Why is privacy/ discretion so important to people?

[TotoroFTW]

Preface: I have autism.

Can anyone explain why privacy is so important to people? For example, why do people not want others to know their salary, their health details, or who they're voting for, for example?

If someone asks me any of those things, I just tell them. My reasoning: life's too short and I have nothing to hide. However, when this happens, others will say that I should keep such information private.

I'd be keen to hear people's thoughts/ anecdotes

I'm a private person and don't like telling people too much information about me. I don't like others asking me personal questions as it makes me very uncomfortable.

In regards to the "I don't want someone making judgements" comments, why? Why do you care what others think or know?

If someone asked you such information, what would you say? Would you lie?

@TotoroFTW I’m not ND but I agree with you. We should be able to do all of that.
We dint because many (most?) people aren’t mature enough to handle those information gracefully.

I don't care if someone works out what my salary is, but I wouldn't volunteer the information and if they asked me outright I'd tell them they were being rude. It's none of their business and while I'm not embarrassed about my salary for any reason, I don't think random people are entitled to know it. It's just a matter of principle for me.

Health - generally speaking, I find health issues to be a boring and depressing topic and I really don't want to spend any time dwelling on it with people I don't know especially well. People form all sorts of inaccurate ideas around that sort of thing, gossip with others etc. Also, I really hate the patronising sympathy/faux caring/unsolicited advice that often comes with any conversation about health issues. So I only really talk about that sort of thing with my closest friends who I know won't be annoying about it.

Voting - I'm perfectly happy to tell anyone who I vote for and have posters in my window at election times which make it really obvious! I'm interested in politics and current affairs and it's something I have a lot of conversations about. However, some people prefer to keep it private because they don't want others to start an argument/debate about their choice.

I never get to see any of NiftyTraybake's comments before MNHQ deletes them. 😂OP, I'm also quite possibly autistic and I agree, I'm not in the least bit fussed about privacy.

when it's a neutral question (to me) such as how old are you, that's fine. I'll answer. It's not something I'm bother about. A non neutral question would be about my politics (might invite judgment as I've voted both Labour and Conservative, but many judge a Conservative voter) or about my views on certain political topics or my salary.

Because it gets tedious after a while when people make comments on things they don't have a clue about?

I'd just say it's private.

I don't particularly care what people think about me, but remember: people don't just make judgements in isolation. They also act upon those judgements. Consciously or unconsciously, people do treat each other differently as a result of the judgements they make and that can be very negative.

Not talking about money or health is cultural I think. I'm not English but have lived here a long time. In my country it's quite normal to be upfront about money, less so about health - but still more open than the English, who are quite private about most things I think. With politics it's again cultural - a lot of people here are polite and don't want to get into arguments. Nothing wrong with that it's just cultural norms.

I'm autistic and I don't like people knowing things about me.

I'm a pretty private person. I don't like attention or being talked about.

In my family people like to discuss other peoples money/medical/private business and I hate it.

because people tend to judge

I don't see the issue with some of these things either, although DD is autistic so the chances I am too.

Knowing my salary doesn't bother me as I work for the public sector and you can just goggle it. I can see why in the private world it is more of an issue especially if some colleagues have negotiated a better deal.

Health stuff doesn't bother me of it's general and not an embarrassing condition, someone sharing im off work with the flu would be fine, someone sharing Im having a colonoscopy less so, I guess it doesn't really matter but it does to me.

But largely the more informed people are the more their behaviour towards you changes both for the better and for the worse.

Health:

I am disabled. For some people, if they are aware of it they will not want to talk to me or will not let me join the activity they are running.

I have been asked to complete endless health and safety forms, had it suggested to me that other places could meet my needs better and also been told flat out you can't come because you are disabled,

If I don't tell people and turn up with crutches and say I sprained my ankle I am never excluded.

When someone asks me a question, which I don’t want to answer I don’t lie. I would just explain that I don’t want to share that information. I find it is important to have some healthy boundaries, especially with my mum!

Personally, I need to develop a good relationship with someone and know I can trust them before I can share certain aspects of my life.

Other reasons I don’t share is that

1. I don’t want someone giving me unsolicited advice.
2. I don’t feel I owe anyone any explanation
3. I don’t want to feel pressured to prove anything to them

Being a more private person doesn’t mean shutting people out or pushing them away, it just means that I’m a bit more selective in what I share and who I share it with

I don't talk about money because that is between my husband and myself. I would answer general questions, as in , we pool our money and pay all expenses before we decide what to do with the rest.
I don't get into the nitty gritty with strangers, but if a friend was looking to go into a similar career path, I would be fine with discuss salary/ expectations.

I don't talk about my health alot as I don't want to sound like I am complaining or looking for sympathy. I do have a condition that can impact where and when I can work, so my friends do know of it, but I don't bring it up really.
I don't hide it, and do try to minimize the mentioning of pain/fatigue, but that's just so I don't annoy myself!

I don't mention about my relationship a lot because I don't want to come across as bragging or insensitive to others who may not be as happy themselves.

I do have my FB/insta in my own name, I can't be too anonymous there as I sell online so my reputation is part of my business.

When it comes to discussing things that are more sensitive, the general idea is that you don't share that with someone until you have established a long term closeness.
When a total stranger 'spills their guts' it is often a sign that they lack boundaries through either they way they process things (autism /trauma/ ) or have been brought up.

Also autistic, and also agree that people tie themselves up in knots about privacy. All the husbands with hobbies that can't be named on here, for example😆. I've shared all sorts of stuff on here over the years, yet I've never been outed in RL and don't see that it would be much of a disaster if I was, tbh.

I'll share most stuff about myself, if people want to know. I rarely feel judged. (Possibly because I tend to gravitate towards other ND people, who are equally straightforward. Neurotypical people do seem to love to make life complicated for themselves 🙄).

That’s awful @Octavia64

I'm so sorry. That is awful, and I do get my privacy is importante for you.

Because it's obvious why people don't want to discuss these topics. Don't satisy the curiosity of the fucking nosey.
And why would anyone to ask such questions when they are none of their bloody business?

I don't think I am a very private person; I'm pretty open generally, if someone asks my salary I'll tell them, I'll share my opinions on politics etc.

It's instinctive, but I also use it as a type of 'currency' at work to build relationships with people I need to get on side. Not sure if that makes me some sort of sociopath 😁

Can anyone explain why privacy is so important to people? For example, why do people not want others to know their salary, their health details, or who they're voting for, for example?

Absolutely none of anyone else's business unless they have a specific need to know, such as a doctor treating me for anything, or someone like an accountant or financial adviser helping me with my finances.

I really couldn't give a shit what people think of me, but that doesn't mean that I don't work on a need to know basis for all of the things you list. If anyone asked me as a simple matter of nosiness or general conversation I would make it clear that I wouldn't be answering that

If you give people too much information you can also be giving them ammunition that could be used against you.

A lot of people with invisible medical conditions don’t want to talk about it because of employment discrimination. If interviewers knew I had a medical condition, they’d be less likely to offer me a job. That’s illegal really, but people break the law all the time.

Preface: I am diagnosed autistic. And I’m a very private individual, who dislikes my personal information being discussed. I don’t appreciate the judgements of others, because I’ve dealt with unkind judgements my entire life and now at 41, diagnosed at 40, I’m done with it. Why do other people care about my salary, or any other personal information about me? Why do they want to know? In my experience, it’s usually so they can gossip with other people about me. So now I leave them to wonder and get frustrated. Oh, and if someone asks me such information, no, I don’t lie. I tell them that I won’t be sharing personal information with them.

A too wonder about this, OP. The reasons people have given - that knowing one earns a lot makes others resentful, or knowing you voted Remain may cause political rows - do t make sense to me. Because that's just their response to a fact, their own reactions, which don't change anything for me and for the facts themselves.

So I'm very open. I don't care if someone knows I've, say, slept with X people, because if they judge me for that it doesn't affect me. I find it confusing and rather pitiful that others are so insecure they will lie by omission to avoid "upsetting" others.

And I have an adhd diagnosis :)

No I would not. So I'd say that to them.