Has the etiquette changed this Christmas?

[IncreasinglyMadWomanInTheAttic]

Usually, I choose Christmas presents for other kids - nieces, nephews, godchildren, relevant family friends, etc . I’ve done that this year and have just posted them off. But I’ve just received my 6th message in an week asking what my siblings/ILs etc should buy my DC for Christmas. To be absolutely honest, I’m struggling a bit to know what to buy them myself this year and am really scrambling around to find anything for me to give DD1(11) - I just don’t have any more ideas for everyone else’s Christmas shopping too. Is this universal - is everyone else finding the same this year? My mum has just sent me a message to say that she has transferred me some money for me to choose presents for the DC from her. I feel terrible because I know it sounds really ungrateful and it is a lovely thought and very generous but I am crazily busy at work, trying to get things wrapped up before Christmas and also escape to nativity plays etc. I don’t know when to find time to suggest/look for/ buy things for everyone else’s Christmas shopping too… Is it rude to say that? Has anyone else done the same?

I also think that receiving gifts that aren’t the perfect fit, and expressing gratitude for the gesture, is part of growing up.

My children are adults now and I always gave suggestions to relatives. It was great because my children then got what they really liked!Cannot understand why people are so ungrateful 🤷‍♂️

Getting exactly the same, links of what to buy and even buying some stuff and getting the money back! Guess it means they actually get something they want but nothing is a surprise. I’ve not asked anyone … just got things.

I know what you mean. I’d be like Thanks mum, another thing on my already huge to-do list. It depends on your relationship whether you can be honest or not.

You could try “Aw that’s lovely mum, thank you, but I’m swamped at the moment” and see if she takes the hint.

I prefer it, saves you ending up with loads of duplicates or things they have no interest in. MIL usually sends money in November for me to get all the presents from her, I usually then get a big family present with it, one year I got a Nintendo Switch and games etc for everyone, and last year got annual passes for legoland. Your best off giving people ideas for experiences instead of stuff, like cinema/theme park/zoo tickets etc.

My dm does the same, but if I am honest I prefer it, than getting things they aren't going to play with/use/not age appropriate/their taste or already got etc. My dcs do have a Christmas list though, so I don't find it difficult to come up with things. The only thing I found annoying was the year she gave tags, and said to put them on the gifts from her. I had wrapped up all of the items at this point, didn't know which was which.
I had been unwell and busy, so hadn't added up individual gifts to equal the amount she had given, dm would want it to the penny, at this point they couldn't even read, and they're that excited they don't look at tags! I now just say, that DH, and I, and grandma send money to santa andthey're from us all, which I have told her. If she wants to do individual, then she needs to order & wrap, everything can be ordered online, but i do it, so cannot make it any easier! We have to do it all for our dcs as it is, as no close family left to bother. She will also say things like "give them a big kiss from Grandma", and I think why can't you phone them, tell then yourself.

Oh no, I would MUCH rather advise people what my DC would like / use. Last year, my SIL went rogue and bought my incredibly tomboy-ish 8yo DD a Barbie. DD has never, ever played with Barbie’s and we are close with SIL, so thought she would’ve asked if DD was interested in them before buying one.

My parents who live abroad ask me to choose something from Amazon for dc. Previous years I chose something but I am already struggling to get ideas what to get them so I told them to choose something themselves. My parents also send parcel with smaller presents of their choosing. They are not of hit and miss but dc like surprises.

Just say ‘Mum, really grateful for your generosity, but I simply don’t have the time or energy to shop for your gifts to them.
They are (still) into x, y and z. Would you please get them something related to those hobbies/interests yourself?’

I have constant Amazon wish list now for this. We live abroad so it’s easier, but the first year or two grandparents would try the oh here’s money, buy something for them from me. It’s a pain as I would choose and then they wouldn’t be happy with choice.

So now I add to Amazon list all year around when he mentions a toy or game he likes, or I find books suitable, art and craft supplies etc. Various prices from €5 upwards. People can then choose themselves and it gets delivered. I still have wrap it all as nobody ever bothers to pay to gift wrap ( which annoys me slightly as I always gift wrap to people we send to, but we never get in return).

If anyone asks for Christmas, Easter, birthdays it’s always got something on.

Sorry OP but I'm firmly in the opposite camp!

DS writes a Christmas list with a variety of things to suit all budgets and then as and when people ask me (most do) I just send them a suggestion from the list (I dont purchase it for them and I usually send a couple of options and get them to let me know what theyve chosen).

I'd never demand people do this but this is my preference rather than him getting duplicates or things he has no interest in. I also prefer if my relatives do the same for me with their kids. For me it's more time consuming and stressful having to spend time trying to find a suitable present for a child thats not mine than it is to manage the list of my own child.

I'm afraid to say that my couple of nieces and nephews whose parents don't engage just get money and a selection box...but then they are getting older so probably prefer that anyway.

I don't think 'etiquette' has changed either.

We always did lists of suggestions when my (now adult) children were younger too, and asked people we bought for's parents for ideas for their dc.

Much better than ending up with a load of either unsuitable presents, or duplicates.

I mean, if you want to go back into the depths of time, looking through the Argos catalogue and cutting out things we'd like to make a list was a staple of my childhood activities, so the idea is definitely not new.

As a family we provide each other with vague lists (socks, craft supplies, nice smellies) but never links to specific items. There is much pleasure in choosing, and thinking about the person you are buying for. My sister in law, on the other hand, demands I choose a specific gift for my husband and the off-spring, which to me is just adding to my workload of choosing presents. Bloody get yourself to the shops, woman, and buy something you think they would like!

To add, she sends us links to horribly expensive gifts for her many kids. I take pleasure in ignoring the links and buying them unusual, fun stuff to play with. Tempted to get them a drumkit each this year.

Yes my brother messages every year to ask whether my son wants cash. I mean do t know why he bothers to ask but I don’t reply as I would like to because really I would like to tell him to put some bloody effort in.

'That's so kind of you. His bank account details are XXXXX and we use Christmas money to do fun things throughout the year. Thanks again x'

God why don't people just buy for their immediate family and be done with it? Maybe grandparents but draw the line at friends and their kids!
My in laws used to ask for specific items (like send them a link). Goodness how hard is it to buy for a little kid? Tweens and teens trickier. But teens in my experience want money.
Yes it's lazy on their part OP. Is it new? No.

What a bizarre world we live in.

I'd be inclined to miss the message and bank transfer and put it down to being too busy to notice.

It drives me up the wall and I feel so ungrateful for feeling this way.
Buying something specific online when you’ve been given the exact item and link takes 5 mins max and no effort, the thinking however and weighing up options and checking that it fits criteria of price range and acceptability on both sides…argh I hate it.
DH asks me what I want too, and I really want him to think for himself and buy something based on knowing me really well for 30 years, but that’ll never ever happen.
Emotional labour sucks the fun out of present giving and receiving for sure.

Fairly normal in our family. I would rather buy things they want or need and likewise makes sense for my DC to get stuff they like rather than people wasting money on gifts they already have or wouldn't use.
If it's hard to think of stuff suggest cash or vouchers, that is what my 13 year old has done with a lot of people this year, she would rather have money to go shopping in the new year.

My eldest is 11 too. I don't know if letting you choose the presents is rude, considering that it is harder to buy for them now. We've received a big delivery of things we don't want, and I feel that's worse! I know it's a job to go and choose more presents, but it's a job and a half to deal with things you dont want. Perhaps she can choose her own presents?

We have gotten our 11 year old a better phone and a nice cover to protect it (she was using an old one of her father's before), sweets and a bubble tea set, then just things she has chosen: a book, a variety of craft supplies, a set of earrings, new thermal paper for her camera, markers and gel pens.

Putting money on her debit card is also an option, as she likes choosing her own things throughout the year.

Best of luck to you. It's hard to feel the magic of Chrostmas when you have to do it all!

There is much pleasure in choosing, and thinking about the person you are buying for.

For you maybe, but it is a stressful thing to do for many other people.

I hate the thought of people wasting their money on things for me, or for my children by buying things we don't need, want, or like.

I'm so fed up of doing this. It started with me putting a few ideas onto Amazon lists as inspiration and now everyone expects me to basically sort their gifts for my family, but no one does it in return. My in laws just send us the money and we have to buy and wrap them too! It's fucking lazy.

It puts all the mental load on me and we do all the hosting and feeding as well. I'm utterly sick of it and am thinking of stopping it completely next year as it's all too much with for me.

The grandparents are all retired so plenty of time to go shopping and look for ideas.

I had to say that I was all out of ideas and thinking, so I'd trust them to choose something appropriate this year, my brain was fried.

I do this with my own children both for Christmas and Bdays. It takes so much mental energy to think up a present and often times, they end up not using it. I wish I can start this with my sister and her kids too, but have not yet.