How can I 'police' what kids are drinking at a party?

[CowgirlKix]

Have agreed that our DS16 can have some mates round in new years eve - probably about a dozen of them.

They're all good kids (girls and boys) and lately they have been having get togethers/parties at each other's houses and alcohol has been involved.

Not too many stories about bad behaviour (although I'm sure DS doesn't tell me everything!) but I'm comfortable enough with his decision making and the low level experimentation that's going on with booze.

However, I'm nervous about having his friends at ours as whilst we'll provide some drinks, i think they will bring there own as well.

As the responsible adults hiw do me and OH 'police' (for want of a better word) how much is consumed and keep everyone safe?

I understand that it's legal for my under 18 Yr old child to drink alcohol that I have handed her in our home. I'm breaking the law afaik by buying her a can to take with her to consume outside of my home, and I'd be breaking the law I thought by supplying other minors with alcohol in my home

I think it really does depend on the child and thier group of friends.
DS1 has just turned 18 and never had a drink. Just not interested at all - doesnt even like fizzy drinks
DD is 16 and in 6th form so many of her friends have turned 17. We held a halloween party for her and 25 friends. I provided a couple of bottles sourz for DD to share with everyone and gave her some 4% cocktail cans for herself. I know other brought beer and other drinks. I provided lots of soft drinks and snacks.
her group of friends are fairly good kids. A couple brought us hosting gofts such as boxed of chocolates etc and several stayed behind to help DD clear up and she had lots of offers the mext day to help with any cleaning etc. they were noisy doing karaoke. But the oarty finished at midnight.

they dont have parties very often. Maybe one a month or two. One of the boys is hosting a NYE party at his house. I think all us parents are of the mindset that at least they are doing it somewhere safe.

DD tells me about what goes on, some of her friends dont drink etc so I am happy to give her some freedom. If she is going to be home later than 10:30ish i will go and collect her and often give friends lifts home too.

I might let my own kid have/take some drinks to a party but I'd find it a bit weird and appropriate if another parent then decided to give him more alcohol.
It just doesn't seem necessary?

You know they will be drinking and bringing their own booze or sharing between them so no need to be the cool mum handing out alco pops.
Providing a safe environment so they're not down the park is great but an adult giving other people's teens alcohol isn't. I think it crosses a line.
Other parents might have agreed with their kids that they can take x amount with them, then you're giving them more.

I wouldn't buy alcohol for other people's kids. However good the kids are I wouldn't want to risk something bad happening as a result of me buying them alcohol. It might be unlikely but I wouldn't want to risk it.

You can host a great party but not actually buy the kids alcohol. If they buy their own then that's up to them.

Hope the night went well OP!

It's virtually impossible to police - because if they are determined enough, they will find a way. In my experience, the best thing to do is talk about 'know your limits' and encourage them to manage it themselves responsibly. Talk about how many drinks an inexperienced drinker will need to feel intoxicated (very little). It's good preparation for post 18 life as from what I've seen, those that had the strictest parents as teens were the craziest when they had their first taste of freedom.

It's interesting that most people here wouldn't buy alcohol for other children, I suspect that might not be representative in the same way threads about adult drinking seem to have either people who drink a sherry on Christmas Day only or people who drink two bottles of wine every night.

DD1's friends started having alcohol at 16th birthday parties. Some parents refused to buy alcohol, some supplied it and some said if they wanted to drink they had to take their own so the parents knew the other parents were happy with it. Everyone seemed happy with the different rules and not all of them drank anyway. And not every get together had alcohol, mainly the birthday parties so only a few a year. So more of a mix than the thread suggests.

I'm a teacher and Mum of 4. I never bought alcohol for any child at gatherings at our home. Can you imagine the fallout? I would leave myself open to being struck off the register of teachers. If there was any alcohol related accident or incident then I would be "teacher supplied booze to children at her home"! My kids didn't like my stance but that wasn't go to change my mind. My house my rules, if their friends bought and drunk booze their own parents had bought then that wasn't on me in the same way.

I'm hyper aware of a level of liability, but also think a degree of that also falls to the parents in question who should have a good idea I would have thought, that if their 16yo is going to a NYE house party, they're probably not going to be having jelly and ice cream along with a glass of pop

That’s exactly what I would have thought if my kids went to a NYE party. We hosted one ourselves one year and I can guarantee you there was no alcohol supplied or ‘smuggled in’. It’s not a fait accompli that they will drink no matter what which is the cover story for poor parenting. And yes, I have been there, done that, several times.