Article about a pair of cheaters in The Guardian

[Time40]

... what a pair of utter self-deceiving knobs (I mean, if this isn't actually fiction). It's OK because it happens "in a different universe" from his marriage. God.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/dec/07/this-is-how-we-do-it-my-life-with-my-lover-exists-in-a-different-universe-to-my-marriage

@Bobcatz People with their head screwed on straight you mean? Who don't fall for the, we couldn't help it, it's so difficult, you wouldn't understand, claptrap.
How would your partner feel if they knew you turn you jelly when you see your special friend? Grow up and grow a pair

The reason why according to the article is that the husband and wife are now retired and he can't get away as easily. If he really loved the other woman he'd find a way. I think the wife has 'won' really and the other woman is now just a virtual 'fantasy'.
I see your point about the wife not being happy with it, but we don't know anything about their marriage really.

"Being ghosted" 😂😂I shouldn't laugh...

You should be careful what you say to strangers online. Your comment might just be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

I stopped reading when they pressed their faces together to breathe in each other’s faces. 🤢

Are we glorifying affairs now?

Personally I believe that this character moving 300 miles away as soon as he retired (early) and not being able to meet up for 2 solid years makes me wonder if he is a mite worried about what "Viviana" might do if he cuts her off in terms of bean spilling.

If they even exist, of course and if they do, he's no better.

Don't give them that power. There's only you knows the ins and outs of your own situation, and it's very easy for internet randos to sit there and pronounce themselves keeper of morals. Some of those throwing stones may well have their own skeletons in their closets too, just saying.

You should be careful what you share with strangers online in that case. If you can't face alternative views to the reality that you have constructed keep it to yourself.

I guess there may be some extremely rare "ins and outs of a situation" that make having an affair, physical or emotional, acceptable but I'm guessing you're just another cheater trying to justify your lack of morals and backbone.

Imperfect people can have an opinion on something posted on a public forum too. Or are you just trying to make yourself feel better by imagining that everybody has no morals like you?

Bobcatz you are obviously triggered by this article. If you're having an emotional affair that's causing you to feel rubbish, the guilt is probably overshadowing any joy you get from it. Do you feel able to call it off? Is it an addiction, are you bored? I'm not judging per se but it is wrong, and you need an exit strategy stat x

Wrong about me and my life on every one of the above counts.

But after the way you've gone for a pp on this thread, it's jolly decent of you to admit to being imperfect.

God love you @FestiveFruitloop there's hope for humanity yet.

@Notmefornow1 Yes, it was triggering. I cut contact some time ago - nothing happened - I think it's more in my head than anything.

@bobcatz It's a very lonely place where you are emotionally right now. I'm sorry some have been harsh, however perhaps you can get some support for yourself with this issue? Start your own thread on Relationships, and some therapy perhaps? You don't have to struggle on alone.

Thank you for your kind words @Snowfalling. Therapy sounds like a way forward, there's certainly a lot to work through.

Ah yes. I read this article yesterday and it made me think wtf? too. How sad for his DW. Didn't it say that they message each other 60 times a day or something? When does he actually get to spend time with his DW? If he misses his OW that much he should do the decent thing and leave his marriage and set his DW free. But as someone said, we don't really know what's going on.
But that column usually makes me feel queasy anyway. It always seems to be about couples swinging from the lampshade. I don't know why I read it. boredom and incredulity!

You're welcome. Are you aware of limerence? It might be worth looking into this to try and make sense of what you're feeling. I've been where you are, and I had hypnotherapy which really helped. Just wanted to say I do understand, it is bloody hard, and there is help and support available. Don't struggle alone, it's a heavy burden to carry on your own.

Cheaters don't fall in love with two people at the same time

They are already in love and commited with one, with years of connection and fancy a second. You cannot develop the same love you have for your partner overnight.

That instant spark you have with someone is a crush, not love. It will only turn to love if you nurture it. If you are in a committed relationship and meet a second with an intense spark you distance yourself from the second

Let's hope he means a wank whilst his wife is out enjoying herself elsewhere with a toy boy.

I'm surprised Vivianna didn't describe themselves as 'soulmates' - like every other desperate OW who lives on scraps and crumbs does.

Yuck, just yuck.

It does take a toll, I'm glad somebody understands x Hadn't heard of limerence before but it certainly rings some bells. I believe it might stem from a pervious emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist.

I was in a highly abusive narcissistic relationship for a long time so I am very aware now that I'm vulnerable to intense crushes. So when I get one of those I am able to rationalise as a trauma response rather than actual real feelings, and it can help take the heat out of them