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Sister going on funeral 'jolly'

66 replies

ItoldyouIwassick · 28/12/2024 00:46

My sister is going to our uncle's funeral. It's a long train journey away so she's seeing it as a holiday, going for 2 nights, to a "lovely air bnb with a hot tub. Might as well have 2 nights as it's so cheap this time of year!"

Where it gets weirder, we really didn't know the uncle at all. Met him maybe twice, briefly, in our lives as children. She's taking her daughter, who never met the man, out of school for that time along with her DH who will take time off work, who also never met our uncle. She's said the absence has been authorised by the school, but I can't imagine how. Her daughter is the sort of child who can't hold her own water, so any fibs would just not hold.

They're not terribly well off, so missing work, potential fines for absence seem really daft to me. None of my business of course, but it just seems insane. Why not just have a weekend away if you really want one?

She tried to do the same for another uncle's funeral a few weeks ago. We were much closer to him so I offered to drive (she had an injury that meant she couldnt drive at that time) so her DH didn't need to drive and could look after their daughter so she wouldn't miss school. She accepted, only to turn me down the next day as she 'remembered' she had a work thing she couldn't miss on the afternoon we'd travel (I was taking our elderly parents the evening before as funeral was first thing in the morning, a couple of hundred miles away) So she came, alone, on the train in the morning instead.

But now she's finally getting her family fun funeral jolly. Whatever floats your morbid holiday boat, I guess. Just had to share the weirdness of it all.

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 28/12/2024 00:51

Headteachers are able to authorise an absence at their own discretion. It’s not that odd that a school would authorise an absence for the funeral of a family member. To receive a fine an absence would need to be for 5+ days and it would have to be unauthorised. Nobody is going to get a fine for a 2 day absence to attend a family members funeral.

NobleDeeds · 28/12/2024 00:52

But her daughter doesn’t have to lie. She’s missing school for a relative’s funeral.

Lavender14 · 28/12/2024 00:53

NobleDeeds · 28/12/2024 00:52

But her daughter doesn’t have to lie. She’s missing school for a relative’s funeral.

Yeah she's maybe utilising it a bit to be able to get an off peak break. But the dd will be getting permission for a funeral that's not untrue.

ShortyShorts · 28/12/2024 00:55

You say "Where it gets weirder", but the first bit wasn't weird at all. She's right about going for two nights if it's cheaper and she's looking forward to the hot tub etc.

The fact she doesn't really know him is weird though.

Is she just looking forward to catching up with other family members?

With far fewer weddings nowadays, funerals are often where people tend to catch up.

ChristmasGrinch24 · 28/12/2024 00:58

Sorry but this post made me laugh.

Funeral jolly.

pizzaHeart · 28/12/2024 01:05

She probably wants to see other relatives.
Ime her views and feelings about relatives might be very different from yours despite you being sisters and even if you’re close in age.

Plonkin · 28/12/2024 01:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ItoldyouIwassick · 28/12/2024 01:11

ShortyShorts · 28/12/2024 00:55

You say "Where it gets weirder", but the first bit wasn't weird at all. She's right about going for two nights if it's cheaper and she's looking forward to the hot tub etc.

The fact she doesn't really know him is weird though.

Is she just looking forward to catching up with other family members?

With far fewer weddings nowadays, funerals are often where people tend to catch up.

No, she'll know no other people there, apart from the cousin who came with uncle to his sister's funeral about 5 years ago. I remember meeting her once aged about 8 other than that. My sister is younger so not sure she'd remember that time. She seemed nice enough, but in all honesty I know my next door neighbours better.

OP posts:
ItoldyouIwassick · 28/12/2024 01:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

No, never posted before. She told me the details last night. I just found it odd. But going on the comments so far, she may be on to something.

OP posts:
Ginkypig · 28/12/2024 01:36

The concept of adding an extra night isn’t odd neither is taking the family as it’s separate from the funeral really and only connected in so much as they are going to be in that area so She can attend a funeral. So what has happened is she has decided to attend a funeral then thought I’m having to travel a long way and the place im looking at is good value due to the time of year so maybe we should just add on a little break too.

its a bit weird she has decided to go to the funeral but it is still a relative so it’s not like she just picked a person out the funeral notices.

to be honest though I don’t understand why they didn’t just decide to go on a 2 night holiday instead but I suppose it didn’t occur to them until she was searching for accommodation for the stay to attend in the first place.

difficultpeople · 28/12/2024 01:47

It's not that hard to understand? She wouldn't get an authorized absence from the school for a holiday, but she has for a funeral. I always think it's sad when people have hardly any relatives or friends at their funeral, maybe because they were old and don't get out much or the funeral is a long way away and people CBA with the hassle of attending for someone they weren't that close to. She's a relative and she wants to go to the funeral, only a miserable judgemental fucker would have a problem with that. If the funeral then also becomes an opportunity for a mini-break, who cares? She's hurting nobody.

ItoldyouIwassick · 28/12/2024 02:26

difficultpeople · 28/12/2024 01:47

It's not that hard to understand? She wouldn't get an authorized absence from the school for a holiday, but she has for a funeral. I always think it's sad when people have hardly any relatives or friends at their funeral, maybe because they were old and don't get out much or the funeral is a long way away and people CBA with the hassle of attending for someone they weren't that close to. She's a relative and she wants to go to the funeral, only a miserable judgemental fucker would have a problem with that. If the funeral then also becomes an opportunity for a mini-break, who cares? She's hurting nobody.

If it's all perfectly normal to attend a funeral of a relative you met once and dont know others attending, and take your child out of school to do so, for the second time in a term, for a mini-break hot tub experience, so be it, I'm in the wrong.

Just think it's a weird thing to teach your kid, that school can be ditched for the most tenuous of reasons, whenever you feel like and because, HOT TUB.

OP posts:
Nerdlings · 28/12/2024 02:30

Why is it bothering you so much? It doesn’t affect you at all.

ItoldyouIwassick · 28/12/2024 02:39

Nerdlings · 28/12/2024 02:30

Why is it bothering you so much? It doesn’t affect you at all.

You're right, it's not about the funeral, I now see that. I just despise my sister, for many other valid reasons.

OP posts:
Nerdlings · 28/12/2024 02:43

ItoldyouIwassick · 28/12/2024 02:39

You're right, it's not about the funeral, I now see that. I just despise my sister, for many other valid reasons.

Then it might be best to focus on those reasons rather than get het up about things that really don’t matter.

Bristolgirl1992 · 28/12/2024 02:45

Hey all - thanks for reading. ❤️
I have a nearly 8 month old and am a pretty busy mum (aren’t we all) what I mean is I’m always on the go, we don’t sit around much and are out most days. I go to the gym HIT sessions 3 times per week and we go on walks some days. Whilst my partner helps here and there I’m a bit of a control freak due to anxiety meaning I usually do things myself as it’s “easier” all round. I do get the odd hour to myself for a bath or sauna so lucky in that respect.
My problem is I’m finding it hard to sleep… I should be and am deep down shattered but I can’t and when I do I’m having really bad nightmares, waking up in panic or sweats which leads me to being awake again - then up early etc..
I’ve noticed an increase in anxiety regarding death lately which is out of the blue and I have zero sex drive, would say my mind races a lot and I can’t relax!
Does this sound like burn out??? Any tips?
It’s worrying me a bit as I don’t want to slip into depression or worsen any anxiety! X

Nerdlings · 28/12/2024 02:47

Bristolgirl1992 · 28/12/2024 02:45

Hey all - thanks for reading. ❤️
I have a nearly 8 month old and am a pretty busy mum (aren’t we all) what I mean is I’m always on the go, we don’t sit around much and are out most days. I go to the gym HIT sessions 3 times per week and we go on walks some days. Whilst my partner helps here and there I’m a bit of a control freak due to anxiety meaning I usually do things myself as it’s “easier” all round. I do get the odd hour to myself for a bath or sauna so lucky in that respect.
My problem is I’m finding it hard to sleep… I should be and am deep down shattered but I can’t and when I do I’m having really bad nightmares, waking up in panic or sweats which leads me to being awake again - then up early etc..
I’ve noticed an increase in anxiety regarding death lately which is out of the blue and I have zero sex drive, would say my mind races a lot and I can’t relax!
Does this sound like burn out??? Any tips?
It’s worrying me a bit as I don’t want to slip into depression or worsen any anxiety! X

You would probably be best starting your own thread.

Lavenderfarmcottage · 28/12/2024 02:51

I guess the funeral is an excuse to go on a cheap holiday. If it weren’t for the funeral, she wouldn’t be able to take her DD out of school. She had a legitimate excuse. It also works as it’s not like it’s a funeral they’ll be too upset afterwards from.

It is a bit weird but your Sister sounds broke and fun - like a character from Motherland.

Lavenderfarmcottage · 28/12/2024 02:55

maybe despising your sister isn’t about her flaws but your own flaws. Maybe you need to be more open hearted and minded.

If your sister is a horrible person then that’s a whole other thread.

RedHelenB · 28/12/2024 03:47

difficultpeople · 28/12/2024 01:47

It's not that hard to understand? She wouldn't get an authorized absence from the school for a holiday, but she has for a funeral. I always think it's sad when people have hardly any relatives or friends at their funeral, maybe because they were old and don't get out much or the funeral is a long way away and people CBA with the hassle of attending for someone they weren't that close to. She's a relative and she wants to go to the funeral, only a miserable judgemental fucker would have a problem with that. If the funeral then also becomes an opportunity for a mini-break, who cares? She's hurting nobody.

This. At least she's bothering to attend a relatives funeral

CorvusPurpureus · 28/12/2024 04:04

If she's a bit skint, then a 2 night break at a cheap time of year might look really appealing.

But then she'd get fined by school.

Serendipitous funeral gets around that neatly.

If when I pop my clogs, some distant niece or nephew blags a cheeky family break out of it, I'd be amused <in a ghostly fashion obvs>.

You dislike your sister & that's fine, whatever. But she's not hurting your uncle or anyone else.

ShortyShorts · 28/12/2024 10:45

ItoldyouIwassick · 28/12/2024 02:39

You're right, it's not about the funeral, I now see that. I just despise my sister, for many other valid reasons.

Ahh ok, and we were all supposed to join in with a massive bitch fest?

I still think the only weird part about it is that she didn't really know him.

Nothing wrong with the Air BnB etc.

Ginkypig · 28/12/2024 10:50

ItoldyouIwassick · 28/12/2024 02:39

You're right, it's not about the funeral, I now see that. I just despise my sister, for many other valid reasons.

Well what’s the fucking point of the thread then. People take the time to reply with the info they have been given.

waste of time.

if you want advice on the true situation start a thread about it don’t lure in people thinking your going to get a good thread going to slate your sister.

this whole thing says way more about you than her! Or maybe you know that now as you haven’t been getting the responses you obviously wanted and expected.

ItoldyouIwassick · 28/12/2024 11:04

Ginkypig · 28/12/2024 10:50

Well what’s the fucking point of the thread then. People take the time to reply with the info they have been given.

waste of time.

if you want advice on the true situation start a thread about it don’t lure in people thinking your going to get a good thread going to slate your sister.

this whole thing says way more about you than her! Or maybe you know that now as you haven’t been getting the responses you obviously wanted and expected.

That response says quite a lot about you. Why be abusive to a stranger on a thread?

I wasn't ever asking for advice. I was saying I found what she was doing really odd. Which I still do. It is fucking odd to drag your child out of school to go to a funeral of someone none of knew. For the second time in a few months. Having already had a holiday in the summer.

Maybe we should just all pull our kids out of school every 5 minutes to sit in hot tubs. Obviously hasn't done anyone on this thread any harm. I'll just agree to disagree with you and your unpleasantness.

OP posts:
zingally · 28/12/2024 11:21

I'd be very, very surprised if a family funeral wasn't authorised.

For what it's worth, my family and I did the same for the funeral of a very elderly great-aunt. It's hard to be sad over the death of a 97yo, who until about two months before her death was still living independently in her own home, and sharp as a tack.

We used the opportunity to catch up with extended family - we all went out for a jolly meal together the night before, and again the night of, then the day after we had a jolly round the nearby city. We made a little mini-break of it, and like to think that great-aunt would have been completely approving.

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