Children: ‘No Christmas, Please!’ YAY!

[PoliticalPossum]

So, my teenagers confirmed last night they don’t want to do Christmas! They just want to spend the day with family, relaxing, eating good food, playing with the dog and watching old films - no roast, no presents, no forced interactions with family they don’t like.

Not sure whether to laugh, because honestly just eating nibbles, fruit and salads all day whilst we watch Star Wars and DH loses so badly at scrabble he tosses the tiles across the table again sounds amazing, or to cry tears of joy because they actually agreed on something together (honestly, it’s the first time I can remember them ever agreeing)

Not even anything to really comment on here. I just wanted to post and say how happy I am that we all get a day off and can actually just relax without any pressure! Obviously did not say this to them, just nodded and said ‘oh that sounds lovely’ but I am so pleased!

They probably won’t, but if they do then the presents (which they said not to worry about!!!) are there for them and DM only lives 30 mins away so I can nip around to get them. I’ll top off their presents with extras for their birthday so they don’t miss out. Kids are 15/16, so old enough (I think) to make decisions and usually pretty level headed! 😀

And yes! MIL and DM will arrive together Xmas morning and stay until NY. Couldn’t do a Christmas without them - MIL is alone and DM couldn’t do a week with Dsis and her ‘hosting.’

Give ‘em their bloody presents, OP.

We always have a quiet Christmas, just relaxing and watching tv, board games (not ill tempered though..) and good food.
Do what suits and makes the family happy.

I mean, it sounds great - we stopped doing family stuff at Christmas years ago because it's too stressful. We see family either side of Christmas but the 24th-26th we spend at home. Big parties were hell with two neurodivergent DC when they were younger. The biggest thing they need now as teens, with both having looming exams this year, is some demand free time.

I do find the fruit and salad/healthy eating thing a bit weird though. And nobody in our house has thrown a strop and tipped the board over a board game since the kids were in primary school, and that's with autism and ADHD in the mix!

This, why have you dragged them to it every year? I think they think it all has to be cancelled when in fact it’s just this party day they don’t want. It’s all a bit extreme.

Tip is not the same as toss, but in any event no adult in my house has ever done either with their board game pieces. Similarly ‘huge meals all the time’ is not the same as ‘meals’ and I’d wonder why you’d added those qualifiers. What do you mean by the DC don’t know about the presents?

Oh!

...and your take away from this desire for a more relaxed Christmas was to ditch their two grandmothers, who are looking forward to the day and spend their time chatting between themselves, rather than monopolising your time?

Nice.

(and my arse they don't want their presents)

So in that scenario they’d still get their presents but they wouldn’t buy any for anyone else?

Absolutely don't do the big party.

And choose food you like.
But please hear for most people this IS Christmas. And you do have family over too!

But please please have the presents there for them. Not a "just nip out 30mins away" but actually there for them to open on the day.

Fgs you've already bought them - give the bloody kids their presents. They're probably saying they don't want them to try and please you.

Also the "not everyone needs big meals and are perfectly full with salad" has made me laugh. I'm sure your 15 and 16 year old will be thrilled with their Christmas salad 🙃

I think this is what you want, and the DC are just saying this to ease the pressure on you. Maybe they are worried you can’t afford Christmas? or they can’t be asked to buy you presents. I don’t see why you wouldn’t give them presents, you have already bought.

We’re doing a low key Christmas, ie staying home just our family this year but we have still gone all out for presents and nice food. You can still have a salad, but with some nice nibbles and a charcuterie board too. It’s not exactly hard work.

But that is 100% the roper way of doing Christmas, a calm and chilled family time!

😂😂

Sounds very similar to our Christmas this year, however there will not be a salad in sight amongst the pizza and party food. And he'll would freeze over before my kids ever suggested no presents.

So you're still exchanging presents amongst your own family is that it? Just not with wider family at the party? Or is it really no presents for teens at all?

They do if you eat enough of them.

Perfect. I wish I could do the same sometimes!

Specifically mentioning that you'll spend the day grazing on salads and fruit is a little bit virtue signally for me. Yawn.

I was that teen. The things I wanted for Christmas were things that money couldn't buy - no pressure piled on me by my parents to behave a certain way, no family arguments, to be able to be myself ...

I would absolutely have foregone any presents (my presents were always rubbish anyway) to get that.

I would suggest OP might want to examine how her teens feel in general.

I wouldn't bank on the no presents thing. That's like when people who have said oh don't bother with my birthday cry when you don't get them a gift. I don't see what the huge difference is tbh. You are just missing your sister's party? If that's a good thing then great. But I'd listen to the advice about presents otherwise in years to come your kids will say, do you remember that Christmas with no presents? Teenagers are notoriously fickle. I wouldn't necessarily plan my day the teenage way.

Are you sure that what they really want is a different kind of Christmas? Without the rushing and party and obligations? Maybe you can discuss a revised Christmas with them. It all sounds good to me except that I'm not having Christmas without some chocolate!

If I was a cynic, I'd think you have made Christmas so miserable and stressful for your teens they'd rather bypass the whole thing.

But I'm obviously not a cynic, so I unequivocally believe that your teens have a heartfelt desire for no presents and an enormous salad on the 25th of December.

Usually I’m all ‘you do you’ and of course it really is up to you how you spend your day.

However my concern is that you may regret not following traditions and feeling that festive feeling. Also that your DC may very well be quite disappointed come the actual day.

I would have been very sad as a teen (well, even now!) if I saw no gifts under the tree, no excitement of exchanging gifts, no quality streets, no roast, no cheese board!

Look, it is ONE DAY out of the whole year. By all means sack off the big party, by all means stay in your pyjamas all day. There will be plenty of opportunities to eat healthily. Do a small roast, nothing fancy. Prep a little the night before. Exchange gifts. Make it special for the teens who probably deep down, do care about this stuff. Try to feel festive and don’t write everything off, because like I say, it is ONE DAY!

Have a good one.

Maybe they're just trying to avoid Scrabble 😱