What age for being home alone

[justanotherboymum]

Am wondering at what age do people tend to leave a child home alone if you are quickly driving to the shops (gone 10-15mins)?

This blows my mind. DS is 13 and regularly stays home alone, even in the evenings if we have to be somewhere with DD. I honestly can't understand how you think he's LESS safe at home than he is when he's out and about in public.

At home you only have to worry about HIS behaviour and risks in the home. Out and about, it's how he might react to any sort of external event such as bullying from other children, poor driving, inappropriate adult behaviour, peer pressure, use of public transport, all of which are much harder to predict and much harder to specifically prepare your child for. etc.

Mine's Year 4, nearly 9, and I think he'd be absolutely sensible but I'm not sure he'd particularly enjoy it and there hasn't been a need. I'd pop into a neighbour's house though (terrace, friendly street) and I'd happily let him do his own thing downstairs while I'm on a Zoom call two floors up.

I'd ideally say not until they've got their own phone but I don't want to give him a phone until Year 6 so we might need to make an ipad-based FaceTime compromise before that.

Interested in what people think is riskier for a kid - walking to corner shop 2 mins away or being left alone? Assuming no major roads to cross.

Interested in what people think is riskier for a kid - walking to corner shop 2 mins away or being left alone? Assuming no major roads to cross.

I would argue that (for a 9yo) walking is slightly riskier, although both in a reasonably safe area are low risk. Home risks are more controllable, walking does involve external hazards.

Plus the risk of something happening to the grown-up while they're out though. Which is why I'm more chill about being upstairs on a Zoom call than I am about being out without him if he has no phone.

Because he is walking with friends in a populated area. There is plenty of people he knows around.

At home he is in a position where possibly a fire or emergency could occur and being 11 would be considered very questionable parenting to be unsupervised.

I follow the national guidelines and under 13 is not recommended.

Those who are leaving a child under 13 and saying they jays phone are highlighting how absolutely poor supervision of children and tech is

Well I follow the evidence based criteria guidelines that assure me my children are safe 🤷‍♀️

We live in an area where there is plenty of people around and the examples you quoted haven't taken place in his walk home.

Long time ago but I think it was first year of senior school.

Because he is not alone! There are others around.,🤣

But the people that are around can be the issue?

Well sure, but it's impossibe to predict that none of them will happen and frankly, I'd argue the risk is significantly higher than similar risks at home.

Don't get me wrong, I think your children should be allowed out and about. I just don't get that they're allowed out and about but not to be left at home. The risks at home would be lower in my opnion and also far easier to predict and therefore to plan for.

I can understand wanting to supervise your children at all time but the idea that they are safer walking around outside where anything could happen is bizarre to me

They could get approached by a stranger
They could get abducted
They could get struck by lightening
They could slip over and break a leg
They could get hit by a car crossing the road

Every bit as likely if not more so than an emergency in the home

Do you know what happened to DS a few months ago - he got attacked by a gang of kids at the park. That doesn't happen at home.

A few years ago he got stung by a bee while out and about and had to ride his bike home to me (he didn't have a phone at that point). At home he'd have been able to just pop to the neighbour for help, or call me on the Alexa.

Because he's a 13 year old boy and his friend are all 13 year old boys, when they go into shops they're followed around by security guards. Somewhat amusingly, he was with me in waitrose the other day (which made it funnier for some reason) - I sent him off to get something and when he returned, carrying it, he told me the guard was following him. I looked round and sure enough, there he was. So much so that the guard then came and checked my shopping when we did the self checkout.... That doesn't happen at home.

He takes a train to his sports training. The other day the train got delayed and so he missed his connection and had to figure out how to get to where he was going. That doesn't happen at home.

Over the summer he lost his phone while riding his bike. So he had to ask an adult if he could borrow a phone to call me so that I could ping it for him. That doesn't happen at home.

My point is that there are so many things that happen out and about that they have to learn to navigate, that it seems impossible to believe that being at home is worse/scarier/more difficult.

Well I follow the evidence based criteria guidelines that assure me my children are safe

Me too. Luckily where I'm from (in Europe), the guideline is that it is fine to leave children home alone from about 7 years of age.

I don't quite understand the statement that leaving 13yo with a phone shows how absolutely poor the tech supervision is. It's pretty standard for 13yo in the UK to have phones, no? So are they only allowed to use them with parent literally looking over their shoulder?

Me too. Luckily where I'm from (in Europe), the guideline is that it is fine to leave children home alone from about 7 years of age“

I find that really shocking.

Depends on the child. I started leaving ds alone when he was 11... only for five minutes when I used to drop DD as brownies down the road...then built up in terms of time. Dd is now 14 and never been left home alone...she is quite young for her age though.

10 and a half in our case.

doesn't that concern you?

We are in a safe area with plenty of known individuals moving around at that time.

I find that really shocking.

You'd love Switzerand where kids are expected to walk to school alone from 4-5 years old. You will get letters from school how important it is for them to develop their independence.

Agree with this

If you want there is a great report by Tusla about age appropriate activities and the rationale behind.

Sadly the risks are higher at home than out and about.

So was I when I was flashed by a man while I was walking to school

So were Holly Wells and Jessica Chapman

No area is totally safe

She has some minor sn

I am one of the least paranoid people I know and even I think this is the most ridiculous and blase statement. It's like my lovely, well-meaning insanely rich colleague who lives in a mansion in a naice area who honestly believes her children are totally safe when out and about because there are no "rough elements".

DS knows a lot of children who go to the same school as them (they live in a much nicer part of town, but it's quite close to us) and he tells me that the things these kids get up to..... well! As for "known people" unless you live in a gated community of 10 houses, the chances that you know all the people your children meet/see/intract with while out and about are practically nonexistent.

That's different then completely - a child with SN may well not be able to be left at home/allowed out independently at the same time as a NT child.