Article about a pair of cheaters in The Guardian

[Time40]

... what a pair of utter self-deceiving knobs (I mean, if this isn't actually fiction). It's OK because it happens "in a different universe" from his marriage. God.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/dec/07/this-is-how-we-do-it-my-life-with-my-lover-exists-in-a-different-universe-to-my-marriage

She says they haven't had sex, but later says, 'the sex that follows...' their breathing in of each other (boak). so which is it?

He has the best of both worlds while she is effectively alone pining for him.

Cheating is fine if you believe in multiverses. or parallel universes I guess. of course the intensity hasn't diminished, because it's not really anything like living together or like an actual relationship, warts and all.

love what @Crikey said, it's just a virtual head buzz for them both, no substance to it.

No fool like an old fool.

Then it's like anything else in life, you make a choice.

I expect they’re actually called Martin and Julie, the ‘ice-cream’ coded references will one day generate an ick reaction, they occasionally meet up at petrol stations or Costa and it’s all a bit mundane.

I get that, but you can't just turn off the feelings for the other person.

Feelings aren't facts, especially if you've never been with that person fully you don't really know them and you're in love with the idea of them.

Adults have to make tough decisions sometimes. you may not be able to control who you fall in love with, but you can always choose to behave with integrity and with respect for your partner, surely that's in your control.

Nooo! This must be a Viz send up?!
It can't be real...Sebastian, Vivviannnnananana, theoretical physics, deeper planes, intensity, breath sucking, ice-cream orgasms...
What a wanky pretentious pair of morally devoid high-IQ bastards!

I hate that column in the guardian. The idea of it seems to be that whatever you do sexually is an expression of your identity and therefore any critique of it is somehow unacceptable and borderline bigoted.
It reminds me a bit of George Orwell. The false pseudo-progressive idea that sexual self-expression is always subversive, always a challenge to some kind of social or political authoritarianism - and therefore always gets a free pass to regard itself as 'right side of history'.

😂😂😂😂😂

Yes, you absolutely can try to behave with integrity and respect. Not so easy when that person is within your inner circle though and you seem them, unavoidably, on a regular basis. Does a crush last for decades?

Can't wait to accost DH on the doorstep and sucker myself to his general face area whilst breathing heavily.
That'd go down well.

Are you trying to justify an affair?

If that person was in my inner circle I would try to distance myself. An affair within such close friends or worse, family, would be worse in terms of fallout and consequences for all, than outside of that.

A few weeks ago there was another one where the bloke was really religious. They did everything apart from PIV sex, because apparently he decided that it was only penetrative sex that is morally wrong outside marriage. I didn't really know where to start with that.

@Threewheeler1 ha ha- my H would think I had been on the sauce a bit early and would be checking our bar supplies!

I'm not defending their behaviour at all, but it isn't always so simple. What if you fall in love with two people at the same time?

Well, let them both know about each other and you'll find that problem solved pretty quickly.

I think my DH would really be into it so I daren’t try it 🤣

Mine too! Or that I'd banged my head and needed checking over 😆

No physical affairs are always wrong. I'm not sure how you can entirely avoid 'affairs of the heart' though. Life is complicated.

40-60 messages a day!
hand made jewellery .
And he thinks the wife is clueless.
that sounds like a complete delusion .

Utter fucking cringe.
And the audacity to publish that in a national newspaper where people they know will read it.

His poor wife. The entitlement is breathtaking.

"I don’t feel jealous of Sebastian’s wife because there is no way that anything in his marriage could be akin to the intensity of what we share."
Translation: I don’t feel jealous of Sebastian’s wife because I have so much to gain by buying in to his self-serving obfuscation and flattery, and it would be a pointless kind of self-harm to look at the reality of one man soothing his ego and his balls for so low a price.

Yuck. They both sound awful - and they are old enough to know better! I bet 'Sebastian' aka Dave's wife knows all about his saucy messages and the earrings made out of old paper clips, that he sends to his former work wife. She sounds completely deluded. He's just a randy old goat who enjoys the ego boost of having two women at his beck and call.

I am in a long (mostly) happy marriage. I imagine the wife of this arsehole also believes she is in similar.
Can you imagine the devastation this woman will feel if AH dies first and the other (deluded, self entitled, and totally morally corrupt) woman makes herself known at, or after his funeral.
It would totally shatter her, knowing she has lived a lie when she thought she was with a man who respected and loved her.
I put myself in her shoes and I could weep for her.

What a pair of insufferable bell ends. She is so deluded, poor woman.

‘Viviana and I have a keen interest in theoretical physics and the concept of the multiverse helps us’ 🤣

I wonder if that would help him if Viv took on a 50 year old lover? Or is it only him who is allowed to shag her as well as his wife?

I was intrigued by this article (hence coming over to MN to see if it made Chat!).

First off, surely it must be fiction? Who would share such confessional thoughts with the Guardian? I see a recent one was by a 23yo! There’s just no way they’re all not being written by one or more wannabe novelists!

But I’m thundering towards 50, single for years, quite disappointed by life. I also wondered if it’s possible to find such sense of emotional and psychological union at that age. Probably not, for me; I’ve all but given up. But for others?

But yes, the cheating aspect - I don’t know what accommodations couples come to after decades together, alone in the Empty Nest, but it doesn’t sound very noble.

I don’t see my messaging with Viviana as impinging on my relationship with my wife

Oh FFS. I think he'll find his wife is of a different opinion if she finds out.