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Original poster

Think I've joined a toxic workplace

109 replies

Shabba2025 · 19/12/2024 14:30

How would you play it? How long would you give it so that it boosts your CV? I need the job on my CV and I need the income. Sorry for the brevity but I'm pushed for time. What would you put in place to deal with it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Shabba2025 · 30/12/2024 07:19

Why have you taken a step down?

I've had a period of time out due to having children, this is me getting back in.

OP posts:
JustMyView13 · 30/12/2024 07:27

NigelHarmansNewWife · 30/12/2024 07:18

I don't agree with staying somewhere you've been for two weeks which is causing you sleepless nights and such misery.

Show quote history

If you read any of my previous comments, you’d realise I don’t either…

solopanda · 30/12/2024 07:29

Shabba2025 · 20/12/2024 05:51

I was in my last role for over 2 years. This role is about me returning to my profession after a child sized gap (although I've always worked). This was the only organisation to give me that break and I really need it in order to progress to any sort of decent money, prospects etc.

Keep looking for something else. Hopefully something will come up while you're in your probation

skippinginto2025 · 30/12/2024 09:34

Shabba2025 · 30/12/2024 06:11

I have recently left a toxic workplace as there were two managers there who wanted me out by any means as my face didn't fit. They basically bullied me out of a job I really enjoyed doing. I believe that they even alienated other colleagues against me

A current colleague who's leaving has told me of two instances of this happening. Of course I take it with a pinch of salt, but I know it's true! How horrible for you. I think that even if I persevere for now I will end up in this situation. I've started applying but it will be a pay cut and status cut unfortunately.

In the end I wanted to leave as the bullying had eroded my self-confidence. Up to the end they were still criticising my work even during my notice period.

I have taken a pay cut with my new role, but I would rather that than stay where I was.

allaloneandlost · 30/12/2024 11:41

I've been in this situation and it's best to leave asap. You can't win no matter what you try, won't change anything and shouldn't have to. If they were genuine and wanted staff to stick around, they'd have already offered training and help. They'll have a very high turnover of staff. Staying will erode your confidence and affect your health. Apply for everything possible and you don't have to mention them. You could use volunteering as experience or use your previous employment and then say you took time out to raise a family and are now returning to work.

Original poster
Shabba2025 · 15/01/2025 03:49

I had a few really good days, but it's reverted back to snapping at me and making out I'm stupid when I don't get something right. Really condescending and rude, like I'm a stupid child. I'm drowning in the work as the volume is high and I don't know how to do it and there isn't anyone to really show me. They just want me to get it done and leave them alone. What a shit situation. It's funny how you take it all on board when I 100% know it's not me as I'm normally really good at what I do, plus I've seen them treat other colleagues the same, so I knew it was coming my way.

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 15/01/2025 04:35

Is there anyone above them to talk to?

Otherwise you're only option is to tell them that their behavior is toxic and abusive. Staff leave because of it. That they have failed to do an onboarding. That they can carry on as they are but that the failing is there's not yours. Suggest they get coaching to deal with their issues. Doesn't sound like you've anything to lose. And they do.

Original poster
Shabba2025 · 15/01/2025 04:41

It is a small organisation and they've all been there for ever. I don't think I'd have any allies unfortunately. I have thought about it, but I think it would make me more ill going in every day. We are all in a very small office together. Thank you for replying, everything you say is right.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shabba2025 · 10/02/2025 04:56

Morning, so I'm still there, still being torn apart. Financially I can't leave without something to go to. I've spent the weekend applying for lots of jobs and dh is working on my CV and contacting agencies for me today whilst I'm working as he wfh.

I have a personal loan that I want to earn enough to clear this month so I definitely need to work all of Feb. It definitely feels personal with one of the women, like she didn't agree with me being recruited or something and she's trying to prove her point.

On Friday I was literally shaking at my desk, so I think that's what's prompted pulling all the stops out.

OP posts:
ThunderLeaf · 10/02/2025 06:50

@Shabba2025 im sorry to hear you are still suffering. I definitely understand regards money. But maybe you will have to quit before this job breaks you. Or can you put in annual leave ASAP to give yourself some respite. I'm sorry your going through this, it's a horrible and scarring experience x

DrRichardWebber · 10/02/2025 08:06

It sounds really tough, but what I think is great is that you’re recognising it’s toxic, and isn’t you. It look me a year to recognise my toxic workplace! Wishing you so much luck in getting out.

Loveallaroundyou · 10/02/2025 08:18

I so understand what you are going through. Keeping everything crossed you get another job sorted soon. You deserve a workplace that appreciates you.

Convolvulus · 10/02/2025 08:46

Is there no-one above these two women you can talk to? This is a ludicrous way to run a business, they must be spending a fortune on recruiting people who don't stay.

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 10/02/2025 08:47

Work out the bare minimum to keep going financially. Don’t pay off things that can be kept going eg loans that you’ll pay interest on.

I had a really really bad job last year, I couldn’t get out for six months and I then had a breakdown that I’m still recovering from. In hindsight I should have walked out.

So sit down with your DH and be ruthless about your finances. Mortgage (holiday?), rent, council tax, food. What else? The impact on you/your family if you end up like me will be worse than merely having to keep paying interest on a loan.

Also, if it’s that bad people will have heard about their reputation. Ex colleagues will have spoken about them. It might not be as difficult as you think to move on.

HardenYourHeart · 10/02/2025 09:06

It's really hard, OP. These situations are miserable and there is usually little to nothing you can do to change it.

I suppose the usual tactics to combat narcissism are are your best bet. I think grey-rocking might have the best outcome. I would also take plenty of breaks (as much as you can get away with) and work at a pace you can sustain. They are giving you too much work anyways, so no need to set yourself on fire to try to complete an unreasonable workload.

I would also try to throw responsibility back at your boss with something like: "I can see you don't like what I have done. How would you like me to do it?" Repeat as needed. She might get mad (she probably will), but the goal here is to make it more annoying to keep berating you than to just let you get on with it or to give you clear instructions. The idea is to provide an incentive to actually do her job as your manager, rather then used you as an emotional punching bag.

I realize all of the above is easier said than done. Just remember that this is temporary. You can survive this, although it's infuriating they even put you in this position.

Original poster
Shabba2025 · 12/02/2025 06:31

@ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself I'm sorry you've recently been through this too. I think it's making me quite poorly. I keep a monthly spreadsheet so I know there's nothing spare. Paying the loan back will reduce our monthly outgoings, so that's the thought process there.

I was told off again yesterday and I broke down and had a meeting where I reported the poor behaviour and explained that I don't want to sound dramatic but I feel like I'm being bullied. Manager said she was sorry and she should've protected me and it's cultural- which I already knew from day 2.

I'm not really looking forward to facing any consequences today. I just feel really physically ill. There is no paid sick leave and I'm not entitled to anymore AL.

Thank you to you all who commented on Monday, it really made me feel supported.

OP posts:
dreamingofpalms · 12/02/2025 07:01

Can you talk to anyone above your immediate manager? This sounds awful
It's down to the very senior management to fix a culture of bullying and they need to be on it as the company will suffer (badly) if they don't
Be very brave, put it down in writing- all your experiences that you detailed here - and send it

What's the worst that could happen?
You will likely be helping other colleagues too

Original poster
Shabba2025 · 12/02/2025 07:05

Yes I just see it as me possibly helping others now. I've learnt that the culture has come from the top! Hopefully I'll hear about another job soon. Dh is on the cusp of a promotion and large payrise, I just hope it comes off.

OP posts:
WinterFoxes · 12/02/2025 07:16

DS was in your situation. He stuck it for 6 months, applied for other jobs and passed it off as a fixed term contract to deliver on a big project. It helped him get a job with a lovely company.

HoraceCope · 12/02/2025 07:24

i am glad you had an apology from a manager
rise above it
it is their issue not yours

LittleRedRita · 12/02/2025 07:30

Shabba2025 · 21/12/2024 06:59

@Happierthaneverr how did you get time off for interviews?

Can someone please advise how I phrase this when I'm trying to work, the pressure is on, they are critical (it's two of them) of what I've produced or not produced- how do I stop them placing the blame on me? I literally walked through their door two weeks ago. How do I say, look, I just got here, and I don't know what I'm doing, ease off??

Employers have a Duty of Care to their staff and if they operate the "all stick and no carrot" approach they'll soon find it's non-productive.

Organisations are expected to make sure employees are conversant with the standards and have the skills to perform a particular function or functions.

I would make a list of everything you been have criticized you for and then put it to your Line Manager in writing.
Say that you have noted their dissatisfaction with your handling of xyz and what support/training are they going to offer to help you meet their required standards?
Copy it to the HR dept.

That should get results...

Original poster
Shabba2025 · 12/02/2025 07:31

Yes the shame is not mine. I've had many positions of authority and I've never spoken to anyone like that. I'm just not sure how they will play it today. Very awkward and stressful.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shabba2025 · 12/02/2025 07:33

Copy it to the HR dept

Where do you think I work? 😉

OP posts:
CerealPosterHere · 12/02/2025 07:35

Hope it goes ok today. The managers really need to sort this out.

LittleRedRita · 12/02/2025 07:38

Shabba2025 · 12/02/2025 07:33

Copy it to the HR dept

Where do you think I work? 😉

I've no idea !

OK so it's a small operation with no HR Dept,

So who takes on the HR function?

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