Why is privacy/ discretion so important to people?

[TotoroFTW]

Preface: I have autism.

Can anyone explain why privacy is so important to people? For example, why do people not want others to know their salary, their health details, or who they're voting for, for example?

If someone asks me any of those things, I just tell them. My reasoning: life's too short and I have nothing to hide. However, when this happens, others will say that I should keep such information private.

I'd be keen to hear people's thoughts/ anecdotes

How though?? I'm wealthy. How can people exploit me, if they know that fact? If they try, I just say "no". That's about them, not me.

Sometimes it’s not just fear of judgment. Sometimes it’s safety concerns and serious potential consequences. I can encounter quite disturbed and needy people in my line of work, and I certainly wouldn’t want them knowing where I live.
I do mainstream media/tv interviews regarding a contentious issue in another country. I wouldn’t want my children and DP exposed to the hate mail I get, or worse.
Reducing everything to ND vs NT isn’t helpful.

I've had people be very difficult about saying what they do. I think because many jobs these days are just hard to communicate - all those strange and exotic jobs in web software, consultancy or city type things. Sometimes I think they might be a bit ashamed to talk about their very boring job. I will often be a bit vague when questioned for this reason.

I've never asked anyone how much they earn. It never seems relevant to me. I can easily gather their wealth from the holidays they go on or cars they drive or places they live. I know someone who goes around asking how much (I think he is one of those old undiagnosed aspies 😁). To be fair, people generally answer him but I think everyone finds it an uncomfortable question. A bit akin to asking how's your spouse in the sack 🤣

I very often get into conversations about health issues. Usually people love to talk about themselves and having a good moan is therapeutic and I like to listen. I can see some people don't want to talk about health issues that are embarrassing so I don't push it ever. I rarely find people don't like to talk about their aches and pains.

Hope that helps

I agree with you , it is a little odd that some people bulk about discussing their salary , but happy to tell you about their sex life !
I think different people have different values so its all about accepting that some will tell you and others will keep it to themselves .

Because I don't want people making assumptions about me and my lifestyle based on that kind of information.

No I’d look askance and say “I’ve chosen to keep that private thanks” then change the topic.

Money – There are some characters who will pressure you for loans or gifts when they know how much you make. If you have trouble saying no to people or resisting a sob story, it’s better that they have the impression that you’re no better off than they are.

Health – Sharing health information can backfire sometimes. You’ll find yourself being left out of opportunities because people decide you’re not up for it, won’t live that long etc … without discussing it with you.

Some insecure nasty people love gossiping about other people’s choices. “She’s got that health condition and she’s still eating pizza. She’s got such a low salary, she hasn’t made the most of herself has she?” Etc … The less information you give people, the less exposed you are.

If someone asked you such information, what would you say? Would you lie?

I would bluntly tell them that it's none of their business. If that offends them, tough luck.

In my experience, it’s not just judgement, or acting on the judgement, it’s the expectation that you then care about their view on what you said.

For example, I was going through a diagnostic process for cancer. I deliberately hid that from some family members, because one happened to believe that all surgery was the work of the devil, and another happened to believe that all cancers led to death and would have been wringing her hands and gurning at me.

You may say, but why do you care about those two? And the answers are that I don’t care, I just cannot be bothered getting their views on my business.

@AsGoodasIOnceWas Lived in Norway . The fact that you can do those things is not relevant to quality of life there.

And you know you can look up most adults registered address here too, right?

I'll be honest I do really believe that if people were more honest and open about their salaries they'd be less inequality in the U.K. I think privacy with respect to salary is only for the benefit of bad employers

Salary - people might either look down on you or pity you if it's low, most people don't want pity. Or they might take advantage of you or accuse you of being stingy if you don't spend on things they want you to (like a big night out or a hen do) if it's high.

Asking someone that also implies you want to judge them based on their earning power rather than more socially acceptable measures such as how kind or hardworking they are.

There is no way I’m talking about money.
DH and I are far better off than anyone would ever think, I would refuse all requests for loans even from blood relatives. I can imagine that not going down well.

@rainydaysandrainbows please see my reasoning around salary and money, I think it’s a very valid point.

Knowledge is power. And when you pass on personal information to someone, they might pass it to someone you don't want to engage with on that topic. There's someone in my family who gets very upset and very sympathetic if someone is ill. When they respond like that I start to feel a certain way about my illness and I don't want to spend energy dealing with that. So I don't give them that power.

Pretending to be hard up.

Pandering to be included in a will or get an inheritance.

People become envious and jealous.

Secretly stealing from you.

It's great if you can say no but not everyone finds it so easy. I know I personally don't hence why I find it easier to be more private.