Fed up of being treated like I am worthless and a drain on society because I don't work

[elliejjtiny]

Dh works. He used to have a well paid job but he took a pay cut so he could be more flexible for the dc who have SEN and multiple hospital appointments. I am carer to 10 year old ds who has autism and emotional development delay. He is considered "high functioning" but he receives high rate dla and he is in mainstream school with part time 1-1. This is going to be increased to full time 1-1 when he starts secondary school. In a lot of ways he is like a very intelligent toddler, especially with maths.

PIL came round today. They provide regular childcare for SIL's dc but have looked after my son probably about 5 times in the last 10 years. And never for very long. Because he is difficult. That's fine by me. But then they criticise me for not working. It's not just me,( actually they moan about me a lot less these days because they know I will argue with them and point out that they won't look after ds, school struggle with him so how am I supposed to work) , they go on and on about "people on benefits" and they assume things that are just not true like they think everyone on universal credit gets free holidays and they say the benefit system is more than generous and that people should stop moaning and get a job. Fil has been telling me with glee that one day ds won't need me to care for him and I will have to get a job. To me that's like telling a blind person that one day they will be able to see and they will have to give up their white stick. I would be more than happy to work if ds didn't need me to look after him.

I know sil thinks I should be working (although how, I have no idea) and every so often I keep thinking that maybe other people think this too. I've always said that when ds sleeps through the night I will try and go back to work part time but that hasn't happened yet.

That still wouldn't make me smug. She's a good friend of mine.

I wouldn’t let this woman anywhere near my kids. Not even within breathing distance.

She’d have him working down the mines within 5 minutes, autism and cognitive awareness aside - get to bloody work!

Good job she's not actually committing benefit fraud and it's just that you're too bloody thick to understand the criteria for higher rate mobility then isn't it.

Show me where I've slagged her off please?

You said she earlier ?

No time to eat mcdonalds but plenty to take on other people's children and then judge them and flag them off. How creepy are you caring for someone's child you have such a terrible view of? I hope she knows your true opinion of her, but of course she doesn't. Because you are a creepy martyr pretending to help someone but actually gathering information and judging 🤢

Let’s all just take a moment to be thankful that @Goodtogossip doesn’t work for the DWP

Resorting to name calling now? There's been quite a few of you on here calling me thick, stupid, ignorant. How thick are you all to agree that it's ok for people to chose not to work, then claim funds that could be helping those that actually need them. More fool you!

Doesn’t have time to eat, but has time to interrogate strangers on the internet. What a strange ivory tower.

Ermm you called me stupid in your last comment to me 🤣

She does need them. The actual DWP have established she needs them.

Tell your mate what you think of SEN parents, see how long she’s your friend for.

I find it incredibly sad that there is a mother somewhere thinking she can rely on a friend for help with her severely disabled child and that person is on MN being hateful about them

How do you know I don't? Not everyone has to agree to the Government systems.

How do you know I don't work there & that it's because I do that I know the faults in the system better than most?

I'll just leave this here....

Well then - do you work for the DWP?

I think you must be quite thick if you think it's reasonable to expect people who are full time carers for someone with high needs to get paid jobs on top of that, to be honest.

Interrogate? strange remark to make to someone who simply asked a question in their first post.

Oh my. 😂😂😂

You've missed your vocation, you really should be a comedian.

High rate mobility for dla can be given to a child who is able to walk but would be eligible under virtually unable to walk (sensory/ elipement/ sitting down in the road- taking a longer amount of time to get a very small distance if at all) or severe mental impairment (smi) - this requires the high rate of care to be already given then a number of other 'tests' to be proved in order to be given. Smi is usually regarded as the most difficult mobility route due to all of the requirements. For both of these the child could be physically able to take part in a marathon but they could still qualify for high rate mobility.

And then continued to ask that question despite it being answered, where some very kind people told you the intricacies of their lives so you could decide if you deemed them worthy of not working?

That’s what’s strange.

”Dear strangers of the internet, tell me everything about you so I can decide if I could manage that and work, so therefore you should too!”

Weird. Fully weird.

I'm not thick, or stupid enough to think those that choosing not to work when if you're able to if right. Why shouldn't a person who is a carer who has time away from their child not work?

That question, has been answered.

Multiple times.

Take some annual leave love, sounds like you need it. Get a McDonald’s while you’re off.

Oh I think you have made a mistake due to your ignorance. I assumed you would have researched the criteria for DLA and mobility given your vicarious interest. How embarrassing for you.

You can still apologise and hope your 'friend' forgives (if she has not read this thread) !

Bollocks. You don’t know what you’re talking about and you have no idea how a claim for mobility allowance works. It’s not just about the distance - it’s about the manner in which the child walks, how they walk, how much help they need from another person and how safe they are while doing it - and that means not just whether they are safe themselves, but whether they pose a danger to others. Seriously, just stop. With every post you’re proving you don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.

Maybe because they’re exhausted from looking after their child and coping with situations described by other posters, and which you’ve acknowledged yourself. Or are you seriously advocating that an exhausted carer has no right to take time out for themselves ?