a midnight cut off (maybe later for NYE) but make sure it’s enforced.

Bigbus · 29/12/2024 23:49

I think just being around (even upstairs but they know you are there) makes a difference. Sometimes I’ll do door duty so I’ve
said hello to all of them as they’ve come in but I don’t search them or anything. I also sometimes make a punch with some white wine then loads of fruit juice and lemonade so in the end it’s probably only about 4%. As pp said - lots seems to get abandoned in half-drunk cups. I also pop down once or twice just to check how things are going. DD18 doesn’t drink though so that adds a level of reassurance although her friends certainly do I know at least that she’s still going to have some sense!

Endofyear · 29/12/2024 23:54

I'd pop down and check on them every hour or so and if anyone seems properly drunk, call parents to come and get them. Provide pizza and chicken strips to soak up the alcohol and plenty of soft drinks. Make sure DS knows beer and cider is ok but not spirits and that you will remove any spirits from anyone who brings it.

justasking111 · 29/12/2024 23:58

Confiscated alcohol brought in. Check the garden for stuff hidden on the way in. Stick around upstairs. Pop down now and again. Get all parents contact numbers. Say you'll phone parents if they get drunk and mean it.

ClareBaldingsChinWhiskers · 30/12/2024 00:00

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Babymamamama · 30/12/2024 00:00

I am baffled you would provide any alcohol.

JaninaDuszejko · 30/12/2024 00:05

How timely, I currently have a teenage party going on downstairs. We've supplied bottles of Smirnoff Ice and VK along with lots of soft drinks and fed them a proper meal. They are nice kids and they are loud and chatty but not drunk, barely tipsy TBH. I'd far rather they were safely drinking here with responsible adults around to watch out for them than out on the streets. They'll be able to buy drink legally in less than a year, much better that they have a bit of experience of alcohol before then. And they are not underage to drink in a private property.

littleluncheon · 30/12/2024 00:11

I definitely wouldn't be supplying anyone else's kids with alcohol, not sure why you would?

Maybe give your own child a couple of drinks if you want him to stick to that but you know his friends will be bringing their own so why give them more? Seems like asking for trouble.

Provide some soft drinks and you could have a cans only rule.

suki1964 · 30/12/2024 00:48

Personally, I would say only alcopops/lager/cider to be brought along - no spirits at all, certainly nothing stronger then 4%

Get the carb heavy food in, pop your head in every now and then, if you see hard spirits, lift them and say not part of the deal, and make sure your child knows that he is responsible for having contact numbers of NOK/Responsible adult for every guest coming

Im from the generation where we were practically feral, parents would go out and leave us too it, and many a night was spent talking to the big white phone so whilst I dont have children, I do have grandchildren and Im pretty protective around them, allowing them to experiment but always there, putting the rules in place and making sure I stick to them. If I flinch, they will push the boundaries

TheaBrandt · 30/12/2024 07:49

I only agreed to it as this group had had similar parties at others houses that were fine.

Insist on a closed group chat party. They will know what that means. The only party that went seriously wrong was Dd2S ampeople pleaser friend who wasn’t firm about her invites and had a random large party for 14 year olds. Despite the parents being there it got out of control and needed police involvement.

Branster · 30/12/2024 08:27

I wouldn't provide any kind of alcohol whatsoever. They will definitely sort that out themselves.
But make sure there is plenty of food around and soft drinks. Also check on them at random times to keep an eye on things. Have a spare room ready for that one girl that will be drinking too much. In my experience, they really do look out for each other and if there are any issues, they would have dealt with them before you hear about it (called a parent to collect a drunk teenager for example).
Have bin liners and a mop ready for them to tidy up in the morning.
You need to be on standby (no drinking for you), in case you need to drive any of them somewhere.

Original poster

CowgirlKix · 30/12/2024 15:37

There's some great advice on here, so thank you very much! We've been shopping - bought loads of soft drinks, a little bit of booze (no spirits etc) and lots of carby food for them.

It'll be OK, won't it? 🤣

And for those pearl-clutching and telling me they'd never buy booze for underage kids, frankly they will try and find ways to drink anyway - i know I did at 16. At least they'll all be here under my roof where I can keep an eye on things and intervene/help if anyone's going over the top. I know what I'd rather!

OP posts:

Mrsttcno1 · 30/12/2024 15:42

CowgirlKix · 30/12/2024 15:37

There's some great advice on here, so thank you very much! We've been shopping - bought loads of soft drinks, a little bit of booze (no spirits etc) and lots of carby food for them.

It'll be OK, won't it? 🤣

I don’t think anyone is bothered about you buying your OWN kids alcohol, thats your decision as a parent to make, but you really cannot and should not be buying or providing any alcohol to someone’s ELSE’s underage kids unless all parents have clearly and explicitly said that they are happy for you to do that.

TheTigerWhoCameToEatMyArsehole · 30/12/2024 15:44

Doesn't anyone remember the days before mobile phones getting drunk in a field or park somewhere with alcohol bought by a random passer by ? 😂 op this sounds responsible to me. I remember one of the kids one New Year's party jumping in the pond after nicking all the adults beers. The 90s were good times I miss it.

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