Thread 16 - TalkLair: "Well, I'm not exactly quaking in my stylish-yet-affordable boots, but there's definitely something unnatural going on here."

[Kucinghitam]

(Previous thread 15).

Another year over, a new one just begun...

In the TalkLair, the hearth is glowing, the walls festooned with tinsel, books by non-approved authors line the shelves, rugs are down on the floors, the tree is twinkling with fairy lights (and possibly being clambered on by cats). The denizens of the lair are a welcoming bunch though, always eager for general chit-chat on all manner of topics.

We just won’t mention the gnawed bones of our prey Christmas roast beast over there in the corner of the cave…

I like to think of Jimmy Carter, aged 100, desperately hanging on until he was safely within 30 days of the inauguration.

He did say he was determined to hang on long enough to vote for Harris. I'm only disappointed his vote wasn't sufficient.

This thread is enormously cheering!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5240684-help-are-any-mumsnetters-passing-the-st-pancras-premier-inn-next-few-days?page=1

Aww that's so nice! I feel all warm and fuzzy now.

Will the flag really be at half-mast for Trump's inauguration? That will be so delicious!

Turning back to being a nice person, that thread is lovely and I'm so glad the wee boy is getting his rabbit back.

I have just changed into dry everything-except-underwear after plodding round the garden picking a bunch of: New Dawn rosebuds, a Zephirine Drouhin rosebud, creamy winter-flowering honeysuckle, pink Viburnum, white Viburnum tinus, White periwinkle, creamy comfrey, two different sorts of snowdrops (Galanthus nivalis and G woronovii) and pink primulas. Now in a vase with winter heliotrope picked on the roadside a couple of days ago.

Not bad for an hour before the last sunset of the year.

I hope 2025 is kind to us all.

I have a WWYD/"My diamond shoes are too tight" query for you all (don't want to start a new thread as will probably get ripped to shreds).

As thread regulars will know, I try to visit my parents in my home country every Jan/Feb for Chinese New Year. And then all of us (DH, DDs and I) try to visit again during the summer hols. Last summer, we didn't do the whole-family trip because, well, money. But we promised my parents that we'd come after GCSEs in July 2025. Also, obviously parents were expecting to see me in January.

Then it turned out that DH got invited to a conference to somewhere Very Very Nice in January. So that meant I couldn't go home. Then he's going on another work trip in February. And by March we're in to pre-GCSE stuff, so I want to make sure I'm at home to support DDs until end of June. (Incidentally, DH is going to another conference somewhere else Very Nice, during their GCSE exam period).

Today we started discussing summer travel plans, and now DH is saying we should save our family long haul trip for Christmas 2025. I said I was going home after GCSEs no matter what, my travel is not negotiable. I also said that my parents would be pretty desperate to see their GC, so I could just go with the DC and DH could stay behind (and look after the cat). He seemed unhappy with that suggestion and started mumbling that "fine we can all go in the summer but we should go in December what's the big deal with waiting." I think he's generally lost interest in travelling to my home country because it's not exciting to him, unlike all the Very Nice places he could travel to. Yet he's got some sort of FOMO at the thought of us going without him, the fucking hypocrisy

And then DD1 said she wasn't bothered about going, whether because she's picked up DH's vibe or what I'm not sure. Only DD2 is genuinely keen to come with me.

So the query - should I just take DD2? I think my parents would be saddened that one of their GC apparently can't be arsed to see them. But I'm feeling pretty fed-up at the idea of forking out £££ for dragging an unwilling teenager across the globe. Let along more £££ for dragging an unwilling middle-aged man across the globe.

Childless heartless me says yes, just take DD2, have a good time together - put pressure on DD1 to skype (or whatever) while you're there. Time is the one thing we never get back and it's important for you to go for yourself, but there's no gain in press-ganging someone (or two someones) who doesn't want to go.

That's tricky. I'm inclined to agree with Elderberry, no point in forcing unwilling travel on family but you going is v. v. important.

I agree, take DD2. Your parents aren't in great health and I think you have to seize each opportunity when you can. Also might it be good for the DDs to do more/bigger things differently/independently, given the extra twin dimension? (Of which I know nothing, of course, so ignore me if not!)

If you did a family trip at Xmas, would you do a trip for Chinese new year as well? Or would the xmas trip extend to cover both occasions?

We can't possibly extend a December trip to cover CNY as DDs will need to be back for school term (they'll be in Sixth Form). They have experienced CNY in my home country once, and that was over a decade ago - it only rarely coincides with February half term, and anyway a week is rather a short time unless we take days on either side.

There's no getting around it, it is £££ for us to go home. I don't begrudge the expense because it is what it is, but I will begrudge it if people (DH and DD1, looking at you) are just going to be ungrateful and prefer not to be there. I need to calm down and ponder for a bit longer, but I am definitely leaning to just taking DD2.

How about your brother, will you be able to see him? I don't know when his baby would have been born, but I'm sure he'd appreciate some family together time as well.

Yes, my brother will definitely come home for a visit whenever I'm back home.

My nephew would have been born this coming February, which is an additional heartache for me that I can't be there at the time.

It’s a shame that your parents will only get to see on of their granddaughters but it does sound like a trip for you and DD2 is the way to go.

Is there a chance that DD1 will have a FOMO attack when the trip actually happens? Six months is a long time in fickle teenage thought processes.

DD1 may have a change of heart later on, but I have (very calmly) pointed out that international long-haul travel for normal people doesn't happen on a whim, so she needs to think about this now.

This is entirely reasonable!

Well today I've learnt what FOMO stands for. Every day's... etc.

I would take DD2 and the two of you have a good time. I can imagine DH might perhaps be fed up of travelling after all his other trips and not want to go if he doesn't have to. There will be a point when the DDs are older and not so tied to school terms, and hopefully your parents will still be around then. I often go to the UK by myself to see my DC and DGC and DH stays home with the cats.

Edited to add - @FagsMagsandBags good to see you on FB looking well and happy.

The DDs may have reached the point where they are fighting against people - especially family - treating them as two halves of a "unit". However close they are, they're at about the right age to be asserting their individuality and not always doing things together. Bloody hell, I sound like some sort of cod-psychologist, but you know what I mean.

@Gonners I do know what you mean.

@Kucinghitam I echo most here and think go with DD2 although give DD1 the time, although not too much, to be sure she doesn't want to go because there can be no last minute mind changing, you're right. Tell DH that it's fine if he doesn't want to go and he and DD1 can stay home and do some stuff together. I agree that dragging along two people who don't really want to be there or think that maybe they do but maybe they don't, is both a waste of money and will make it less enjoyable for you, DD2 and your parents. It will be a shame that your parents only get to see one of their grandchildren but they'll be fine, because the one who is there really wants to see them - you can word it better for them as to why DD1 isn't there, obviously - and you're there too.

@Britinme thank you! The light was playing some magic yesterday on the pier because I appear to be almost without a wrinkle in that photo and whilst I'm not mad wrinkled I do have lines that are doing a really good job of hiding! We were having a really nice day of it and the starlings - who all hang around in a large tree/bush thing outside my flat before they head down to the seafront - were giving us some wonderful murmurations. I'm so lucky to live where I do.

Happy 2025, everyone.

Didn't think much of the clip art CGI on the London fireworks. Bring back the drones.

I'm in Krakow and the fireworks were pretty spectacular, in the main square. We were as little as 15 m away and by heck, they were loud! I asked my wife not to go into the tightly packed crowd, but she insisted.

When we went to leave, we were caught in a crush by an exit street, which was blocked by a Police van, people were coming in and others were trying to get out; there was a lot of very rough shoving. I was really worried about my daughter.

I was nearly knocked over several times and some drunken shit grabbed my crutch, it came off my arm, but I managed to get it back.

Obviously, we got out OK, but it was 40 minutes of adrenaline, trying to keep my feet and my daughter from being flattened.

That sounds like an unnecessarily stressful end to New Year celebrations, Sinner!

Happy New Year to one and all! May 2025 bring good things all round.