Fed up of being treated like I am worthless and a drain on society because I don't work

[elliejjtiny]

Dh works. He used to have a well paid job but he took a pay cut so he could be more flexible for the dc who have SEN and multiple hospital appointments. I am carer to 10 year old ds who has autism and emotional development delay. He is considered "high functioning" but he receives high rate dla and he is in mainstream school with part time 1-1. This is going to be increased to full time 1-1 when he starts secondary school. In a lot of ways he is like a very intelligent toddler, especially with maths.

PIL came round today. They provide regular childcare for SIL's dc but have looked after my son probably about 5 times in the last 10 years. And never for very long. Because he is difficult. That's fine by me. But then they criticise me for not working. It's not just me,( actually they moan about me a lot less these days because they know I will argue with them and point out that they won't look after ds, school struggle with him so how am I supposed to work) , they go on and on about "people on benefits" and they assume things that are just not true like they think everyone on universal credit gets free holidays and they say the benefit system is more than generous and that people should stop moaning and get a job. Fil has been telling me with glee that one day ds won't need me to care for him and I will have to get a job. To me that's like telling a blind person that one day they will be able to see and they will have to give up their white stick. I would be more than happy to work if ds didn't need me to look after him.

I know sil thinks I should be working (although how, I have no idea) and every so often I keep thinking that maybe other people think this too. I've always said that when ds sleeps through the night I will try and go back to work part time but that hasn't happened yet.

You have not explained why you can't work though OP? I don't mean that harshly, genuinely, but you say you are his carer but he is in school all day long.

I'm sure you feel very drained OP. Don't be pressured into anything that doesn't work for you. Have a strong retort for the next time PIL share their opinions. Don't beat around the bush.

Actually, she did. Less than 15 minutes ago she posted "When ds sleeps through the night and doesn't need constant supervision during the day then I will be able to work. At the moment I use the time he is at school to get the housework done, try and catch up on sleep, fill in multiple forms, prep dinner and give my older 2 a bit of attention."

"What a good idea, I'll let you know what hours I'll need childcare and you can come over. How about we do a trial run, say Saturday at 8am?"

Stop seeing them. They have a detrimental effect on your life and contribute nothing positive. Why bother with them?

Ah fuck em, they sound horrible. Unfortunate that your post has attracted some similar types.

Honestly stop. Do you really need an explanation that a parent who has a child who secured DlA and 121 support? She has said it isn't possible she doesn't need to share her schedule with you.

Seriously the ignorance is amazing. Ignore op.

@Honestlyhonee

Some people are lacking in both compassion and imagination.

Are the older two not at school?

Does your husband not stick up for you?

People don't get how all consuming and exhausting raising children with additional needs can be. They don't get that school hours are your respite time and you need to fit in sleep and self care.

Why did your DH need to take a pay cut to work less hours when you are already at home all day? Your kids are at school all day so you could work part time.like millions of other women. Your DH could work full time on a higher wage but you both choose not too.

I understand. I don’t work and neither does DP as we are both carers for our dc with SEN and medical needs. People judge harshly. They don’t know the complete situation so I allow them their ignorance and forget them.

Why are the older 2 not at school?

humans need to sleep you know. Many parents of SEN dc get little to no sleep and when they are at school it’s the only chance to rest and/or get things done

Are your older two not in school when your DS is in school?

Top trumps time is it . Surely SEN parents should be supporting each other not entering into this toxic competitiveness

Maybe they are home educated? I have 1 dc who we HE due to SEN it’s quite common to have to wait for a school place or be in the situation where no school can meet a child’s needs

@elliejjtiny ignore any of the stupid judgemental responses . Carry on what you are doing . People don’t realise that carers are saving the government so much money and doing such an amazing job.

There's literally zero indication in any of the OP's posts that they are home educated!!

Unless of course the OP is also sleeping, filling in forms and doing housework while home educating 🙄😂😅

Maybe they are older then and have finished school?

Older 2 are a lot older than youngest. Dc1 works shifts and dc2 is at college so he doesn't do school hours. Dh is technically part time but in reality he is almost full time, the key thing is now he does his hours when he wants to do he will do extra at the weekend if I need him in the week.

Ok, you go on making shit up.... there's been nothing to indicate that up until now.

It’s not shit it’s just thoughts on why OP older 2 dc may be at home during school hours ?

It is fairly obvious why, but in any case - why does she need to explain? OP hasn't said she wants to work but can't work out how. She hasn't said they're desperate for more money. Her and her husband have decided on a set up that works for them. What issue do you take with that exactly?