Sister going on funeral 'jolly'

[ItoldyouIwassick]

My sister is going to our uncle's funeral. It's a long train journey away so she's seeing it as a holiday, going for 2 nights, to a "lovely air bnb with a hot tub. Might as well have 2 nights as it's so cheap this time of year!"

Where it gets weirder, we really didn't know the uncle at all. Met him maybe twice, briefly, in our lives as children. She's taking her daughter, who never met the man, out of school for that time along with her DH who will take time off work, who also never met our uncle. She's said the absence has been authorised by the school, but I can't imagine how. Her daughter is the sort of child who can't hold her own water, so any fibs would just not hold.

They're not terribly well off, so missing work, potential fines for absence seem really daft to me. None of my business of course, but it just seems insane. Why not just have a weekend away if you really want one?

She tried to do the same for another uncle's funeral a few weeks ago. We were much closer to him so I offered to drive (she had an injury that meant she couldnt drive at that time) so her DH didn't need to drive and could look after their daughter so she wouldn't miss school. She accepted, only to turn me down the next day as she 'remembered' she had a work thing she couldn't miss on the afternoon we'd travel (I was taking our elderly parents the evening before as funeral was first thing in the morning, a couple of hundred miles away) So she came, alone, on the train in the morning instead.

But now she's finally getting her family fun funeral jolly. Whatever floats your morbid holiday boat, I guess. Just had to share the weirdness of it all.

No, it's was me being sarcastic, which i shouldn'thave been, apologies. I have an opinion on this and am asked why I'm so her up about it. I'm not. I just think it's weird.

She didn't know the uncle and knows nobody else at the funeral. She's taking her daughter out of school for the second time this term, they've had a summer holiday and numerous other breaks throughout the year. She's teaching her daughter school doesn't matter on the very shaky pretext of going to a funeral of someone you have no real connection to. I feel that's not just weird, it's harmful and irresponsible But yes, totally her choice, and yours to think it's perfectly acceptable.

I went to an old friend's funeral earlier this year and combined it with a three night break in an AirBNB, it's what she would have wanted.

This smacks of jealousy to be honest. Just get over it OP, it's not that hard to understand the hows and whys of her decision. What's more difficult to understand is why you're so bothered.

Some people do enjoy funerals. Especially when they’re for people they didn’t know well, because then they’re not so upsetting. They enjoy the ceremony, the ritual, the sandwich and socialising in the pub afterwards, the reminiscing and nostalgia. The chance to dress smartly, maybe buy a new dress.

Wasn’t there an Alan Bennett Talking Heads play about a woman whose hobby was attending funerals? Yes it’s a bit odd, but I don’t think it’s all that uncommon.

Taking a child out of school without good reason is a separate issue. Depends on how old the child is - 5 is diffferent to 15.

It’s not odd at all. It would be odd if she knew the uncle well and was actually grieving but tried to make it into a holiday at the same time. But she didn’t know him, is going to the funeral anyway, and making the most of the opportunity and I would do the same.
I think your issue is really jealousy/envy or some other dynamic with your sister.

I feel that's not just weird, it's harmful and irresponsible But yes, totally her choice, and yours to think it's perfectly acceptable.

So passive aggressive aren't you? 🤣🤣

Nowhere have I said it's acceptable and you know that.

Her behaviour is strange but so is yours, to start a thread about something that's none of your business, just because you despise your sister.

@Ginkypig wasn't rude, they were bang on the money.

You sound jealous of your sister.

My sister did this but for our mother’s funeral. Treated it like a big holiday (she lives abroad). Sightseeing, the works.

Why are you getting your knickers in such a twist about this OP? What difference does it make to you?

My dad and my uncle used to go to funerals of people they barely knew.

They went for the food, the chat and to break up the long lonely days they had in their 80s.

I think they met with other old people doing the same thing.

No one ever questions the elderly at funerals and they were treated like royalty.

What I find strange is the OP talking about taking a child out of school 2 days after Christmas..... school holidays!

Its quite clear that this is purely about how much you hate your sister for whatever reason and also your neice, because tbh, I couldn't get worked up about it.
As far as weird behaviours go, this isnt that weird. People often want to get to know extended family here and there, and deaths in the family can really shake people up, even if they weren't close.

Your sister clearly wants to go show her respects to uncle, who although she doesn't know or didn't know well it's still family and a lot of people feel empathy
Just because you don't seem to give a crap doesn't mean your sister can't

Why does it matter as long as she attended the funeral?

Or is it that she didn't help out?

If she didn't because she was too busy sightseeing then I understand, but if she did her fair share then whatever else she chose to do is her business.

Does she get special leave to attend a funeral? If so perhaps she wants to take advantage of that and I can't say I blame her

Will she actually be at the funeral though? Even if she does makes perfect sense to make a short break with it, not hot tub though . I can't get too fussed about funerals and I've been to a fair few of close and distant relatives and friends, just sang froid.
But... It's up to your dsis, why are you bothered / interested / needing to have a dig? Oh, wait a moment you don't like her....

It sounds like your family is not a particularly close one. Maybe she is trying to improve that.

Also team sister.
She's broke and found a way to get a cheeky two nights away on the cheap.
Holidays and new experiences can be educational too. Getting away is important. 2 nights shouldn't be the be all and end all.

You sound totally jealous of your sister getting another (how very dare she!!!😂) holiday. You also sound judgemental and as if you can't accept people exist who have different viewpoints to you.

There's value in spending time with family, both immediate family and lesser known/new members, there's value in knowing how funerals work, there's value in seeing other areas of the country. All useful things for DC to experience. There's also value in marking someone's death and paying your respects, regardless of how close you were the blood ties were always there. You actually don't know how close your sister was to the deceased or other family. To assume you do is to assume you know all about her life and I'll bet you don't. I don't tell my judgemental family things either. She could have been connecting with these people online or by post for some time for all you know.

You're utterly obsessed and being disapproving due to DC having a few days off school, as if school is the be-all and end-all of everything. It isn't. A lot of things learned at school are of no use in life and utterly pointless. A few days away from it won't make any tangible difference to what is/isn't learned anyway.

It is actually a good and useful lesson to teach DC that we shouldn't sacrifice our beliefs and all that we are on the alter of school or work, that other things hold equal importance and should sometimes be prioritized.

You're bristling with indignation about the choices someone else is making in their life for their family. You wonder why your sister didn't travel down with you to the last funeral - I don't. I'm sure she knows just how you feel and would far rather have enjoyed her train journey alone than suffer a car journey with your negative vibes. You actually sound pleased that you cowed her into not taking a short break with her family last time! By saying to drive so leaving her with "no valid reason" in your eyes, to do so. I feel sorry for you sister that she didn't feel able to stand up to you about that and do what suited her and her family. It's literally nothing to do with you what she does or when. You need to get yourself a hobby and stop concerning yourself with other people's business.

You have posted this on someone else's thread about going to a funeral. You need to start a new thread of your own.

I don't think what your sister is doing is strange at all.

Look at the bigger reasons why you have a problem with her and deal with those. This particular situation is a non issue.

I wouldn’t get wound up by this, she’s a little unusual that’s it I guess.

It’s not the second time in a term….its one absence in January and one absence a few months ago. A term is 6 weeks so they’ll be zero fine and 2 days here and there isn’t the end of the world. You need to calm down about this

Why do you care? She wants a couple of nights away she’s perhaps doing it in an odd way, it’s cheap so perhaps she thinks kill 2 birds with one stone…

Presumably she going to support your parents? Assuming one of them has lost a sibling.
It’s maybe a bit odd the DH and DC going if they’ve never met the uncle, but not odd for your sister to go.