Why is privacy/ discretion so important to people?

[TotoroFTW]

Preface: I have autism.

Can anyone explain why privacy is so important to people? For example, why do people not want others to know their salary, their health details, or who they're voting for, for example?

If someone asks me any of those things, I just tell them. My reasoning: life's too short and I have nothing to hide. However, when this happens, others will say that I should keep such information private.

I'd be keen to hear people's thoughts/ anecdotes

Because I don’t want people forming judgements about me, or behaving differently towards me, based on this kind of information.

Hi - I have autism too 👋

I totally get where you are coming from. Generally speaking if I get a straightforward question I give a straightforward answer. It often seems people go all around the houses and tie themselves in knots rather than just a simple answer.

However, I think there are times that nasty people can use certain things about you against you. For that reason I think I am more cautious about what I say if I don't know the person well.

I don't think that is on to encourage her to do something that isn't sensible when she has just explained that she finds it hard to understand what she shouldn't due to her autism.

I'm not sure why this has turned into a targeted attack on me when this thread asks for a general discussion on the topic?

Perhaps those telling me to doxx myself could set up their own thread to do so?

For what it's worth, I'm not anonymous online. My Twitter has my real name and photo, as well as posts about where I work.

Mumsnet is built to be anonymous, so I'm just trying to fit in with the decorum here! Apologies if I got it wrong!

Talking about money leads to jealousy, asking for 'loans', expecting particular people to pay, or sometimes worse refusing to let people pay.

Who you voted for is an argument waiting to happen unless you are political twins.

Health details, pity, disbelief, mawkish interest, best left alone.

@ThisNiftyTraybake you might think you are being very clever but you are being spiteful. OP has asked a straightforward question about something she finds hard to understand. She has said she has autism. And you answer it by asking another question and implying things. This is why autistic people find it hard to understand things!

But the fact that you won’t post those details shows you know they are best kept private. (Do not post them, by the way!)

So why is it normal to keep them private?

Salary - money causes resentment between colleagues if someone is paid more. Money causes problems between friends/family if you are perceived to be well-off and they feel you should give them money.

Health - this is seen as very personal and it is embarrassing for many people to share information about illnesses or health problems. Also people can be squeamish and upset hearing details.

Who you vote for - political views can be a huge cause of arguments so most people keep those private.

You're doing fine. That was just one of those people that has to be nasty! Luckily MNHQ have stepped in quickly to the report.

I always think there is a risk of that sort of information being used against you in the wrong hands. Or people making judgements without knowing the full picture. Eg if they know your salary they decide what you can and can't afford, with no knowledge of your outgoings.

You see these details as straightforward and factual, and to someone with autism, perhaps they usually are.

However, people are often subject to prejudice, and others have a lot of feelings about these facts.

For example, salary - I earn well - medium-high five figures. Objectively, I earn very well, and because we live cheaply I have lots of disposable income. My friend earns high six figures, but lives in an expensive area.

A hen do came up - I happened to be moving house, as was my friend. And it sounded fucking awful and ridiculously expensive for what it was (e.g. £500 for two nights in Blackpool).

I said I could only go to part because of my budget, as did my friend. We got a lot of shady comments about our income. A honest response might have been, "that's very expensive and doesn't sound like I will enjoy that at all".

But although the facts were what they were, it would not have gone over well to say that.

Well, if you'd been raped do you want people asking about or discussing your vaginal and anal injuries?

I think this Traybake likes to wind people up.

For salary, I don't tell people because it might make them feel inadequate- not that I'm on a 6 figure salary at all. A cousin told me her salary once (I hadn't asked) and I was shocked how little she was earning.

People can make judgements on other things like your own health. If I had diabetes for example, people might assume I had a bad diet or a poor lifestyle.

Its also common in British society to not openly disclose such things- unless maybe with close family. Other cultures, Thai for example, asking someones salary is seen as the norm. OP, if you are happy to disclose your personal info, that is up to you, but don't expect others to do the same.

People can manipulate and exploit each other with knowledge of these things especially money.

My reason for keeping my health mostly private is because of assumptions and unsolicited advice

Sharing political views leads to arguments.

Finance/income/money - well people can infer that you have a certain income from the sort of house you live in or the sort of car you drive or the fact that you go ski-ing three times a year - but not necessarily as some better off people spend their money on less flashy things. Or not at all. But in countries like Sweden you can look up anyone's salary from their tax return I think!

Health - that's up to people. Some people love to share every aspect of their (ill) health - others are quite private.

Norway you can look up anybody's salary.

Norway you can look up anybody's address.

Salary - I believe transparency between colleagues can be really important, and empowering when negotiating fair wages for everyone on a team.

From family/friends/acquaintances I keep salary more private. As others have said, I don’t want people to form judgements. By which I mean, make comments or conclusions like “I wonder if their car was on finance/they’ve been on too many holidays this year/I wonder why they don’t buy a bigger house/why don’t they pay for everyone’s meals” etc etc. It’s better to keep people guessing. Specific information can be used against you.

I also prefer to keep health private, for same reasons. Don’t want people to make assumptions or use it against me.