Do some parents secretly desire their children not to move away to preserve family bonds especially in old age?

[mids2019]

I have had a conversation with someone recently and was surprised that they held some reluctance to their child moving to London for university as they foresaw that the child may get a job in the capital and in future they would be living in locations 200 miles apart.

I think the parent was taken between looking to stifling their child's future but having a genuine concern that as they aged and their children started a family etc. There was a real prospect of loneliness or logistic challenges to maintain family bonds e.g. provide child care.

Now having seen this view I see it within my extended family with children going to local universities and looking to live in the same area and I think secretly this does gives parents some satisfaction.

How many parents do harbour that desire that their children remain local so that they can see grand children and possibly have a support source when aging? How important are these bonds and are they worth sacrificing career opportunities for?

I want my children to spread their wings we live in a deprived city and it does not benefit them to stay. I would still like to be close by to support them.

@Boredfedupnomotivation

Probably because she wanted something different.

I grew up in very dull suburbia. Small minded, few opportunities, traffic and boredom and 9-5 or 2.4 and a dog. It was suffocating.

I wanted space and beauty and green fields and hills and fresh air. I wanted a career, not a little job filing or working in a shop. So I left too. It's not unusual.

I suspect where parents do hope their children will care for them in old age its down to fear of the alternative and lack of understanding about the reality of being a carer.

I don’t think it’s even about being a carer but just shout having someone to check in, advocate for them etc. one of my parents had a hospital stay this year & I helped some of the other patients eat or drink as stuff was left in front of them but they can’t necessarily reach it.

Yes, but how do you weigh that against living somewhere exciting and vibrant with all kinds of different types of people and opportunities where a fulfilling job in a niche industry is available etc etc? I certainly chose the latter and remain fond of, and close to, my parents and siblings, though we don’t live in the same country.

Yes, absolutely. I moved away myself but definitely wish I was closer to my parents now in order to support them this way- its tricky at a distance!

@Boredfedupnomotivation maybe she felt stifled, maybe she wanted to see somewhere new? Do you have children? How would you feel if they moved away?

I remember a young woman moving into a house near me when I lived in a new estate. She told me her mother was distraught that she had moved away from home. She had moved 5 miles away from her mum!

We live in a lovely place close to major cities in the midlands but right on the countryside too. Can easily commute to larger places.
It just felt strange to us and we all enjoy seeing each other whereas she wanted to be away from us all.
She now lives a very isolated existence living in the middle of nowhere about 45 mins from here. She has a standard job and cats.
I have 2 children whilst I hope do well in life but I would be lying if I said i wouldn't mind only seeing them now and again if they lived far away.

I moved away in my twenties, but we live a few streets away from my mother in law and also my brother in law.

We’re in London. It’s not held either of us back career wise, and my kids have a wonderful relationship with their extended family. When they were small it was also a god send for babysitting.

I doubt very much we will be able to continue for another generation though as my children are priced out of living near home so that hand is forced.